thos with sn and nt children, how old were your nt children when they understood about their siblings' sn?

[wannaBe1974]

I know my own circumstances are widely different from most on here, but more and more people have been asking me recently whether my ds (3.9) realizes that his mummy can't see. And if I'm honest, I'm not sure whether he does. He does know that mummy reads braille, and that mummy's computer talks, but he will still hold a book up and ask me what the picture is, or what "that word is?" And he'll still point to something and say it's "there mummy!" if I can't find something. But he will also say to me if I ask him if he can see something that "I've got very good eyes, much better than yours". Our lives aren't vastly different though, apart from the fact we walk everywhere or catch the buss as opposed to driving in a car, and that my guide dog has to go with us wherever we go, but for ds this has always been how it was so he knows no different. He definitely doesn't yet grasp the concept that he can get away with x because mummy can't see him.

So I was just wondering really, obviously some of you have children with severe sn and their siblings might be more aware than others, but just out of curiosity really - how much do your nt children realize/understand about their siblings' sn and when did they really start to understand?

[Jimjams2]

ds2 has commented on ds1's autism from a very early age (maybe 2) but is only recently (he'll be 5 in January) beginning to understand what it means. We've had quite a few heart to hearts recently- he's just found out that it won't go away for example. He doesn't seem able to get his head around the idea that ds1 probably won't talk as an adult, so I've left that.

ds3 is oblivious and has started copying ds1 (as ds2 did at the same age). IN ds2's case it was things lke sniffing books, ds3 is now sniffing seats, but not really just waving his head on them as he's seen ds1 do, but with no real concept of what he's actually doing.

[PeachyClairHasBadHair]

DS2 will say 'he can't help it cos he has an illness' (he's 5) and he will also make comments about not being able to go shopping with Mummy even without ds1 coz Mummy can't find her way back to the car (I have very limited spaical awareness- unless I can get a space near the shop, it can take up to ninety minutes to find the car again.)

I hink DS2 has a lot torealise yet that will be hard- such as how both Sam's DX and my erm, limitations (for example i can't phone poeple- I have to be able to see their faces to talk to them) affect his life. I cannot take all three boys out alone because of Sam, and there are certain palces we cannot go- eg Tesco, because of the lighting. I foresee anger from both dss2 and ds3 about Sam, with his violence, and it affects their behaviour now- we have seen ds2's behaviour deteriorate, well sometimes it ids hard to get attention here, can you blame him? I cannot.

A bit of a mismatch of answer, sorry. I guess what I mean is, DS2 is 5 and has the beginnings of a rudimentary nderstanding but ahs a lot to learn. we want to get him in a sibling group as soon as we can, but the NAs one starts at 8. DS3 is only 3 and not yet verbal, so he has a lot to learn, and obviously his non talking affects ds2 as well. poor lad. Chuck in my individualities, and those of Dh (who has ahd mental health issues in the past) and I am amazed at how loving, fun and wonderful he is. DS2 is indeed a blessing (and I miss him- he's having a break at Mum's until Sunday, sob!)

[desperateSCOUSEwife]

I find kids especially the Litle ones have a sixth sense on kids with sn.
Ds3 was asking if he was getting a wheelchair when he turned 5, bless.

[wannaBe1974]

dsw my ds did ask me once if he would not be able to see when he was grown-up like me as well bless him. I explained that he would always be able to see - it's just mummy's eyes that don't work. He does get quite vocal about the fact that mummy can do it - there's an extremely patronising woman who works in Tesco who seems to think that I am unable to find the door out on my own, despite the fact I will have walked there from my house, and found the way in and to the till point. DS said to her today "we don't need your help, my mummy can find the way!"

[Jimjams2]

aww bless wannabe.

[Davros]

I started talking to DD about it when she hit 3. Just in very simple terms about DS finding things difficult. Then I got her a couple of books from the NAS which she loves, especially My Brother is Different. And we just talk about it casually. In the hols she came with me to drop him off at summer scheme and wanted to stay at the play centre so I explained that it was for the special children (this one is mixed disability so she could see children in wheelchairs etc). She's also started coming to our SN/disabled swimming session now and then and roared out "that woman's got no legs" but I think its good for her and fine as long as we explain appropriately. It will be interesting to see if she says anything to the staff or children when she starts nursery this Sept.

[sphil]

We started talking to DS1 when he was 4 and read him 'My Brother is Different'. I think we may have given him too much info though, as he sometimes gets quite muddled. He calls all DS2's food 'yeast free', as in 'This ice cream is OK for DS2 because it's yeast free'. This is despite the fact that DS2 only went on a yeast free diet for 6 weeks a year ago, and although he doesn't eat dairy, gluten or eggs, he does eat yeast!! He also blanket uses the word 'sensory', as in 'This is DS2's sensory book' (PECS book) or 'You and me have sensories but DS2 doesn't'. Today he told me that in his opinion the reason Ds2 has eczema round his mouth is that 'he's autistic to snot' .

A very small boy was trying to play with Ds2 in the park the other day and Ds2 was oblivious as usual. DS1 went marching up to him (he was all of two years old) and I could hear him chattering on about autism and sensories and yeast free for all he was worth. Then he took a deep breath and said 'And that's why he won't play with you. I'm the only person he takes notice of. Sorry!' and marched off again.

[theheadgirl]

Hi everyone, new to the site.
My youngest DD has down syndrome. Her elder two sisters seemed to just realise once she herself was about 4 as they remember being that age themselves, and could see the difference between themselves and their sister. Her cousin however who is the same age as DS3 thinks it because she has a "dancing drum" (say it fast!)

[SparklyGothKat]

I remember when we went on holiday last year, dd2 was just 4, and she grabbed DS's blanket out of the caravan ,gave it to me and said 'DS needs this, its cold and his legs are wobbly' (Ds was in his wheelchair that day and it was cold) Not really sure when she realised that her brother and sister have SNs, but she is very understanding about it.