Now my son is older (8) with no dx, life is pretty easy. He celebrated his eighth birthday by overcoming his fear of all handdryers except the awful Dyson ones.
The problem is, he swings between periods where he has established friendships on the playground and longer periods where the friend has "broken up" with him, and depends a great deal still on his lovely big brother (10).
When we are in the "broken up" periods, I get down, fearful, anxious about him, terrified that his sibling will lose patience with him, and it hits me right in the solar plexus, just like it used to when he was three and people would speak to him and he didn't understand.
Is it his social skills that are the problem? Or is it my lack of acceptance that's the problem? And if the latter, is that because I was brought up to believe that knowing how to deal with lots of different kinds of people and be socially successful is the be all and end all in life? I was definitely brought up to be ashamed of my older brother because he was a loner at school.
I have also leafed through some of the recent books on introversion, which seem a bit simplistic because you can't divide a whole population into two groups. But sometimes I wonder whether these authors make good points about social skills being excessively valued. I also suspect that introversion is more to do with your sensory profile than these authors mention.
Anyway, please don't flame me, but do wander over if you want to chew the fat and ponder whether it's really so terrible to be alone in the playground or whether perhaps sometimes it's society telling us you should never be alone....
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
do you think as a society we are too obsessed with social skills?
goonIcantakeit · 10/09/2013 10:52
I think you've raised a really interesting topic.
On the one hand, yes, there should be no stigma attached to being a loner, having an obsessive level of interest in a narrow topic, not getting social cues quite right.
On the other, there's DS, who has all of the above but wants to connect and fails.
It distresses him (and me) that he cannot get it right with his friends. He is socially disabled.
But he is of the type that adds huge value to society as a whole....surely the first person to observe the night sky as a aid to navigation was on the ASD spectrum...who else would have the memory or the interest to see the pattern?
What about the often quoted idea that Bill Gates/Steve Jobs etc are the highly visible and valuable faces of HFA?
I think my DS would swap that ability for close friendships 
TLP... You make a crucial point.
Only during school years are we "forced" to interact based on age (and frequently, gender). I had no school friends as a young person - I couldn't relate to them. My "friends" were male members of my Cadet Squadron. When I hit Uni, I socialised with grad and post-grad students. Now, my DH is 9 years older than me, my closest "friends" are 12 years older and 6 years younger than I am.
I have told DS that he only has to get through 3 more years of this - he says it doesn't bug him... he finds "watching people try to act like trendy fools" entertaining.
Honestly... so do I 
KeepOn When you have a chance, I'd love to see that article - thanks for offering.
claw You are absolutely correct that exclusion is a form of bullying. Sadly, though - the "structured" social skills training that occurs (if you are lucky to access it) is so woefully inadequate at teaching our DCs anything more than the most superficial interaction that if there is a happy medium, I sure haven't found it yet... when they want to interact, but can't find the "way in", it can be SO difficult
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