Getting out of house- am I being too harsh?

[lottiemungo]

After days and days of screen-obsessed, increasingly grumpy, days at home I proposed to DS (9yo, AS) that we go to a sealife centre today as a treat. He was up for it. Immediately this morning said he would only go in the afternoon not the morning. I said no, it would be morning as it would get v busy etc later. Made packed lunches etc. DS still refused. Now saying he is too tired to go anywhere. Wants to play computer. I'm gutted and insisted. DS has been having probs with tiredness, even saw doc about it yesterday (poss due to restricted diet etc) so he prob had spotted it as a great excuse/reason. I think he is just getting too used to being at home. Feel he needs occasional excursions to 'keep his hand in' as it were. Feel it's good for him mentally to get out. We've reached stalemate. He is watching telly while I sit on stairs, exhausted after the outburst which in itself has prob exhausted him. What would you do? Had my heart set on us having a few hours out, together, so we could chat and spend time together without all that being squeezed out by screen time. Thinking I'll see if when he has calmed down he can be persuaded. He currently hates me Would feel gutted though to just abandon the trip to yet another day stuck inside...

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

I would set another date for this trip, and work to that.
Put it on your planner, tell him this is the day you're going.
Make a count-down chart, with pictures of the venue on it so he can visualise where he's going and what's expected.

Let him know what's in the pack-up, what he can do during the travelling time, what he can take with him,

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

Blasted phone

Anyway, make it all about what he CAN realistically do that day, not about how he can't do x, y and z

It's still only week one here, and so far we've left the house twice.
Today we're having a 'relax' day because tomorrow DD is going to her brother's overnight. She needs to psyche herself up mentally and physically for a big event, so yes I suppose some days we just have to pretend the outside world isn't there.

[lottiemungo]

Thanks Jenny. And especially for replying so quickly, coz I really needed a sensible take on this as I think I was slightly losing my marbles. Have abandoned the trip. The plan is to do it tomorrow instead so I will do a chart to explain everything and what time of day it's happening etc. We had such an awful summer last year, and it was shades of that, and I just felt really gutted. He's made such a lot of progress over the last year, that sometimes I underestimate the importance of preparation (despite constantly telling his school of its importance for him ).

I also feel I should know what to do by now without crumbling a bit like this morning . But thanks for being the voice of reason. Felt very alone there for a minute.

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

Aw, I'm only so on the ball this year as DD has been minimally supported in school and I've given myself the job of pulling her back on track.

We've got 3 planners running ATM, whole holiday, weekly and daily.

Seems like overkill to use them for days at home, but it's stopped the constant questions, tears and 'I'm bored'. Even watching TV is on the daily board.

It's bath day today though. . .

[lottiemungo]

Polter I love the 'doing a marvin'!
Yes I think maybe I need to alter my expectations. I find the holidays v difficult.

Jenny, I like the idea of 3 planners! I have a chart for the whole 6 weeks but I think I need more day by day info. Can I ask a boring question- is your daily one a printout or do you use a white board or similar?

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

Big white board, lots of coloured pens

I write the day up, and the 'main event' (shopping day/bath day) then list all the things we have to do, including jobs I have to do about the house. If it's a home day, I try to theme it, so she knows what to expect or what restrictions might be in place. No point in me washing the kitchen floor if we're going to splash paint all over it, is there ;)


I keep them in order, and even put 'have lunch' on there with what we're having. One thing I never do is state a time-scale. Time and numbers cause too much anxiety.

[lottiemungo]

Re printout I mean something you draft on paper. Was just wondering whether a white board might work better (have never used one), so was wondering which you do.

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

I'll see if I can take photos if you like?

[lottiemungo]

Oops my message crossed with yours jenny. That sounds great! So do you subdivide the one large whiteboard into daily, weekly, etc?

[lottiemungo]

Would LOVE to see it if you didn't mind? Thanks !

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

Not sure if this is working

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

Ah, that's better

Whole holiday and weekly one

[lottiemungo]

Thanks so much jenny - it's really helpful to actually see how other people do this (think I'm not totally unlike DS in my need to see visuals!) I'm going to get a whiteboard asap!

[JennyOnTheBlocks]

You're welcome

Just realised today's white board is a bit crap, but we're having a very low-key day.

Tomorrow's will be much more detailed, maybe even use the 'now and next' board as we'll have a lot of organisation to do