17 year old son struggling - how to help?

[Pangurdubh]

I'm reposting here as the teens/young adults board I'm told is very quiet. Sorry it's so long....

Hi, my son (only child) won a scholarship to a private boarding school. Over the six years he has been there (apparently happily, has always been adamant he wants to remain there), after a great start he has increasingly struggled to keep up with the work. I began flagging up concerns two years ago because he had a number of issues going on; lack of concentration, lack of engagement in class and socially, poor organisational skills, poor communication skills (not new, has always had that sort of temperament, just more obvious as school work has become more challenging). I fought to get him help with study skills from the school learning support tutor and counselling sessions to help with his lack of confidence and shyness. The school has consistently reassured me that they did not believe there was any cause for concern - until now.

He did very poorly at AS level, so poorly that he is going to find A level year really tough through extra work for resits (he wants to do this). I had a meeting with the dep head, his personal tutor, his learning support tutor and housemaster yesterday and learned for the first time that there had been indications of disparity in assessments that were carried out in the 2nd year as predictors for A level outcomes. He was way above average academically but scored poorly on processing skills (I can't remember the exact terms), but nobody thought to flag this up because they were more interested in the academic high scores. Apparently, he wasn't turning up to learning support appointments either and nobody thought to let me know, or do anything about it. I'm fuming. I can't get much info from my son as he is a poor communicator about anything that might be stressful and always gives the indication that everything is fine. He tells me he thinks his results are down to not working hard enough and it breaks my heart because he's blaming himself for something I believe is beyond his control and for which he needs help. Sorry for the length of this, here are my questions:

1. Would an ed psych assessment be valuable and how does one go about getting one? (The school won't fund this and I can't afford the £4-500 pounds the support tutor said it would cost)
   

1. Would GP be able to refer?
   

1. Does anyone have any other suggestions? I am really worried that if I don't get some help now, he will sink without trace in the outside world.
   

1. I want to stress that this is not about A level results, my priority is his welfare and ability to cope in life. If anyone else has had similar issues I would so appreciate any input.
   

thank you

[Pangurdubh]

Thank you Poltergoose, yes, there are other issues but they are hard to define as he masks so well. He is incredibly slow, at everything. I put this down to adolescent lethargy at first but other people have started commenting on it. He goes into a spaced out state all the time so something that would take me 5 mins can take him up to an hour. He gets distracted very easily and yet has the ability to maintain focus on the few things he really likes (mostly computer-related). He has always come across as very calm and quiet with no highs or lows, but I think part of the problem is that he cannot express what he is feeling. It has been excruciating trying to find out what is going on with him - I've tried so many different approaches but it's as if some part of him is locked down and he can't access it. He doesn't disclose anxiety but I think he is anxious, particularly about schoolwork and in social situations he comes across as painfully shy, barely having a word to say. It's become so much more noticeable now he's older - he appears to get on with peers at school, albeit quietly, but as it's a boarding school I really don't know and when he is home in the holidays he doesn't see anybody, despite my encouragement for him to invite friends to stay, meet up etc. Not sure if this is relevant but physically he is developmentally about three years behind his peers - he can easily pass for a 14 year old. I did take him to GP a couple of years ago to see if anything was amiss but she didn't think a problem was indicated so no tests were carried out.

[Pangurdubh]

I wish I knew! I really am stumped. I have considered ASD and have looked at the National Autism Society website - he has some of the indicators around social interaction, but most others are not present. He's got a good sense of humour and loves jokes, he doesn't get upset at changes in routine and he doesn't seem to have issues with sensory input. I'll give the Helpline a call though to talk it through. thanks again

[Pangurdubh]

Really helpful links Poltergoose, thank you