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I believe I now have 'evidence' that CP was falsely raised against me. Do I stay and fight, or move and fight?

(177 Posts)
miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 11:19:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz Fri 02-Aug-13 14:29:41

What have you done/what are you doing about this.

"He has been spat at, called names, had property taken at school. He wont say at school (well he tries but is told to 'stop telling tales'). He comes home and tells us. School say we are making it up."

lougle Fri 02-Aug-13 12:24:08

So what do you think you're going to do?

I'm sure you're frustrated with us. Perhaps you feel let down, because we can't see why you would stay.

Have you considered seeing a counsellor to go through the issues you are facing? I'm not talking about counselling for you and your DH regarding your relationship. I'm talking about counselling regarding your DS.

Have you stepped back and tried to objectively look at whether any of the professionals you see have got a point? I don't think it's as simple as 'either they're right or you are.' It is quite possible to have a mixed presentation, where there are some small issues or even moderate ones, made worse by environment.

lisad123everybodydancenow Thu 01-Aug-13 23:09:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miemohrs - if you move your son from a school which is not meeting his needs, and where he is being bullied, you will get nothing but applause, I am sure.

Even leaving aside the issue of special needs and whether your son does or not have a diagnosable condition, you are clearly not happy with his school, the relationship between you and them appears to have irretrievably broken down, and your son is being bullied.

You have it within your power to change this by moving, and getting your ds into a new school - something which could completely transform his life. Who knows - maybe being in a school where the staff were supportive of him and worked to meet his needs and bring the best out of him would be enough to solve his problems, without you needing a formal diagnosis.

And if he does need the level of help that can only be accessed with a formal diagnosis, you KNOW he is not going to get that diagnosis where you are, so moving is still his best option.

As I said, we moved ds2 because we moved from the south east of England to Scotland - but getting him into a school that took bullying seriously HAS transformed his life.

fightingyetagain Thu 01-Aug-13 20:58:39

By the way it's 'them' you should really be moving away from - not the supportive group here.

fightingyetagain Thu 01-Aug-13 20:53:45

All anyone has wanted to do here is to help your ds. Everyone has,and is entitled to, their own personal view. I haven't always agreed with advice given to me over the years on here but have listened and taken things on board as lots of people here have had far more experience than me in certain areas. I hope you will carefully consider all that's been said here and that it helps you to reach the right decision for your ds. Just bear in mind that every hour wasted in a non-caring environment will mean a longer 'recovery' time when he does get into the right environment. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

lougle Thu 01-Aug-13 20:51:53

miemohrs, what is it that you want?

If I stay I will certainly be flamed.
No. You wanted to know if you should stay and fight against the EP who you feel accused you of CP issues. We've said 'no, you should meet the needs of your DS.'

If I move and it turns out ds has no issues I fear I will be flamed.
Wouldn't that be an absolute cause for celebration??? When I discussed DD2 with her new HT, he said 'I'm concerned you'll be moving the problem.' My reply was 'If your school is a problem for DD2, then I'll know the problem is DD2. If I don't move her, I'll never know.' The answer is that some of the issues she had have disappeared, others will stay.

If I move and it turns out ds has issues that need support that should have been supported some time ago, I fear I will be flamed.
This makes no sense to me whatsoever. Firstly, you have been saying he needs support. Should that turn out to be the case, you will be validated. Secondly, you will have got the support he needs. No flaming needed. Thirdly, why are you focusing on you again?

I have enough to be getting on with, without that.
Meanwhile, you forget your DS.

How is it that as soon as you are challenged you close the hatches and bolt? Why is it that you posted - did you want us to say 'wow, that's great, stay and fight!'.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice ourselves to save our children. Forget your ego, your sense of betrayal by inadequate services. Get on with what will give you the biggest victory: Support your DS.

I'm not reading what you appear to be. The very fact that so many have posted here is evidence that they care deeply. I think it was a bit out of order tbh to exclude WA from your list of thanks given she was the only one who told you should you move near her she would physically help you.

You asked if some of what has happened is you. Well it is. I cannot imagine how it can't have contributed considerably. But that is true to a greater or lesser extent for all of us.

But regardless the only way you can try again and have a round 2 with getting it right or even just a bit more right is by moving. You are too bound up in the situation as it currently stands and YOU need a fresh start as much as your ds does, IMVHO.

WetAugust Thu 01-Aug-13 20:47:23

Words fail me confused

zzzzz Thu 01-Aug-13 20:42:44

I don't think anyone has ever "flamed" you.

miemohrs Thu 01-Aug-13 20:26:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WetAugust Thu 01-Aug-13 13:30:58

And this is how the story goes. Each and every time....

Yes - the annual radio silence appears to have commenced.

lougle Thu 01-Aug-13 13:09:37

While we're all here, can I point out this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1815437-Baby-son-MRI-bad-news

A new mum is coming to terms with a very negative MRI following meningitis. I know how easy it is for threads like this to get very few replies because they slip down the board.

Strongecoffeeismydrug Thu 01-Aug-13 13:05:13

This family have really been in my thoughts this last few days, ds was your son last year.
Bullied daily but without the vocabulary to tell me.
The teachers turned a blind eye and I was oblivious to it all ,I could just see a distressed little boy who was acting out to me because I wouldn't stop his distress( I was sending him to hell each day).
As it happens there was a problem with transport so I did the school run and I witnessed him being verbally bullied and being pushed around.
Within 5 minutes I'd arranged a meeting with class teacher, HT autism outreach manager and statementong officer.
Ds was removed that same morning, he had no school but I instantly had an happier boy.
For over 2 months ds had no school as his case went from (imaginary ) panel to another panel .
Ds had been let down by everyone and I really entered a bad space but I had to be proactive for my son.
He's now at a lovely school but its took him 10 months for the trauma of last year to begin to fade.
I can sleep better on a night know
Ing I've finally done the best for my son, I suppose what I'm trying to say is its hard to change things for your child but its got to be done.
He's only going to be a child for a short time and he needs you to be proactive now not when it's too late.

lougle Thu 01-Aug-13 12:35:14

And this is how the story goes. Each and every time....

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 01-Aug-13 12:12:24

Having worked with MPs, I have heard them say to each other that they try to avoid getting involved in LA matters!

Our trouble here is that the county is true blue with little in the way of opposition councillors and certainly none worth bothering with in our town.

The one I did approach simply forwarded my email on to an LA officer and said can you answer this woman!

WetAugust Thu 01-Aug-13 11:14:31

Would have thought a local councillor would be better but chosen carefully. Which party chairs the education committee? Which party has overall control - then go to the opposition who will capitalise on the fuss you create. An older rather than younger councillor has less to lose in the career stakes by supporting you. Local authorities are very politically driven bodies.

You'd probably be advised to go the complaints route anyway.

fightingyetagain Thu 01-Aug-13 06:01:06

Will do wet. I am contemplating whether to get my local MP aware or not. The problem is knowing if they have 'connections' with the other people involved or not as then it will be counter-productive. Hard to know who knows who around here. I will need support when it comes out though as there has been a lot of nastiness and mud slinging from them already to try to make it all appear my fault. They're just trying to distract from the real issues to protect their reputation.

WetAugust Wed 31-Jul-13 23:17:05

Fighting - I'd like to know when your story is made public. Will you PM when it comes out so I don't miss it please?

My big regret is that I did not go after the consultant Psychiatrist that made such a neglectful misdiagnosis of severe mental illness - when DS 'only' had Aspergers. Another more eminent psych told me that if I complained he would support me but I'm ashamed to say there were only so many hours in a day and my primary concern was getting DS and placement and then helping him recover from his experiences.

Meanwhile the incompetent (dangerous) psych had left the UK so was probably beyond our reach anyway. We're out of time now anyway. But I do look from time to time to see whether he's back and to ensure that no one else suffers through his incompetence. angry

claw2 Wed 31-Jul-13 23:06:54

We are having much better days already zzzz, things have improved 100%, I might just need some mind bleach to get rid of that manic smile though!

inappropriatelyemployed Wed 31-Jul-13 22:57:43

There is a "parents tell it like it is". This is fine as long as no one is identified or identifiable.

fightingyetagain Wed 31-Jul-13 22:55:04

'And we're supposed to think teachers act professionally at all times'.

This is so true Wet. The problem I've found is that so many staff at 'good' schools think they are so professional and above everyone else yet just don't see what they are really doing. I have been threatened,in writing, with legal action for saying that certain staff were unprofessional yet that is exactly what they were. Soon my story will be made public so people will be able to see just how 'inclusive and caring' a certain school was. I would like to say it is quite unbelievable but there are, sadly, a lot of similar shocking stories on this board.
IE can you have a 'shocking but true' section on the blog at all? No need to name and shame but getting these stories out there may help others. I, and I'm sure others here too, do have evidence to back up what we're saying so anything factual shouldn't be a problem should it ?

zzzzz Wed 31-Jul-13 22:54:54

I hope you do too claw. There will be better days.

claw2 Wed 31-Jul-13 22:35:42

To this day ds remembers that social workers name and he only saw her about twice. He hasn't seen her for 8 months.

Ds can never remember anyone's name, he has to see people regularly to remember their names, literally every day, it took him a year to remember his class teachers name. He cant even remember my sisters name or my nephews.

He doesn't know the name of our new social worker and every time I say X is coming today, he asks 'who is that' and I have to describe her, he then asks 'its not xx (nasty SW first and LAST name)

I hope he forgets in time.

zzzzz Wed 31-Jul-13 22:26:56

sad

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