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ASD and the new school year

11 replies

Peppapigisnotmyname · 26/08/2014 09:40

Anyone else feeling sick at the thought of the new school year??? I've posted about this before ......

My DS is 9 and is high functioning ASD. He is just about to start year 5. His school is 'high achieving' and I feel that they just tolerate him, they don't really want him.

The last two years have been awful. His anxiety levels have reached breaking point, mainly due to the pressure put on him by school. Their attitude is 'we will not treat him as if he's any different' - but he is!!!ive pointed out that sometimes the things they ask of him is like asking someone in a wheelchair to take part in a running race - but they just look at me as if I've grown a second head.

He's been at this school since he was four, infants wasn't too bad but juniors has been hell. He's been split from the few friends he has, he never gets invited to friends houses anymore, no party invitations, no sleep overs. He's never been chosen to do anything - athletics team, football, etc he said he didn't feel anyone would notice if he wasn't there. I've told the school all of this, but they won't bend - our way or nothing. Just before the end of term, there was an awards afternoon. I didn't go as I knew he wouldn't get anything. Of course he didn't. But another parent phoned me 25 minutes before the end of school to say DS was outside the school gates. They'd let the whole year out early including DS even though they knew I wasn't there. I hurried to school, he was crying as he didn't get any awards again and he also had a black eye - just an accident but no explanation from school. Obviously I spoke to school, told them exactly what I thought - that they didn't want him etc but just nothing.FFS:(

He's a bright boy, academically doing well, but at what cost? He's been so stressed he's been rolling about on the floor screaming. Some days I've struggled to get him into school at all. I've thought about medicating - really?? Just to cope with school?? It's not just him it effects, it's the whole house, we're all at breaking point. Sometimes I do his homework just to get some peace. I've told school that too - that it's my work they're marking!!

It's been great over the summer hols. He's been so happy, it's been like having my DS back again. I feel sick at the thought of school, again next week. I want to move him but DS and DH think he should stay put. But two more years of this

I've also got a dd aged 5. She is nt. She started last year, very bright confident girl. Absolutely hated the school. I've managed to move her and she is so much happier but there's no space for DS - no sure of how I move him with a statement anyway??

OP posts:
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OneInEight · 26/08/2014 10:41

Feel for you and can only suggest you look around to see if there are other more supportive schools nearby. Having said that moving ds2 for Year 6 was not a great success although it has meant we have got him into a specialist school for secondary without having to go to tribunal.

When is his next annual review coming up - another possibility would be to use that to try and get more support/adjustments put in by the school. Could you afford to get a private EP assessment to suggest strategies to put in place.

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Ineedmorepatience · 26/08/2014 12:09

I agree with one you really need to move him. It is ridiculous that you are having to even consider medicating him due to his needs not being met at school. Very sad for you both and hope you manage to find somewhere before his mental health is damaged permanently Sad

You also need to write everything down that you have written in your OP and send it to the Chair of Governors at the school and whoever is responsible for the upkeep of his statement!

Good luck Smile

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Peppapigisnotmyname · 26/08/2014 12:30

Thanx for the advice.

I know how naive this sounds but I had no previous experience of school so as DS is my elder child I just thought the way this school behaved was normal. It's only since talking to friends and actually moving dd that I've seen how different other schools are. If only I could turn the clock back :( x

OP posts:
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bjkmummy · 26/08/2014 12:32

to movw him with a statementyou just write to the LA and ask for a change of school placement - they have 8 weeks to sort it out

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PolterGoose · 26/08/2014 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 26/08/2014 20:40

This is the first year ever that I've not had mixed feelings. DS2 is bored and dangerous and is always glad to be back. In past years, DS1 has wanted to enjoy school, sort of survived the first week and then spiralled down over the rest of the term.

He's starting year 6 and started at a specialist school last term. He actually missed it when he broke up for the summer and can't wait to be back.

Your DS's school sounds horrible. I wouldn't wish that sort of environment on and average, unremarkable child. It would be soul destroying. I'd be on the look out for somewhere a lot more inclusive and less league table orientated, if there was such an option.

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fairgame · 26/08/2014 21:10

My DS starts at a specialist school next week and i'm getting really anxious about it.
It's an hour away and he's getting a taxi. I'm worried that he won't get in the taxi or he will kick off. They are really strict with transport and if he kicks off and takes off his seatbelt then they suspend transport for a week!
He hates change and i don't think he will cope very well at all. I think i'm going to be in for a rough few months.

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PolterGoose · 26/08/2014 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fairgame · 26/08/2014 21:42

There is an escort for the first 3 months then the LA are reviewing as obviously they want to get rid of it to save money Angry
I don't know about any strategies, the taxi driver and his wife (the escort) are coming to meet us tomorrow so i will ask then. I am worried because i spoke to him the other day and he was planning on going the longer route to the school rather than the way i have been. I don't think they have been to this school before.
The transport suspension policy is the LA policy not the taxi firms! Basically if they refuse to wear the seatbelt at either end then they get left and parent has to take/pick them up and if they remove seatbelt during the journey its a week of no transport. Nice!

The school seem very good and very supportive but it's still very worrying. DS is very hard work at school and he takes ages to settle. They said they don't suspend any of the kids for behaviour which is a relief i guess, and they weren't fazed by his outbursts on transition days but aargh!! its so stressful!!

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Babieseverywhere · 27/08/2014 08:59

I am dreading return to school with my 6yo DS (no dx)...who is a nightmare on the school run.

I had a day here or there when he would be ok, but these are very rare and far between.
Maybe three ok days ladt school year !

DS has told me he won't walk to school and he is NOT going to year Two. So that is a good start. :(

Holidays are a battle to get him outside away from screens but overall he is more relaxed. We have even had 'non Minecraft' topics of conversation !

When he gets very stressed he just quotes unrelated Minecraft facts.

Daddy is walking with us on the first day of school, to try and give an easier first day. I particularly want it to go well, as it is also DD2's first proper day at school rather than nursery and she deserves to get in on time and a positive frame of mind for once, poor chick

If it rolls again like it did last year (refusal to walk or cross roads, sitting on the floor , running and hiding) We will have to hire a child minder to take in DD1 and DD2, so I just have DD3 in a pram and school refusing DS to deal with. Only problem is how to find the money to pay for one, as I am a SAHM :(

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Babieseverywhere · 29/08/2014 08:44

Opps, did I kill this thread with my moaning ?

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