Obvious answer, but should I ask a friend this question?

[acnebride]

I think and hope i know the answer to this. it's probably already on the board, so sorry in advance. A friend of mine has a son who is 3.5 now and in my view may have some form of disorder. He can recite entire books and uses phrases out of them, but doesn't make conversation as such. He's lovely, lively and very happy and is going to mainstream preschool 3 mornings a week, since last Easter - i'm not aware of any problems there.

It's absolutely none of my business and I know that and am quite happy not to impose my completely unprofessional views on my friend. But if he does have some form of disorder, would it actually be useful to know at the moment, i.e. might he/his parents get some intervention or support? if so, would it be at all useful to suggest they ask the GP for an assessment?

TIA and sorry if this is a real perennial on the boards.

[MoreTeaAnyone]

Tread carefully, very few people would be happy to hear something like that coming from a friend. Maybe he has favourite books that he like to hear a lot and therefore can remember the words.

[Twiglett]

um .. I think if there's a problem the parents or pre-school would have noticed already

now either

1. they know there's a problem but are not ready to face it yet in which case you pointing it out to them will not do anything to help
   
   
2. they know there's a problem but they do not want to talk to you about it in which you pointing it out to them will not do antyhing to help
   
   
3. they refuse to believe there's a problem in which case you pointing it out to them will not to anything to help
   
   I don't basically see how you can phrase your concerns to your friend in a way that might be constructive ...

[misdee]

i knew dd2 had problems and was seeking help, but hearing someone else voice their concerns (preschool) made it real and i cried in the car afterwards. i am prepared for the nursery to voice concerns now after she starts.

[misdee]

sorry got distracted. Sparkly and other sis voice their concerns to me ages before the pre-school, but they are my sisters, they were warey of saying anything in case i hadfnt notices. i mean, not noticed my dd was atree huigging, face rubbingh genius?

[acnebride]

Twiglett. thank you. that sorts things out for me and i will zip it.

[coppertop]

A tricky one. When ds1 was a very young toddler I think I would have been relieved if someone else had voiced their concerns about him because at the time it felt as though I was the only one who could see that something wasn't quite right. However, by the time he was 3.5yrs old we were already going through assessments and reports etc and someone telling me then might have been a bit too much to take. IYSWIM. It's a bit like when you get a diagnosis - a relief to know you were right etc but still awful hearing it from someone else.

It may be that the friend already knows there's potentially a problem but doesn't want to mention it until she's had a professional opinion. I tend not to mention ds1&2's SN to people unless it's something I feel they should know about. The staff who run the toddler groups ds2 went to know about his autism but the other parents don't as so far it hasn't affected them. Again, ds1's school obviously know all about his autism but until very recently they had no idea that ds2 was also on the spectrum (he's due to start there in Sept 2007).

It's such a potential minefield that I would say it's best to say nothing unless your friend brings the subject up herself.

[spinach]

why is reciting books etc a sign of a disorder, my dd has done this since she was about 20 months and now recites very long books, she almost 3

[Jimjams2]

It's a problem if a child only recites books and doesn't really communicate in other ways. DS1 who is non-verbal aged 7 could recite (using intonation and sound approximations) entire books aged 18 months.

If a child is reciting books, but is always engaging, sharing things, and talking communicatively its not a problem at all.

HTH!

[acnebride]

sorry spinach i didn't want to go into huge details and there's more to it than reciting the books. it was more the general principle that i have some worries and should i raise them - i know i don't know what's NT and what isn't IYSWIM. anyway, i'm definitely not going to say anything!

[Jimjams2]

acnebride- have you read George and Sam- the boy sounds quite like George- his entire eaerly communication was built on using phrases (vaguely appropriately a lot of the time) from books.

I had concerns from a very early age with ds1 but only initially told a few people- I was very wobbly discussing it. I discuss concerns about ds3 very openly but I was far too fragile wiith ds1.

If your opinion is asked then I think it is worth saying something like an assessment wouldn't do any harm, waiting lists are always long and she can always cancel if he doesn;t need the appointment by the time it comes up, but I'd be very careful about bringing it up (unless you're family).