Discipline tips for ADHD

[YesAnastasia]

Can anyone direct me to a good website for advice on strategies and structuring discipline for a 4 year old with ADHD please?

Or do any of you peeps have your own tips?

[Starxx]

Hi there ... my son is almost 8 and has ADHD and as for tips, very hard cos we are still learning how to manage him ourselves lol (2 years after dx). Here are some sites worth looking over though.

helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_teaching_strategies.htm

www.addiss.co.uk/

www.adhdnews.com/adhd-drug-side-effects.htm#

www.kidsbehaviour.co.uk/

This one is great for tips:
www.empoweringparents.com/

Hope some of it helps xx

[YesAnastasia]

Wow, I can see I'll need to make notes! Thank you so much.

Do you mind me asking about your DS? How is he at school socially? Making friends? I worry that the other children will find him odd, scary or just ignore him. Or maybe they'll get used to him & accept him? In an ideal world huh? :)

Thanks again.

[Trigglesx]

YesAnastasia A lot will depend on what type of approach he will need IMO. My DS1 is 7yo with ADHD (among other things), and he is not able to take the regular ADHD meds (Ritalin, etc) due to a family history of heart problems.

We do try a lot of different things, keeping what works and discarding what doesn't. The biggest thing for DS1 is that he doesn't respond to negative consequences well at all. He needs countdowns for activities changes (helps prepare him), specific time guides (using sand timers - such as "okay, it's going to be time to go to bed in 10 minutes" and then "bedtime is in 5 minutes - I'm going to put the timer on and when it's done, it's time to go get read for bed." Everything for him needs to be specific - we DO implement time out for specific things - violence (hitting, kicking, etc) is an automatic time out. Always. Honestly, for him, the timeout is more of an opportunity for him to stop and calm down more than punishment. And then we have a calm short (won't tolerate long discussion well) talk about it, then that's it. Lots and lots of praise helps him as well (when he is doing well).

I have a huge chart that has red/green/yellow card places on it. There are always opportunities for him to get green cards during the day. It's very similar to the school set up so it's familiar to him.

It's still a struggle, and some days he's just a meltdown waiting to happen. But we have seen some small progress as well.

[Clare123]

I have had such a difficult week with my ds (6 yrs and waiting for final dx which is probably adhd). He will do not listen - screaming and bouncing constantly and continuously annoying his siblings. Basically, just unsettling everything. This week I have found it almost impossible to stay positive and not shout (I've been completely hormonal too which doesn't help!). Anyway, its a new day - the books are out, 123 magic will be implemented and hopefully we will get back on track.

[MadameSin]

Yes my ds is now 10 and has a dx of ADHD, given when he was 7. Aged 5 to 8, I used 1-2-3 Magic. It's very simple and you probably remember being counted up or down by your parents when they wanted something done/not done. Basically, you are counting up to consequences. I got the audio book as I also have ADD and cuouldn't get through a book even if you paid me It worked wonders and can be used upto 12 years - in fact, at the same time, I used it on ds1 who is NT. I have the tapes somewhere and happy to post them to you if you want them, am all done with them now... PM me if interested. I didn't have to use them after aged 8 as he got the message pretty quickly, but even now I sometimes start to 'count' if he's being tricky. Good luck!

[higherhill]

I often use 'When you have done x then you can do y' instead of saying If as it implies they are going to do what you want them to do rather than the opposite.Also when he's refusing to do something I just state the request again clearly in short clear sentence, and say well you have a choice. You can choose to either do it or not. If you do not do it then the consequences will be ...xyz, and always follow through with the consequences, no matter how knack erred you are , he needs to know you will always do what you say you are going to do. I also try and avoid making up 'punishments'on the spur of the moment, he has to have a warning first, and allowed a few moment s to think about it as his processing is slow.I also try and pick battles and ignore the minor stuff which to other parents might look I'm not bothering to discipline him, but what I am doing is concentrating on the major stuff and we can't nit pick and be on his case for every thing he does wrong its exhausting. HTH.

[MadameSin]

Yes I meant CD obviously ... showing my age!

[Starxx]

Hi again ... my DS is almost 8 and is a right handful. We have tried everything we can think of, been on courses the lot lol.
He just started a special school for kids with ADHD/ASD etc in September so hopefully that will help him as he doesnt make friends easily bless him x

[YesAnastasia]

I haven't been checking back regularly so didn't know you guys replied.

I have a lot of tips there, I have made notes. There are things I do already naturally (like 123 - thanks for the offer MadameSin) but I shout and need alternative because shouting doesn't work and makes him cry & me with horrible guilt after...

I pick my battles too higherhill you have to for everyone's sanity but there's always someone (family mostly) who believes it's permissiveness & I'm to blame for his behaviour -like because I'm doing things differently, I'm pandering to him. It makes me really mad (& sad) when I get comments like 'he needs a smacked bum' or similar *sigh

Aww, Starxx! DS1 has just started school (mainstream) and already he's 'annoying' the other children, even though I know he's just trying to connect with them in his own way - breaks my heart. Good luck to yours.