Cast your vote here! Beekeepers hat or not :D

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

My youngest has an obsession bordering on a terror of all things insect. He screams and utterly, utterly melts down. It's actually down in all his plans because if he sees an insect he will run and if that's under a truck, then it's under a truck! He loses all control. So anyone who's with him knows to grab him, fast.

He screams if a window in the house is open, he screams all the way down the path, he can't function outside at all the moment he sees an insect or if he even suspects there will be one.

So. Would you buy a beekeepers hat (he will use a coat to cover his head so I am fairly sure that a beekeepers hat would enable him to function outdoors) or would you say no, he has to learn that there is never going to come a time when there won't be insects and he has to learn to cope.

I just want to get him the hat to help to deal with his terror. I don't think it matters if he wears a beekeepers hat for the rest of his life! If it means he has a life outside a sealed up house!

My husband thinks that would be the worst thing to do because it's enabling him to continue the way he is instead of addressing the problem.

addressing the problem is so far not working! We show him pictures of insects, we watch tv programmes about insects, we show him how helpful they are, etc, but none of this matters if he sees something flying near him.

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

All things flying insect, I should specify. He doesn't have a problem with crawling things, just flying things.

[SanityClause]

If he's likely to be endangered because of his fear of insects, I would say, get the hat.

You can still keep addressing the issue of insects with him.

What about butterflies? Would they be the acceptable face of flying things? I know you'd have to build up to it, but maybe preparing for a trip to a butterfly house could be fun. He could wear the hat, but still have the "desensitising" effect of the insects flying around him.

[SanityClause]

Sorry, that's not meant to be a "caring carrot". It's an idea, and it may well be a duff one!

[Eyesunderarock]

If he has a hat, you are scaffolding his learning. Which to me is a good thing.
Once he has a hat, then he can go out and not fear them touching him or flying into his face. He can't process anything rational, or deal in a sentient fashion if his brain is in survival mode.
So he gets used to that, and then you plan the next step with a single, non-flying insect for him to observe, preferably in a container. It will take ages, but unless he can control the blinding terror, he can't move on.

[ouryve]

I would say yes. It might help him to feel braver and sit and watch bugs on pavements and walls and get used to being in close proximity to them.

And I know exactly what you mean about that panic. For years, DS1 insisted we walk on a particular side of the road to school. Then someone got a very barky dog and after the 3rd time it scared him, prompting him to run into the road, he was persuaded to walk on the other side.

He's also encouraged to hold onto my arm for "protection" when there's strong wind and/or rain in his face. Acknowledging his aversion has really helped him to face up to it and be less bothered.

[Eyesunderarock]

I've had to address my DS's fears very specifically because when he was afraid, he flipped directly into physical aggression.
We worked together on identifying, recognising, learning pre-emptive strategies, small steps to move him out of complete rejection and towards accommodating the object of his fear. There are some things he is afraid of that he doesn't have to encounter, but others impact heavily on his ability to function in the real world.
So they needed sorting, but from him feeling confident and in control.



I've just had a terribly inappropriate thought about S&M and a 'Safe Word'
But you know what I mean...don't you? he needs to feel he has the power and is in control of events if he's tackling something scary.

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I think im going to just buy the hat. Ive seen one with a midge net that folds into a velcro pocket around the hat.
I feel like my husband is sometimes just too unwilling to accomodate anything they need and just wants them to 'get used to it'
I dont think they can. Its not that simple.

[ouryve]

I know exactly what you mean, eyes!

If your DS is anything like mine, then minor things take on huge significance. And it's not just phobias. He develops real lasting grudges against people, too. Then there's all those things he Disapproves off. When DS1 Disapproves of something, the merest hint to its existence sends him into a ranting spiral of rage. Not good when it's DS2 (object of a grudge) who is doing the thing he Disapproves of (like playing with his Tinga Tinga elephant, or his V-tech Dinos in a certain way, or his Fix The Mix on anything but level 3, or just breathing, sometimes).

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I think im going to just buy the hat. Ive seen one with a midge net that folds into a velcro pocket around the hat.
I feel like my husband is sometimes just too unwilling to accomodate anything they need and just wants them to 'get used to it'
I dont think they can. Its not that simple.

[ouryve]

Hecsy, tell your DH very firmly that your DC can't just get used to things and that HE needs to get used to that

[YoniMatopoeia]

I was just going to suggest a midge net hat. I say go for it

[Eyesunderarock]

Mine used to have a death list with skull ratings according to how much he hated them.

[sneezecakesmum]

Get a protective hat. It is the first stage to desensitising him. It has to be done in stages.

[hazeyjane]

I think get the hat.

Can I just say,as someone with a terror of moths and butterflies - DO NOT TAKE HIM TO A BUTTERFLY HOUSE - they are like the seventh level of hell.

[BlackeyedSusan]

another vote for get the hat. I mean he can not get used to them if he has been flattened by a bus.

[WilsonFrickett]

Get him the hat. But then of course work to remove the hat. So he starts by wearing it when he's outside, then get him to leave the house without it, only putting it on at the first sign of an insect, etc. While working on your other strategies in tandem.

[bochead]

Get the hat!

It's not the same, but when I think of how my own son couldn't go anywhere safely without his ear defenders 3 years ago, gradually progressing to a DS & that now he's fairly safe even at busy Central London train stations, (carries an autism alert card in case he freaks and hangs on tight to me). I can see we'd never have made it this far without our initial artificial aid.

No child can learn (not to bolt in this case) when stuck in a state of sheer terror. Do whatever it takes to keep the child calm so that any behavioral training/desensitisation can actually have a chance to work. Wearing a bee keeper's hat for a year or two while a young child is nothing in the grand scheme of things and means that he hopefully won't be an agoraphobic 50 year old with no quality of life at all.

Try getting your partner to see the "long game". In a sense it's no different to the child that needs braces on their teeth for a year or two in order to avoid a life time of discomfort iyswim.

Stick insects are fun and there's a kit on amazon which ties in with KS1 science. www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B000S5MYIS/ref%3Dasc_df_B000S5MYIS12468526/%3Ftag%3Daskcom1-21%26creative%3D22110%26creativeASIN%3DB000S5MYIS%26linkCode%3Dasn?oo=0&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 Might be a way of getting started with not all insects are evil things. I find when DS can rationalise and understand his fears in a very Big Bang type way at his own slow pace they are sometimes lessened a bit. DS & his mates were fascinated by these creatures, which are fairly slowly moving - the net cage you get is secure! (Forgive me if I sound like a carrot, it's just an idea).

[KOKOagainandagain]

DS1 is hyperalert to the presence of any insects and so would find that the hat would restrict his ability to spot/hear an insect, particularly his nemesis, the wasp. When he was particularly bad I used a spray called 'Wasp Away' made by Jungle Formula although I have not been able to find any recently. This may not be actually effective in keeping insects away but I gave it the powers of a magic potion. He is OK with insects that are behind glass and he felt that the spray created a protective bubble around him.