I was speaking to my Obstetrician who suggested I go to counselling before I have my second child, but my insurance wont cover it. The NHS has me on a waiting list for like 12 weeks; I also don't feel like a therapist who has no first hand experience of raising a child with ASD in a family structure like mine would even know where to begin. One does not just go to therapy and stop feeling cheated by the reckless comments of family members.
You may remember me as the poster who had trouble a month or two ago when one of my nieces asked me if my next child was also going to be 'autistic'. That conversation really stirred something in me that brought on quite a lot of unreasonable feelings towards a young child. I have worked through my issues and feel better adjusted to the idea of how many people around me will be wondering if my second child will also be affected. There used to be a time when I cared little about what anyone thought of me. Now that people are thinking this way about my children I am far more on edge.
So we've had a whole summer full of family events. I am currently quite heavily pregnant with my second. From May we have been constantly at engagements, and weddings, birthdays, funerals, religious holidays, graduations and baby christenings...it's been very full on for me, dh and our DS who has ASD.
Our family (or shall I saw DH's family) have children the same age as our DS and I am very proud to say that my DS has impeccable manners. He is kind, will share and is happy to play alongside and even with his cousins if he doesn't feel threatened. He will speak when he wants to, but it's rare.
However, last Sunday I caught one of his younger cousins being taught how to ostracise my son from a children's activity that all the other children were involved with by his mother (my cousin in law). She told her son to keep the door closed so that my son wouldn't enter, and if he did want to enter to just say 'NOOO' and shut the door in his face. She knew my son was just near the door; I'm pretty sure she knew I was with my son. She also told her child it was his right to play with my son's toys and he shouldn't feel he needed to share if he didn't want to. Her son is 2.5 and NT and mine is 5. The worst part of this episode was that my son looked at me and I was paralysed--I couldn't move or talk. I just held my son and tried not to shake. He was the strong one.
At the same event, another aunt made sure to give every child a (small) cash gift and when my son saw this thought everyone was getting one. He was the only child who did not receive one. I saw it, and my son saw it. He kept quite tight lipped about it as he would (because he doesn't talk much anyway), but told me on the way home that the family do not treat him like the other children. I agree. We cuddled and I told him that I will take care of it.
I would like to raise this with my MIL but I don't want to come off as petty. I just hate seeing my son hurt. He cognitively understands what is going on around him...and as he gets older I only feel this behaviour will get worse.
I'm already seen as the 'crazy' one in the family. I can't be weak; I never was before...I just cannot figure out how to be strong again. I just don't understand the motive behind being a bully. I don't get it. I can't justify it and what is worrisome is that my son has a whole world full of potential bullies to overcome. If I can't protect him from the ones within our own family--will I ever be able to raise him with strength?
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crazed ramblings
24 replies
AngryByrd · 20/10/2013 19:07
OP posts:
PolterGoose ·
20/10/2013 19:48
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