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Coping stratergies , I feel like running

(34 Posts)

I'm new to the SN boards so hiya blush

Ds 4.5 has suspected ASD/ADHD/OCD sad

I need some short term coping stratergies , as I keep losing it & its not doing either of us any good , he has pushed me to the edge this weekend & im struggling to think how im going to cope for the rest of the day, it doesn't help that I've not slept all weekend & nor has Ds <not that it bothers him>

Ineedmorepatience Sun 16-Jun-13 21:10:59

Yay booby I had forgotten about the stopping game!

I used to play it with Dd3, she used to stop like a statue, then run for a little bit then when I shouted "Stop" she would do a statue again.

It definitely helped her to get the idea of stopping. I think she was nearer 6 when she got it properly though.

So much info blush thanks everybody

I will have a proper read through it all tomorrow x

bananananacoconuts Sun 16-Jun-13 21:28:28

Thank the Lord once again for MNSN!
I am having the exact same problem with ds and this year,6-7 has been the toughest so far! Great to know we are not alone and are able to have a grumble! Can i just hijack quickly to ask a quick question?
Have to do it the long way round here so filled in a caf form, had 2 meetings (next in july) and doing parent nurturing course plus frs coming round once a week as of friday. Can i ask when would be a good time to apply for dla? Nowhere near a diagnosis but frs lady has said she'd write a recommendation for a trial of melatonin from gp as i haven't had a full nights sleep since ds was born!!! Do i need to wait til we've seen a paed or couldi apply now on the basis of no sleep? Ds has suspected adhd/aspergers/ocd

Ineedmorepatience Sun 16-Jun-13 21:31:22

Just glad to be able to offer some support crazy, I was in a bad place like you when I first came here.

The folks on here helped me to get a diagnosis for my Dd3 and gave me the encouragment I needed to get her into a better school.

We still have some tough times but nothing like when she was little, I still come on here though because everyone gets it smile

Ineed... Ds1 is like that. I use a sharp, positive command first, 'walk', 'come back', 'stop' (I feel like a dog walker some days!) and then hold him still and force eye contact to give him the reason.

It's hit and miss tbh but he is starting to grasp the reasons better and will often spout them back to me now. He's a slightly more controlled chaos than he was 2 years ago grin

I have a knack for death grip handholding which has saved him more than once too, he can't shake me off yet, although as he getsbigger it's getting harder without injuring myself, he'll scratch and twist to get free. Hence why I'm working on getting him to understand consequences and develope some impulse control as physically restraining him is harder now. He doesn't learn from experience, he's covered in bruises and cuts all the time and still repeats the same behaviours, so we try and find ways of communicating danger to him that he can retain. For ds1 that's with blunt, harsh, accurate descriptions.

Consequences work better than rewards for him, but they have to be swift and immediate and he has to be able to undo them equally quickly with good behaviour. Goals, long term punishments and stepped rewards don't work. If we're out and he wont stay by my side that means immediate repercussions such as being held or losing an item he has on him. If he can earn his freedom/item back straight away it works, if the punishment is indefinite he loses interest and his behaviour deteriorates.

Ineedmorepatience Sun 16-Jun-13 21:52:10

summer I am loving controlled chaos grin

I agree about consequences, Dd3 is the same. I have to say if you dont do x you wont get y. Not if you do x you will get y. It just doesnt work for her. I also never threaten anything i am not prepared to carry out and I always carry out any threat I issue.

I am a mean nasty mummygrinwink but she is safe and is making great progress smile

Ineedmorepatience Sun 16-Jun-13 21:56:38

banana

I am not the best person to advise because I havent filled one in.

I think you should do it straight away but before you do go on the cerebra website and order or download the guide to the DLA form. It is invaluable apparently for getting all the right info onto the form.

I have got one of the guides and am planning to do the form over the summer [yeah right] grin

I think mothers of ADHD kids are by necessity hard asses grin My mother was tough as nails but even she's in awe of how strict I am, it's not a choice I make willingly but if people thinking I'm a hard nosed bitch keeps my son from getting himself killed I don't care.

Totally agree about never making threats you won't follow through, ds1 needs to know I'm serious and as he cant read people's mood or emotions all he has to go on is what I've done before.

magso Sun 16-Jun-13 23:14:21

Banana, theoretically a diagnosis is not needed to get DLA, as it's supposed to be needs based. However I think it is easier for the assessors to understand need once a DX is in place. So I would say go for it now, but maybe take your time to fill the form in accurately. It can be hard to be realistic because we naturally try to underplay our children's difficulties.

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