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starting to worry

18 replies

finefatmama · 31/05/2007 07:47

He's 23months and I noticed that he doesn't like to play with other kids, doesn't like to make eye contact and prefers to arrange his toys in a straight line or triangle rather than just play with them. He's attached to the plastic numbers 2 and 3. takes them everywhere.

When ds2 came home 9 months ago, there was no reaction, he just ignored him but has since gone back in time in his development.

He's not very coherent in his speech though i've heard him say a lot of words just once or twice. his only constant vocab is '1,2,3,4,5' (and he actually recognises them when he sees them).

dh and I thought that he was just being stubborn but last month my mum also mentioned his lack of response as unusual. Then I started to worry.

Now the nursery has sent a letter saying that they are concerned about his lack of response to his name, and his refusal to play with the other kids or piece puzzles together. I don't believe it's his hearing because he comes flying in from the next room when we turn on the telly.

I'm hoping he's not autistic but i'm starting to think I should got the hint ages ago.

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strawberryswirl · 31/05/2007 08:27

Hi
The first thing that made us worry about dd, who is also 23 month was the playgroup thought she had hearing problems when she was about 17 monts old because she would ignore them, but we know she doesnt have hearing problems.

Then over the months we noticed lack of eye contact, she doesnt wave or point, and she doesnt talk yet. She doesnt follow simple commands. She has a few odd behavour things too like staring at our coving.

It was only recently we made the connection with autism. It took us one month to get hold of health visitor and when she finally came she referred dd staight away to the specialist paed on the 9th of this month.

We also have been for a 15 min appointment with a speech therapist who said she is showing signs of ASD also and has referred her too.

I think perhapes you should contact your hv, but its not too late as our little ones are still young. xx

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nannynick · 31/05/2007 08:28

Does he use his index finger to point to things? For example when he is interested in something, or if you ask him to show you where an object is.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/05/2007 09:12

Hi,

I would contact your GP with a view to getting a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

In the meantime I would make some written notes of your son's behaviour so that you can show this person your own findings. Filming him playing would also perhaps be helpful; they can then see him in his home environment.

Will the nursery be following this up themselves too?.

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finefatmama · 31/05/2007 11:25

Come to think of it, I have never seen him point to anything although he will lead me to an object if he cant reach it. the only thing i've got him to show me is 'nose' and 'mouth' (always touchs mine instead of his) from when he was 12 months.

and he is still lining up his toys in the same place - at the entrance to the living room. He doesn't obey anything but will shrug if we keep calling his name or asking him to do stuff. If he likes a book, he'll never bring it to me. he'll just sit down on his own and turn the pages. he eats and sleeps very well.

It takes him a while to realise i'm in the room when i get home or arrive at nursery to pick him up.

I really feel so angry that I didn't pick up on this before.

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strawberryswirl · 31/05/2007 11:42

try not to be too angry that you didnt pick it up before, i have three children and dd being the youngest and i have only now started to think there is somtething wrong. Many people dont realize till there children start pre-school or even older.
When my eldest was young they use to do an 18 month check... i never had that with my youngest two. I feel if my dd were to have had that check it would have been picked up earlier but she is still young and so is Your ds.

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staryeyed · 31/05/2007 11:49

Finefatmama- I also had the same concerns about my son who we have very recently found out has autism. I put it down to children having different personalities and developing at different speeds. Please don't feel bad the important thing is you are doing something now. I didn't know about autism until I read someone else having similar concerns about their child. Its not something we are taught to look for as parents. The CHAT test and symptoms need to be more widely publicised. The NHS needs to fund 18 month and 2 year checks for all areas as well. I'm not saying it is autism only a professional can tell you that. I made a diary of behaviour and list of all the symptoms he was expressing to make sure I was taken seriously- I thought I might be fobbed off but both my HV and The paediatrician saw that he is showing autistic signs.
Does your Dd show imaginative play?

I have had some amazing advice on here about what I should be doing which I'm sure you will too.

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strawberryswirl · 31/05/2007 11:57

Stareyed - i really do agree with you the 18 month and 2 year checks MUST be in all areas, if they done the CHAT test for all 18 month olds things will be picked up much earlier and i for one would not have has to search the web for what is wrong with my dd.

xx

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nannynick · 31/05/2007 12:33

Checklist for Autism in Toddlers (CHAT)

Raise your concerns with HV/GP and see what tests they will do.

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finefatmama · 31/05/2007 13:21

thanks, I just called the hv and she will schedule a check of some sort.

She seemed quite surprised because she remembered how hyperactive and attention seeking he seemed to be in january when she used to come round. Most of the changes emerged after his brother was botn so we had assumed that he was regressing on purpose as a jealous reaction.

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gess · 31/05/2007 17:16

scroll down to my link to First Signs it has an online screening tool.

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finefatmama · 07/06/2007 20:02

Thanks everyone. I saw HV today and she said 'something's definitely not right.'

He's physical development is fine but play age is 15months and some other one is 12months. We've pulled him from nursery to start going to a chilminder but she's adviced to stick him back in there for at least two sessions a week and she'll refer us to some behavioural playgroup or something for a few sessions a week. we need to introduce a routine and I don't even know what that means. We are pretty chaotic and uncoordinated most of the time.

I'm wondering what changes we need to make - will one of us have to stop work and stay at home? do we change his diet?

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Saker · 07/06/2007 20:15

Is your health visitor going to refer your Ds to a developmental paediatrician? If you are right and he is autistic then you will find it easier if you have a formal diagnosis and it should help you to access other services. Personally I don't think you should feel under pressure to put him back into nursery if you and he are happy with the childminder. It might be quite stressful for you both especially if there is no support there for him and just putting him with other children isn't going to make him interact with them if he's not ready to yet. He's still very young. Portage is a really useful thing to get if you can. It is like a home visiting service where they play with your child and help you develop strategies. Ask your HV about this or I think you can refer yourself. Don't feel you need to rush about making loads of changes immediately. Sorry that you going through this.

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RnBee · 07/06/2007 20:22

Hi finefatmama,

So sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. My ds was diagnosed at 23 months, he is now nearly 6.

Is the HV refering him to the developmental paed? The best advice I can give you is not to let people fob you off with 'come back in 6 months and see where he is then'. You will find that you may get that alot but an EARLY diagnosis is so important.

Please CAT me. I can give you a call if you want/need to talk. I remember well what a scary place you are in

RnBee x

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strawberryswirl · 07/06/2007 21:05

hi Rnbee

My daughter (23mths) saw a paed on tues and she diagnosed her with gdd and autistic traits but we have to go back and see her in 4 months! like you said dont let them fob you off....so im going to take my dd to see a private Developmental Paediatrician specialising in the Autism next month. I dont wont to hang around with this.
x

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gess · 07/06/2007 21:18

Good luck- and don't worry about being chaotic- My 8 year old son was dxed with autism aged 2 and we're still pretty chaotic. The only routine we have is tea, bath, bed. DS1 sets up his own routines but they're short lived and compulsive - they're not a routine in a normal sense. I do now warn him before we do something unusual- & he;s fine with that (he;s non-verbal severely autistic).

I wouldn't make any major changes initially- take time to see what sorts of things are available. Autism is a huge spectrum and even if your son ended up diagnosed ith it that wouldn't really tell you right now what his future is. If you decided to run an ABA programme or something you might decide you needed to work to pay for it! Take it one step at a time.

Have a read around diets etc, they help some, not others. DS and Ds3 are gluten free - ds1 is autistic, ds3 isn't (but like ds1 is very headbangy on the wrong food). Autism is such a diverse condition its always worth approaching it with your son as an individual iyswim. If you try to do everything that has helped an autistic child somewhere you can end up running around like a headless chicken (I did that in the early days), now I've learned about the sorts of things that help him (and the rest of the family).

Why's the HV said nursery rather than childminder btw? It depends on the nursery and/or childminder but I've had good experiences with both a nursery and childminder and also a baad experience with a nursery. Put him in the place you think will suit him the most.

It's a difficult time, the is he isn't he bit, but it does get better once you know one way or another. Be kind to yourself.

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finefatmama · 07/06/2007 22:35

HV said she'll refer him to a developmental paediatrician and the special needs playgroup and the special needs HV.

I watched him screech and roll his eyes and laugh on his own as usual and realised how very not cute that will be in a few years. I hope to God he can treated cos i have exams next week and haven't been able to read a thing all week. I'm seriously thinking of putting it on hold or just forgetting about any professional qualification altogether. which is a shame cos it's the final stage.

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gess · 08/06/2007 08:31

What are your exams for? I really would try to get to the end- it gives you more choices later. Do be kind to yourself though- it's very difficult to do anything, think of anything when your child has just had problems flagged up. I remember it as a roller coaster of emotions. It does get better though, you won't always feel knocked off your feet- whatever happens. If you've got exams etc coming up try not to go into doom mode, everything could work out very well. Your son is still very little, he's been referred, now it's a bit of a waiting game. How long will the exams last?

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finefatmama · 08/06/2007 10:46

exams are ACCA finals on monday, tuesday and wednesday. And I just got a new job offer.

I feel like I won't be able to work full time without feeling guilty. I've had a chat with the nursery and they've had a few similar cases so i gues that's why HV prefers for him to go there.

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