Sudden increase in aggressive meltdowns in 7 yo

[CurrerBell]

My DS is 7 (8 in September) and is in Year 2. He has Asperger's and strong PDA traits. He's been finding school more of a struggle this year and getting angry/aggressive to the point of having two fixed term exclusions in the last few weeks of term. I suspect he would have been excluded permanently if he'd have carried on doing full days, but he's only doing mornings at school now.

We've always had behavioural issues as he is fixated on what he wants and will refuse to do as he is asked. However in the last two months or so he's just been so much more volatile and aggressive. It only takes the slightest thing now, and in a flash he gets upset. He will kick the walls/doors, push chairs over, stomp around the house aggressively and just really lose it. He has thrown chairs at school and tried to tip over a table. It really scares me as I haven't seen this level of behaviour in him before. Today he pushed me when I tried to calm him down.

Yet in between these flare ups he's the same thoughtful, clever and lovely boy he's always been. He's like a Jekyll and Hyde - just when we're having a great time together, without warning, if things don't go his way he just flips into being out of control.

I know the end of term is a really stressful time, and he's facing the transition to Junior school in September as well. I'm fighting very hard to get him the right support at school - including taking the LA to tribunal for statutory assessment. But I have no support in dealing with his behaviour and don't know what else I can do to help him...

[CurrerBell]

Hi Polter yes I think our DS's do sound very similar. I was wondering if something has changed between 7-8 (hormones?) or perhaps he's just more aware of his differences... He wants to do things (like be in the leavers' talent show) but can't cope with it.

I am kind of hoping this is the peak of his behaviour... it does feel like everything is coming to a head right now.

A big part of me thinks he won't cope at Juniors at all, and I don't know what will happen then. I have been working flat out to try and get support for him but am so stressed myself that I think this must filter down to him.

I have just introduced him to the Incredible 5 Point Scale and he loved the idea (although it doesn't help when he's already in meltdown). I will look at the Explosive Child stuff too. I haven't read it before as I wouldn't really have described him as 'explosive' until very recently...

[Jacksterbear]

Hi Currer. My DS is 8 in Jan and has dxes of SPD, anxiety, and ASD with a PDA profile. He sounds very similar to yours. The Jekyll and Hyde thing is very hard to cope with as the contrast is so shocking, and you are constantly on edge even when they seem to be having a "good" moment!

I really recognise what you say about becoming increasingly aware of his differences, and about wanting to do something but not being able to cope with it.

My DS' anxiety is very bad at the moment, and a lot of his frustration seems to stem from his own expectations of himself, and the disparity between what he wants to be able to do or thinks he should be able to do, and what he can actually cope with. He winds himself up into an absolute frenzy saying he "wants to do x, but doesn't want to do it", all the time.

He also worries a lot that other children will ask him why he is wearing x, or doing y differently - this is a recent thing.

He's had lots of big meltdowns in school this year (including throwing chairs, ripping up work, lashing out at CT, hiding under tables, running out into the playground, and having to be carried out of the classroom by several adults / the whole class having to be evacuated).

I am also a big fan of "the explosive child", and second all polter's other recommendations too.

[Jacksterbear]

His brain brings him many good things - language, humour, kindness, and other things he really struggles with - disappointment, anxiety, demands.

I really like this and can relate to it re DS!

[CurrerBell]

Thanks all - really identify with all you've said about your own DS's. My own DS has a wicked sense of humour and can be very kind too. But he is so fixated on what he wants and what he will/will not do, all the time. He doesn't even seem aware that he's part of a class or that the rules apply to him.

Jacksterbear my DS has done all the things you mentioned: "throwing chairs, ripping up work, lashing out at CT, hiding under tables, running out into the playground...". Now his current school has decided to exclude him I'm absolutely terrified this will continue in the next school and he will drop out of education...

Upandatem I really identified with this: "I am looking for some deep and meaningful introspection when it really was that he wanted something and just couldn't have it for some reason..." Yes - that is my DS to a tee!

Thanks for the links Polter - I have six weeks now to try to bring down his anxiety levels and work on all this with him.

[CurrerBell]

Upandatem thanks, that's a really helpful way of looking at it. I know how badly he wanted to be in his leavers' assembly and how painful it was for him to not be part of it. I was hoping they'd mention his name at the end but no... There are quite a few other kids with SEN in his year and they all managed to be part of it.

I know this sounds awful (and I'm not begrudging the other children their support at all) but it was hard for me seeing the other kids being greeted each morning by their TAs and their parents being able to pass on messages etc., whilst I was just left to settle him into the class on my own whilst he clung to me and refused to go in... no support. Just because he is bright academically, I think they think he should be able to 'help' his behaviour. The SLT person who assessed him recently couldn't even get him to co-operate with some of the tests (yet despite this, concluded that she had no concerns about his language or cognition).

For the last few days of school I've been getting increasingly angry at how we have been let down this year... so I can only imagine how it makes DS feel... Really hard to let this anger go (I need tips myself!!). I want to make an official complaint but I still have a child at that school for two more years...

Anyway DS has finished school now, thank goodness, and seems much calmer. I have just bought him a 'dark den' and he's sat there on his iPad chilling.

[CurrerBell]

In shock... Had a phone call this afternoon to say statutory assessment has been granted! Plus they've agreed emergency funding for DS to have support at Juniors. We don't have to go to tribunal!! Shaking with relief.

[Jacksterbear]

That's great currer.

[CurrerBell]

Feeling bad for mentioning the other kids with SEN in my previous post. Sorry. Everyone has their own battles and I don't know what their parents are going through either or how they struggle in other ways.

But yes it's amazing news. I think I must have made such a pain of myself over the past few weeks that they have agreed just to get me off their backs!

[blanklook]

Fantastic news re the Statutory Assesment, that's a reward for all of your hard work, well done