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difficult one - child with pda at dd school being violent

(18 Posts)
greener2 Fri 11-Jul-14 12:38:10

Really difficult as I understand it but a boy at dd's new school has pda and i am a bit worried for dd. School are not handling it very well and the boy had ran away from school, is hitting girls, having meltdowns where the other kids have to evacuate the classroom for safety...

My dd has anxiety possible aspeger as she is worried about him.

What do I do? I understand how hard it must be for the family but need to make sure dd is safe....

zzzzz Fri 11-Jul-14 13:17:19

Has your child been hit? If so have they put in place any support to stop it happening again? If not ask them to.
Other than that I can't see what you would want to happen that isn't? Surely if a child is having an anxiety attack, it makes sense to remove the children for everyone?

If your child is anxious about a particular situation all you can do is ensure she IS safe and then reassure her of that fact.

zzzzz Fri 11-Jul-14 13:19:27

"What do I do? I understand how hard it must be for the family but need to make sure dd is safe...."

I have no idea what this means?? confused What has the child's family got to do with it?

If the school is putting your child at risk in anyway, by their handling of this boy you need to make a formal complaint to the school.

The boy's family has nothing to do with anything.

OneInEight Fri 11-Jul-14 14:11:11

Evacuation of the other children is the safest for all concerned so they are trying to keep your daughter and the other children safe. This shows at least a little bit of good handling by the school. Hopefully, this means that the other interventions (which I am sure they are putting in but which you have no right to know as the boy has a right to confidentiality) will also be helpful.

PolterGoose Fri 11-Jul-14 14:55:05

You could start a petition to have him removed, that's what happened with my ds...

Or you can trust the school are dealing with it, you could mention to the mum that you'd like to help if there's anything you can do, you can teach dd that everyone has different challenges and she can help this boy by being kind but walking away if he starts getting angry. You can make sure dd and her friends don't provoke him (very common in my experience).

greener2 Fri 11-Jul-14 17:27:38

Wow! You guys are who I chat to about dd please don't think I want to get the lady's ds removed! I'm saying about the family as I understand how hard it is for them. Have tried to explain to dd but she doesn't understand.

Yes he has attacked my dd.

I have spoken to his mum asking if she has had any support and pointed I. The direction of a few places as if he is not being supported at school properly which I believe he isn't then I feel he is a danger to himself and others ( keeps running away from school and police are called so he is at risk too)

I would prefer to leave this chat now and will keep up talks with the school then as I have been doing and hope they resolve it quickly for all parties.

greener2 Fri 11-Jul-14 17:30:29

Ps my dd has anxiety so it is not easy for her to understand and gives her a great deal of stress as she calls him her bully. I have explained he is not a bully and cannot help it but just saying from my girls point of view how she feels. I would of course always talk to my children about these matters. Difficult for all.

greener2 Fri 11-Jul-14 17:33:09

I meant about the family and it's hard - I didn't want to complain to the school as the family are having a hard enough time as it is and don't want to go down that route as I feel for them so wondered what best to do that was all

greener, it will be helpful for the mum if you complain to the school.

If it makes you feel better, talk to her about it and explain why you are doing it and that you are not attacking her child but trying to get the school to recognise the level of support he needs and safeguard against any future exclusions.

smellyfishead Fri 11-Jul-14 17:51:49

no advice to add, but that WAS my son 3 yrs ago at 5/6, a number of things have happened since then and he has improved tenfold, still a very challenging child, don't get me wrong, but no where near where he was back then, piling chairs and tables into the middle of the class room and fighting constantly, running out of school into town etc etc

Id be interested in looking in to the situation further-as in the mother, as my experience was the school talking down the behaviour and then later delaying telling me/failing to tell me hed been floor restrained, sometimes numerous times a day. the whole situation caused a soiling problem which unfortunately is still on-going today, she needs to delve deeper and find out what's really going on at school, what provision if any is in place? is the school suitable? are there clashes with particular other children? any chance she could get CRBd and volunteer with reading in school or something, to get a better sense of what's going on, how they're treating him?

it is a horribly isolating thing for a parent as your child is seen as the problem child and Ive had remarks from other parents as well as children come up to me to say things about ds, its not pleasant.

greener2 Fri 11-Jul-14 17:51:49

Ah that makes sense thanks as they mum was quite approachable and we had a nice chat, didn't want to upset her! Thanks again I didn't think about it like that but makes sense and will obviously do it respectfully smile

greener2 Fri 11-Jul-14 17:54:30

Crossed posts but so far the mums all seem quite supportive of her and I haven't heard anything bad other than concern. He has a lovely best friend too but isn't keen on girls which is difficult. Glad your ds is getting on better.

Kleinzeit Fri 11-Jul-14 18:41:10

Speaking as the mum of a kid with an ASC who had quite severe aggression problems at primary school… it’s fine to complain to the school. Keep anything you say focussed on your own DD and how the school are going to maintain her safety and wellbeing when this boy is around . Your complaint might even help the boy get the support he needs in the long run, but don’t raise that that when you talk to the school. Stay focussed on your own DD's needs.

I personally would not have appreciated the kind of conversation that starlight suggests. Unless the person saying those things was someone I already knew and trusted it would have added enormously to my stress, however well meaning. Other people might not feel that way, but it's a risky thing to try.

Good luck and I hope things go well for your DD (and the other boy too!) flowers But don't be scared to complain.

greener2 Fri 11-Jul-14 18:50:30

Crossed posts but so far the mums all seem quite supportive of her and I haven't heard anything bad other than concern. He has a lovely best friend too but isn't keen on girls which is difficult. Glad your ds is getting on better.

greener2 Fri 11-Jul-14 18:51:50

Oops sent same. Yes difficult isn't it but think will jut say about dd anxiety. Thanks

Hi Kleinzeit, great to 'see' you again. How's your ds doing?

Kleinzeit Fri 11-Jul-14 20:23:16

Hi starlight. DS is 16 and doing pretty well now! (Fingers crossed smile) He had a lot of support in primary school and it's made a big difference to his progress, he needs much less now. Hope all's well with you and your DS. Not wanting to derail the thread though.

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