Anxiety-self harm

[OneDreamOnly]

Have being posting in parenting but was told to come over here as you might have more ideas.

Dc2 is very anxious. He tends to pinch and twist his skin when he is like this. He is also constantly pulling the skin of this thumb, which then is raw/bleeds slightly.
He has been doing that too when he had some exzema on his elbow (fair enough) but was doing it on the other elbow with no eczema too when he got told off by the teacher for doing so.

I am at loss as to what to do to help him. GP and CAMHS I'm not keen on (previous experience) and he has what I think are communication/language issues which makes it very difficult to 'talk' with him ie it's impossible to know what happens during his day let alone what can worry him. Usual answer is 'I don't know'...

Anyone with any idea of other avenues we can try? I'm thinking about mediation for children as a way to help him relax if I can engage him enough with him. But any other idea would be welcome. I know that my child is hurting somehow but have no idea anymore as how to help him :(

[victoryinthekitchen]

I know some people use soft toys to hold, fiddle, scratch, pull as an alternative to skin / hair. My friend made one out of fleece, almost like an 'arm sleeve' to wear that sort of looks like a soft toy but with little bits and bobs on for tactile / sensory use. Her dd wears it and scratches at in instead of pulling out her hair (as much as she used to anyway). Not sure if there are any of these things for sale out there? Just an idea, I know distraction techniques don't always work, do you have a community nurse / OT you could speak to who might be more helpful?

[FancyAnOlive]

Hi. I have 2 very anxious dds. I think it is probably helpful to use several different ways to tackle the anxiety, and am finding the following to be useful:
A book called 'What to do when you worry too much' to help parents do CBT with kids - it says that it really helps to externalise, compartmentalise and distract.

A story for kids - don't know how old your dc is? - called 'The Huge Bag of Worries' which helps you to see worries as an external thing you carry around with you.


A worry box. The 'What to do..' book talks about using an imaginary box but we use a real one - it seems to be really helping with dd1. We get the box out once a day, look at the worries, throw out any that no longer apply and put new ones in (written on bits of paper with dd1's drawings). Then she 'does her worrying' and the rest of the time I don't talk to her about her worries. Apparently some kids like to burn their worries or tear them up and put them in the bin, or in someone else's bin.

Exercise helps with anxiety. It helps me too - i am very anxious!

Any fidgetty things - something to do with his hands that is not destructive or another way for him to get a bit of sensory input that's relieving the anxiety a bit - massage, brushing skin with a hairbrush, spraying skin with water....

[OneDreamOnly]

Thank you very much for all these ideas.
Will get the book too.

It's hard to know with dc2 what is going on as he is finding very difficult to say what is worrying him. So not sure if the worry box would be working with him. :(

[blanklook]

Could you ask for a referral to an Occupational Therapist with regard to a Sensory Profile, the anxiety and fiddly fidgeting are well within their remit and they are fantastic at finding ways to help. I don't know if you could self-refer to an OT or if it's via a GP, if not there are independent ones. I've just Googled for these so they are not a personal recommendation
www.cotss-ip.org.uk/find
www.theotpractice.co.uk/

I have experience of NHS and private OTs, both were excellent, the only difference was the private one had much better facilities and there was very little waiting time.

Sometimes if a child can't tell an adult or write down what's bothering them like the worry box, they can tell teddy, or they can tell you about teddy's troubles.
Sometimes they are in such a state of sensory overload that being able to arrange their thoughts so that they can verbalise anything is just too hard for them to do.

From being a small child, my dd has responded well to the following things and they can drop her anxiety levels down from overload to manageable. NB, they do not make it go away entirely. I use these interventions because I tried a kazillion things over a lot of years and these work for her you will have to experiment and see what works for your lad. Rescue Remedy, slow belly breathing, head to toe muscle relaxation exercises, soothing baths in homemade oatmilk (takes the fire out of eczema) and Himalayan salt (de-stresses and leaves skin soft), lavender oil on a tissue near the pillow, a little chamomile tea early evening, massage, skin brushing and joint compressions, a proper wind-down schedule before bed, lots of cuddly clothes dressing gowns, cushions and blankets, salt lamps, soft colour-change lights, sunrise alarm clock. Basically creating an atmosphere of relaxation and quiet nurture, no screens for at least an hour before bed.

[Schoolsoutforsummer]

Awesome list, Blank. We have had some success with a hammock and I know other families that swear by the trampoline.

Given the speech issues - is he getting SALT?

"I don't know" here used to mean - I understand I am supposed to have an answer but I don't have the words; it has morphed into I find this very hard to talk about.

We go to a CBT-therapist: she has been life-changing. I don't know if this would have been achievable a couple of years ago. DS2 has specific language impairment in his dx.

Could his anxiety be linked to not actually knowing what is happening next? - so use visual aids to structure the day.

[OneDreamOnly]

Thank you so much.
school you've just described exactly what I think is going with dc2. I'm sure the issue us that he can't find the words or that he is struggling too much to organise his ideas/choose the important information to be able to say so.
I have to say your post made me want to cry. How on earth can noone in RL see the struggles he has when someone on the internet can describe it so well ? :( :(

However no he doesn't get SALT because...apparently he is fine (school and so on). Probably something I need to investigate again and find someone privately.

blank this list is great! Will try some of those and see if that helps dc2 to be more relaxed. One of dc2 confort things are soft toys. His bed is covered in them :).

Again thank you. It really helps.

[FancyAnOlive]

blank - that's a great list. I am going to try some of the things on your list to help with getting my two to wind down - dd2 especially has real trouble with falling asleep and understandably gets frustrated.

Onedreamonly - good luck!

[Schoolsoutforsummer]

One - some RL people do see it- this is your litmus test for finding the right person to help your DS because they too will put it into words.

It is always a major relief when someone validates how hard life is being our kids, whilst offering to help make it somewhat better. This is largely because it doesn't happen as often as it should and explains why we all use Mumsnset.