How worried should I be, isolated teen?

[wanttosinglikemarycoughlan]

My DS is 16 and has an aspergers diagnosis
He stays in his room for much of the time but enjoys being with me and his Dad
we had a short break and took the son of a family friend. They enjoyed doing things together but he said that is enough he now needs a complete break from people
He does talk to others on his x box
We are going away in 2 weeks without him for 3 nights. I offered for friends son to come round for one of the nights but he said no holiday was enough

He tells me he has friends at school but no contact in the holidays/weekends/evenings
I worry so much for his future but accept this is how he is
I just don't see how he is going to be able to make a future this way

[LadySybilLikesCake]

Does he have any hobbies? Ds is 15 and he likes warhammer (Games Workshop). It's great for kids with aspergers as it's a strategy game which is all about rules. Are there any clubs he can go to?

Ds is the same (social skills delay so he finds it easier to make friends online). I encourage him to go to Games Workshop as much as I can as the boys (mainly boys) are all very friendly and geeky, like him. Your son may find that he makes friends when he gets to Uni as he's more likely to find people who enjoy the same things as he does. A lot of teens find others immature and are not into the same sort of things, which is OK. I think ds would be quite annoyed if I tried to force friendships onto him. It's hard for parents Trick is to find a hobby that he'd enjoy anyway as he's likely to meet people who are on his wave length.

I hope this helps and I'm not talking bollocks (too much coffee).

[wanttosinglikemarycoughlan]

Thanks for your reply
He does get on well with family friend and we go away each year with them but don't share living accommodation
This works better for DS. He found it hard to share his space 24 hours a day.
It is very hard to persuade him to try things. He used to play football but found the stress of being in a group got too much
He has a personal trainer now and that works well but it is the only time he leaves the house
There is a group who work on webdesign and can be a 1-1 (he is interested in this) but he refused
He is going into 6th form, mainly because he cannot cope with the stress of somewhere new, so I am hoping he will be in a small group and perhaps make some friends

[LadySybilLikesCake]

I noticed that people changed in the 6th form and became mature over the holidays (may be because the idiots had left though). Staying in the same school for 6th form is a good idea, all of the teachers will know him and he'll feel more secure as it's familiar surroundings with people he knows.

I get what you're saying, it's not good for any child to have a life which revolves around an x box or a computer. There's a balance though. I'd leave him to do whatever makes life bearable for him as long as he spends some time doing other things too. What about an archery club or helping out at a wildlife sanctuary or something? There's no groups It can be really difficult for teen's to try new things so don't expect him to jump at the chance.

[Penneyanne]

Same here iwantosing .DS is 14 and his isolation really concerns me.Spends most of his time playing either pc games or on youtube etc.No connection with friends at all in the holidays.I worry so much about how he will ever be able to function independently when he is an adult and hold down a career.
He is very isolated at school too..no interest in connecting with other students and no interest whatsoever in any hobbies/activities.It is very hard to teach social skills if they are not socialising with others isn't it?

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

I wouldn't be worried, I'm 25 and have aspergers it took a while for my mum to understand this but my psychologist explained that I'm probably at my happiest when I'm on my own, it's hard for NT people to understand.

Socialising will never be a natural thing, it's very draining. I've tried putting on a front to make friends in the past, it just doesn't work.

I worry so much about how he will ever be able to function independently when he is an adult and hold down a career.

Would it help you to know, although i live at home, i have a job and can drive?

[Treasures]

To add to what Jasonandyawegunorts said, I also have aspergers. I'm 37, self employed, married and have a teenager. I love spending time with DH and DD but it can be draining and I often need alone time to recharge. I'm not bothered about socialising with anyone else and love being on my own because it's just so much easier.

[Fuzzymum1]

My DS sounds very like your son.

My MIL describes DH much the same way as a teenager.

My DH is now married (obviously) has a good job (in IT in an office on his own :) ) and is a good dad to our three boys. Out marriage hasn't always been easy but has certainly been easier since we discovered aspergers and understood him better.

Aspergers and being a loner doesn't mean they will always be that way.