What is the simplest way to teach social skills to teens with As?

[Penneyanne]

Can anyone give me any tips please to help me teach my son,14,with As,adequate social skills so he can handle himself at school with other peers,deal with ribbing /teasing which he takes far too personally,join in general banter etc.?
The problem is he has no interest in any activities outside of school or sports or hobbies in general.He adores playing his computer games but is struggling to have any relationships with his peers.
It is breaking my heart to see him so isolated.
Do you think this will get a bit easier as he matures and gets older?I am hoping this is the case...I do feel this is a particularly difficult age .
I would love to hear from any of you with experience of this at this age or older.
Thanks .

[Sunnymeg]

I got DS12 'The Asperkids (Secret) Book of Social Rules' by Jennifer Cook O'Toole. It is American, but covers a lot of situations that anybody of secondary/college age would have to deal with. DS keeps it in a pile of books by his bed and it looks well thumbed. The advice is concise and as the author has Aspergers herself there seems to be an inherent understanding that helps DS to take her recommendations on board. She also gives lots of absolute don'ts as well as do's especially about dealing with the opposite sex,,handling money and drugs and alcohol.

[Oblomov]

looks good. goes off to buy!!

[Penneyanne]

Thanks sunny I will certainly check that one out.
Does anyone have any experience of practicing different scenarios at home and what to say/do in different situations?I am not sure how to go about doing this tbh.

[marne2]

We do roll play at home ( with almost 11 year old dd ), sometimes it helps but she is quite stubborn and still thinks she knows best. She's not too bothered about fitting in, she has a select few friends who like her for who she is, anyone that doesn't like her are obviously not good friends to have ( that's the way she sees it ).

[troutsprout]

Do you rib and tease at home? I found that gently ribbing him and his sister a lot helped. Also dh and I take the nick out if each other a lot. He could see it was mostly good natured and that nothing changed in our relationship because of it.
Ds is 17

[TheFirstOfHerName]

DS2 (12) also has 'The Asperkids (Secret) Book of Social Rules' (I think I got it after a recommendation on here) and has found it v.helpful.

[Penneyanne]

I have ordered the book on all your recommendations. Thanks for all your advice.I will try some role play ...am already dreading him going back to school in September.He just cant handle the ribbing /teasing etc and takes it so personally.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

I was wondering how your DS feels about being isolated? I also have a 14 DS who is very socially isolated and only interested in computer games but although I feel bad for him as you feel for your DS, he is actually not that bothered for himself. The only time he seems upset about it is when I draw it to his attention and ask too many questions. I know what he is missing but he doesn't so whilst I am upset he couldn't care less. I am learning to let it go a bit.

That said, as far as I know, he doesn't struggle with teasing and ribbing. I have always teased him and his brother and he gets it. He seems to be OK at school too because either he doesn't get it when other people tease him so it doesn't affect him or he is left alone because he doesn't really expect anything from anybody and they don't have to put up with him.

It is tough to watch isn't it? I shall probably order the book too if it looks like it might help

[Penneyanne]

Hi Bertha...you are correct in that it bothers me far more than it bothers him.I suppose I keep worrying about the future really and how he will ever manage in the world himself?
I do think I overthink it all too much and should just go with the moment really.Its hard though isn't it?
I feel guilty just leaving him do his own thing and feel I should be doing more....it cuts through me like a knife every time I see a group of his classmates out and about in town/cycling in the park/swimming etc.But as you say,it affects me more than him.

[EllenJanesthickerknickers]

Penneyanne, I have a 14yo DS with ASD, rather than AS. He's in MS school and gets upset when 'bullied' teased and has started reacting rather extremely to it. Not sure how to advise, there. School have been pretty good with explaining his disability to his peers (with my permission) and making sure consequences are appropriate.

He is completely unenthusiastic about friendships. He is quite firm that he doesn't want or need friends. It's taken me an age to come to terms with that and to relax and let DS enjoy himself in his own way. He's lucky in that he has two brothers who tolerate him so he can 'practise' social interactions in the safety of a sibling relationship. There is a lot of teasing from his brothers but he seems able to shrug that off. I'm hoping that it will rib off on his school interactions.

[Penneyanne]

Thanks Ellen for that.It is very helpful to hear similar from other people.Last yr the school were very supportive and asked ds about speaking to his peer group as a way of explaining his disability to them but he emphatically said 'no'.I have however decided that I will overrule this myself in september because I do think it will make a difference if they all know that he doesn't 'get' the jokes/ribbing etc .
I am glad you mentioned this Ellen and that it has been helpful for your ds.It has spurred me on enormously.

[EllenJanesthickerknickers]

I'm glad if my post was helpful. My DS was DXed at 3 and his primary friends had a similar disability talk at their level when they were 6 or 7 and it helped enormously. I'm not quite so sure about the benefits in secondary, as the DC are older and less open and tolerant. Especially when they haven't known him from a young child. Some may well use it as an excuse to bully him further and now they know he can be easily wound up, may decide to do just that. I still believe it's been helpful for my DS as other, nicer DC may stick up for him. It takes a brave child to go against the flow, though.

If your DS really doesn't want to divulge his DX, I think things are trickier. If he can 'pass for normal' (phrase pinched from another MNer) then you've got to be really confident that sharing his DX is the right thing for him. With my DS, his voice and movements already single him out as having 'something.' I think you should probably have to have your DS's agreement. Sorry if that's put a dampner on things.

[Penneyanne]

I honestly feel it will help him more than he can possibly realise.His voice and mannerisms do indeed make him stand out too sadly.I do have one reservation which is as you say that it may be used as a weapon to bully him even more.We will give it serious thought during the holidays.
Thanks.You haven't put a damper on things at all!

[SolidGoldBrass]

Just found this thread and already planning to buy the book. My DS is 9 and we don't have a DX/statement yet but there's definitely Something - his class teacher reckons it's Aspergers. His main problem is a kind of general immaturity in social situations - he is 9 but still inclined to roll around on the floor being a pussy cat or whatever, and makes inappropriate noises, though he's very clever.
Part of the problem is that I'm not really 'normal' myself and while on the one hand I want to help him be comfortable in the world, there's also a part of me raging at the mundanes who won't just accept that people are different. I find it quite difficult to explain some social 'rules' to DS which I think are stupid myself, for instance.

[Penneyanne]

I think the immaturity thing is spot on actually solid.I am certain my ds is emotionally and socially approx. 3 yrs behind his peers.He really is more like an 11 or 12 yr old...except physically-he is almost 6 ft!.