First day back at school and didn't go well!

[Mummy23Monkeys]

Not really asking for advice just wanted to get it off my chest to people who might understand and see if maybe I could do anything differently?!?

DD suffers from Anxiety and have recently started the referral process as think very possible ASD.

I knew going back to school would be difficult as DD does not handle change and new things well at all, school know this and had prepared her before finishing with a book they made with her with photos of her new classroom, new teacher etc. she has just moved into Y4.

Well the problems started yesterday when she had what I can only describe as a panic attack about staying school dinners (as her brother was starting school dinners she had decided she would too) but the realisation hit and she was distraught at having lunch in the hall which is "too busy and too loud" her words. This wasn't a problem she took packed lunch today (which they are allowed to eat outside when weather is dry). She was distraught again by bedtime at the thought of going to school this morning and took a lot of calming down before she eventually went to sleep.

This morning was ok made sure we were at school early (she likes to be first in) she has been given her own peg so she knows where to put her things but as soon as walked into the classroom she clung to me and burst into tears saying "please don't leave me". Luckily her new teacher seems lovely and knows about her Anxiety so she took her from me but I wanted to cry myself leaving her like that.

Sorry this has turned into an essay but when my mum phoned to see how kids had gone on going back to school and I told her about DD she said I need to be tougher with her and I need to be cruel to be kind or she will never get past this!!

She is only 8 and is clearly overwhelmed!! So am I doing something wrong or does my mum just not understand??

[jThompson]

It's so hard to leave them when they are upset, I feel for you.

I'm finding it's a very fine line with DS though between being understanding and feeding his anxiety. Sometimes I do find that pushing through is the best long term plan for us.

I've found this book really helpful
www.amazon.co.uk/Managing-Anxiety-People-Autism-Professionals/dp/1606130048/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409672799&sr=8-1&keywords=managing%20anxiety%20in%20people%20with%20autism&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Hope she feels more comfortable with her new teacher and classroom soon.

[Mummy23Monkeys]

Thanks PolterGoose I do try but its been one of those days, I knew it was coming but have still found it really tough.

jThompson I do worry about if I am making things worse but do what feels right at the time, thanks for the book recommendation I will definately have a look at that.

Well DD is exhausted and requested to go to bed at 6.30pm but she seems a bit happier. She now knows where she is sitting, the class timetable etc so its not as 'unknown'. See what tomorrow brings!

[BlackeyedSusan]

how was it today? more hugs. you are doing great.

[Mummy23Monkeys]

BlackeyedSusan thanks for checking up on us, DD is doing ok, she still has her every day worries/Anxiety.

She is already finding the work hard going (another thing stressing her that work will just get even more difficult in Y4) and doesn't like play time/dinner time but these are ongoing things which she has always struggled with.

Not had any further panic attacks or meltdowns since Tuesday which is definately better!

[BlackeyedSusan]

sounds like an improvement.


you sort of get used to the run of the mill issues... (possibly horrendous to others but our normal) starting back to school always seems to throw a spanner in the works. not to mention christmas

ds has ASD and dd is super sensative, I hate going back to school, prefer the holidays or second best, the second, third weeks of half term as they are settled in and not so tired... first weeks are horrendous.

[Mollyweasley]

Mummy, DD's difficulties started in year 4, she also have very high anxiety. she kept saying the work was hard. It took me ages to realise that it was not the work it was 1) the instructions were harder to get and she needed some visual prompt 2) she needed the confidence to ask the teacher to repeat the instructions for her if needed 3) She had some kind of confusion with the word good (good being well behaved and good at something) and that thinking in black and white that:perfect work=good=well behaved and not good=bad=badly behaved. For 1) and 2) a super teacher helped and she built up the confidence to ask for more explanation +got visual prompt, for 3) I tried to use a combination of 5 point scale with no Bad on it but rather a "need to practise more" kind of thing. Not sure if this is making any sense .
I think in year 4, teachers expectation are higher as far as responsibility for own learning is concerned and this might be why "work is too hard".

[Mummy23Monkeys]

That's very true BlackeyedSusan I am used to DD's every day issues so these have become the norm, its those extra things that really tip her over the edge that I find hard to deal with.

Mollyweasley that's really helpful thank you I hadn't thought of other reasons behind her finding work so difficult so that's definately something I will look into. Hard to find out if she is not understanding instructions, I do know that she doesn't like asking to have instructions repeated (as she thinks everyone else understands so she should too) so maybe need a chat with her teacher!!