Arghhhh will toilet training work now?

[Hurr1cane]

DS is 8. I was trying to re toilet train him after regression since he was little. Last year his continence nurse said that he was dribbling constantly and getting very distressed and confused about toiletting and to put him back in nappies for a year until he 'forgot' all of his toiletting and then to start again with medication for his bladder.

All was going smoothly. He has been back in nappies for a year, I have the medication ready to begin training after our holiday. But I have recently discovered that every time DS goes to his paternal grandads (3 hours a week for tea) he has been trying to toilet train him.

I only know because DS has started with the echolalia "if you need a wee go toilet" "if you go to the toilet I will say it" when I ask him who said that he said "grandad"

He's getting very confused again and I think that's why he's started 'telling' me.

His grandad knew what I was trying to do. He agreed with me to my face, but clearly thought he'd just carry on behind my back.

I don't think his dad has been doing it, DS always only says that his grandad says it. Me and his dad have been separated since DS was a baby and his paternal grandad has always asked for his own access as well because he really loves DS.

I'm really annoyed and upset that he's been doing this behind my back but what can I do? Will it have fucked up toiletting for him that was supposed to start again this Summer?

[TigerLightBurning]

Grandparents always seem toilet obsessed.
The main thing is whether he can physically hold it in. Can he go dry for an hour or so. We had a few false starts where he just was not physically ready. I think that has to be the starting point but you often don't know until you try. Good luck with it.

[Hurr1cane]

No he can't but he's got medicine to help make his bladder stronger which I am to give him a week before starting the training. I'm really annoyed about him ignoring me.

[TigerLightBurning]

I can understand that, not sure what to suggest in that regard. Sometimes people just don't get it no matter how you explain. Don't let it put you off though and remember to pick your battles.

[Hurr1cane]

I know. We never disagree about anything and he's so helpful. He clearly just got on with whatever he wanted to do anyway. I had a feeling he might, which is why I explained WHY I was doing it in great detail and that I was going to try training again but wanted him to forget his anxieties and confusion first.

I can't really say anything to him can I?

[TigerLightBurning]

Personally I wouldn't make a big fuss. He only has him 3 hours. Grandparents always say things you wish they didn't. Maybe remind him of what you are doing and why and ask him if he understands.

[Hurr1cane]

I won't make a big fuss. No point me saying anything at all now I'm starting the training next week I just needed a bit of a rant about it. He does understand, so much that he's brought up that one of his elderly relatives said something (I don't know her) and he quoted everything I'd said like he actually believed it. I won't say anything, but if it doesn't work I know in my own stupid head I'll blame this. Even though it'll probably be more to do with DSs difficulties.

It was just such a hard decision to or him back in nappies that it's really upsetting me more than it should

[TigerLightBurning]

It is always hard especially when you get the 'my child potty trained in a week brigade' going off on one.

At least nappies are good these days. I think it all comes down to the child. It can be a long process just make sure you are ready to do it. If it doesn't seem to be working you may need to leave it again but fingers crossed.

[Hurr1cane]

DS is 8. It's not going to be a week I'm hoping he can do it though. I hate that he's in nappies.

[TigerLightBurning]

How does he feel about the nappies? Is he keen to be out of them?

[Hurr1cane]

DS? He's none the wiser to be honest. He's quite happy with them, was quite happy wetting his pants. He doesn't seem to be bothered either way.

[TigerLightBurning]

DS was the same he couldn't care less if he was wet or not at the time. He is a lot more fussy about wet clothes now. What is your plan? We just took him to the toilet every half hour or so to begin with.

[Hurr1cane]

I've got the medication and 4 weeks to play with to get him at least started. If he isn't well started I'm going to give it up until he's settled into his new school.

I've got a camping toilet for downstairs (he's scared of going anywhere alone and doesn't know how to ask yet) so he can have a downstairs loo as well to start with.

I've got mint imperials (his favourites) as one as a treat for each potty use.

[TigerLightBurning]

Are you going to let him read or play with something whilst sitting? It helps to get them to stay there.

[Hurr1cane]

Yeah his iPad I'm really hoping it works this time.

[TigerLightBurning]

Good luck with it.

[Hurr1cane]

Thank you :) did yours eventually click?

[TigerLightBurning]

Yes, we have occasional wettings when he isn't feeling well and he has just started being dry at night. We felt like he was going to be in nappies for a long time after previous failed attempts but he got there. Sometimes they surprise you.