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I believe I now have 'evidence' that CP was falsely raised against me. Do I stay and fight, or move and fight?

(177 Posts)
miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 11:19:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz Tue 30-Jul-13 14:07:56

I'd ds making any progress at school

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 14:39:29

So you may or may not have been reported to social services is the stage you are at. It is NOT child protection, as this is not school or paeds decision to make. All they can do is report their concerns to SS and its then up to SS whether they follow this up and investigate or not.

I will say if its a disagreement about needs, SS advice to school would probably be to arrange a multi professional meeting (CAF or whatever its called in your area) to establish needs. Again this is NOT CP. It can only become CP when and if social services become involved.

It is just a threat, however take it as a heads up.

zzzzz Tue 30-Jul-13 15:11:00

Sorry the should read "is" he making ANY progress?

I've read lots of your threads in the past, but struggle to know how to help. I find it quite hard to understand the bald facts of your situation. I don't understand what a "weak positive for ASD" is? Are you basically saying that DK said he had some traits but not enough to diagnose?

Weller Tue 30-Jul-13 15:24:42

While I can understand the wanting to clear your name but how does fighting this change your DS's circumstances? The bullying can only stop if the school act or you remove him.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 15:31:13

I am having trouble following the situation too, I guess its a complex and complicated matter.

18 months ago you asked school to assess for dyslexia type issues. Did they assess? who assessed? what was the outcome?

You asked paed for advice. Did he assess? what did he assess for? what was the outcome?

EP has obviously assessed at some point. What did he/she assess for? what was the outcome?

DK has obviously assessed at some point. What did she assess for? dyslexia? what was the outcome?

You say that your ds was a year behind, but because you requested he stay back a year? Did school agree to this? If so, why, if he has NO difficulties?

"Ed Psy last summer said: some issues.
At MAC in Feb I asked what things were being done.
Was told 'none. teacher says he's fine now'.
Wont even let him use his coloured overlays"

So last summer he had some issues, come February had he made progress?

Who recommended coloured overlays? and why?

cansu Tue 30-Jul-13 16:33:56

I remember your situation quite well. I honestly think the best thing you can do is smile sweetly and plan to move elsewhere. The school will never acknowledge you have cause for concern about your ds and will wheel out threats about cp and imply that you are fabricating his problems every time you raise the issue. You could sit it out until secondary and try and help your ds as much as possible privately by perhaps getting him a sympathetic tutor to help him with his school work or you can move elsewhere and let him settle elsewhere. Be upfront and say that you have concerns, private pead had some concerns but local team see no issues. Wait and see whether new school think he has any issues. If you choose to sit it out where you are, I would deal with bullying by raising issues with a short polite note asking teacher to deal with incident and get back to you. Keep a record of any incidents and any notes you send.

WetAugust Tue 30-Jul-13 16:57:11

Look - I don't often lose it on here but I am in serious danger of doing so:

He has been spat at, called names, had property taken at school. He wont say at school (well he tries but is told to 'stop telling tales'). He comes home and tells us. School say we are making it up

No son of mine would spend one more second of his life at a school where he was abused in the way you have described.

What the hell are you doing by continuing to send him there?

Oh yes - I know the answer already "If I don't send him then they will start CP........" Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Have you ay idea whatsoever of the longterm damage you are causing him by continuing to enable this bullying by sending him yo school?

Oh yes - Aspies don't like change - but Aspies do not have the social or communication or cognitive skills to realise when they should give up on something. Which is why my DS spent far too long putting up with the abuse at his school - he don't know when to call it quits!

Why are you staying. Because you've been told High School is 'night and day' compared to existing school.

Well you haven't really thought that through have you. Because you will have the same cohort of little shits there he are currently his peer group in this existing school plus another load of little shits from elsewhere who will also see him as fair game for bullying.

Plus you'll have the same EP, CP etc to deal with and believe me the staff at the High School will have been told all about your DS and your problems.

You should be moving now. You know you should, everyone is telling you that you should - even the legal services but you prefer to delude yourself by trying to take comfort in the idea that it's better to stay because Aspies don't like change and things can only get better.

I am speechless!

For God's sake get him out of that bloody zoo and get yourself away from these inbreds and start getting him the help he needs elsewhere. you may even find you still have time to salvage the situation but the clock is certainly ticking.

And before I get flamed - if you do decide to move I would support you all the way. You cannot be doing your mental health any good at all be literally going round in ever decreasing circles.

Madness is trying the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result.

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 17:31:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 17:32:53

I suspect it is difficult to trust your instincts and have confidence in yourself, when you have all professionals against you, making threats and telling you continuously you are wrong.

TOWIELA Tue 30-Jul-13 17:37:55

OP can you home school him? 18 months ago I came to the end of the line with my DS's school. The thought of home educating him terrified me (my profession is technogy - not vulnerable children!). It took my lawyer saying to me "you have a very very unhappy little boy" to finally see the truth that was starring me in the face. He was very very unhappy and on the verge of a breakdown. I removed him from school as soon as i could to home ed him.

I don't regret home eding him for one minute.

Can you consider home eding your son until you can move and/or get him into a school that can support him?

WetAugust Tue 30-Jul-13 17:39:46

I was about to type something - but knowing I would regret it later I am stepping away from this thread.

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 17:41:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 17:52:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WetAugust Tue 30-Jul-13 17:57:49

So DK said he needed further assessments - but your area has refused to do them

So all the English schools say dyslexia at the minimum and would therefore have to provide support for that difficulty - but your area refuses to acknowledge

You are doing your son a disservice you know. By wilfully staying in an area where you cannot obtain the help that you have been told he needs.

If he had cancer and there was no treatment available in your area would you move then? Or stay and hope it got better?

Sorry - it's a circular argument at which you are very practised. But when you come on here and describe the abuse that your son is being subjected to daily - something I find extremely upsetting, then I really do think the fault is with you as much as with 'them'.

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 17:59:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 18:00:56

Paed obviously doesn't specialise in ASD.

The way I see it you have 2 choices.

You stay where you are, tell school and other professionals to bring it on and do their worse. Get private SALT, ASD etc assessments to support what you are saying, as per DK recommendations.

However, school and other NHS professionals can and probably will continue to ignore anything that private professionals say. I doubt very much they will say ok hands up we messed up and can see that now.

Your ds will continue to not receive any support, be bullied etc, etc.

or option 2 I think it is more than fair to say relationship has broken down and move.

WetAugust Tue 30-Jul-13 18:01:14

Teacher recommended to parents of Child B that child B thump child C back. The parents of Child C (local gp) were happy.

The school your son attends is a zoo.

WetAugust Tue 30-Jul-13 18:07:15

Claw - I know you mean well but TBH we've regurgitated this sort of advice for a couple of years now. You know it won't be heeded.

Yes, you are pissing off this particular member of MNSN. You are pissing me off big time because behind all your indecision is a young person who is relying on you to do the best you can for him. And you are failing him miserable.

You are failing him because you know he is being subjected to abuse in the school you send him to.

You are failing him because you know you will not change the situation - hell, you've been trying for years.

You are failing him because you are a ditherer. And you're latest dither is - what if it's me? What if this happens elsewhere?

Well lady - for your son's sake - take a chance that it won't happen elsewhere - at least you'd have tried.

I do feel strongly because 10 years down the line I am still dealing with the aftermath of very serious bullying. Don't think it's not destroying your son - it is. It's just that Aspies hide it very well.

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 18:09:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 18:13:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strongecoffeeismydrug Tue 30-Jul-13 18:20:15

Seriously you haven't moved forward in a year, whether your son has special needs or not you know he's being bullied!
My son has severe autism
and routine his everything to him but if he was being bullied and school we're not doing anything it would take me
12 minutes not 12 months and he would be out of that school.
He would be anxious,naughty and a right pain in the arse but he's a kid and even SN kids adapt.
In the long run a bit of disruption is soon forgotten but bullying and unmet needs have a longer lasting effect.

losingpatienceagain Tue 30-Jul-13 18:29:21

Just leave -it's like the Village of the Damned or something.Get out and have a fresh start - your ds will find it hard but he'll get through it. My ds has acute anxiety and hates change but we had to relocate - there was no option about it. It was strange at first but he soon settled and made lots of friends as he was the 'new kid' and everyone wanted to be friends with him.
I just don't get what you're staying for? Why not go somewhere where you can have fresh assessments for your ds and possibly a dx? It will take time to get this but better that than going round in circles for years until your ds leaves school which is what will happen. Why will high school be any better if the same professionals are around with their fixed views of you?
Sometimes it's best to give up the fight and leave. I have lots of evidence against various professionals showing unlawful practice and the like but I am fast understanding when to fight and when not to bother. You need to learn to do the same. Think of your son's health and education - not what the so called professionals are doing or saying - they clearly don't care about you or your son.
Good luck.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 18:32:28

Im not aware of any of the back story Wet

I was once a ditherer and left my own ds in a school situation for longer than I should have because I was being blamed for his difficulties and I didn't have any evidence or experts to back me up at that time. My ds suffered because of me.

I didn't know the first thing about dxing, about SN's, my rights etc, etc. Luckily I found MN, got some support, some advice, some strong words and a kick up the arse from some.

I would hate to see someone stop posting and stop much needed support and advice, as its taking them longer to come to terms with.

beautifulgirls Tue 30-Jul-13 18:53:05

Move schools, you have nothing to lose here. Walk away from the fight too - you don't need the stress any more and will not win this as they will gang up together to fight you. If your child is in a better school (which is likely if you move, it can't get worse can it) then he will become happier and less stressed. I was very scared of the move I made for DD1 earlier this year but the move has been so positive. Make the decision is the hard bit, the reality of a move is not so bad.

PolterGoose Tue 30-Jul-13 19:03:57

I'm with Wet it actually makes me horrifically sad and angry that your child is suffering quite extreme bullying and you continue to take him there.

As far as I can see, based on what you say here and bits I remember from your previous threads, there is no CP action, anyone can say "I'm going to report you for CP" but that is all it is, it isn't 'action', you are wasting your time focusing on that. However, if my child was experiencing what you say your ds is going through, and I wasn't allowed to keep him off school, I'd report it as a CP concern myself, because what you describe is a CP issue, because your child is at risk of harm.

Regarding the idea of moving, whether he has dyslexia, an ASD or any SNs at all, you cannot continue in your paralysis, there has to be a point when you do something decisive, not just talk about it endlessly, just make the leap. It cannot possibly be worse.

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