Posting here because if I post anywhere else I'll get a flaming and I know I'm awful so I need advice....
DS is driving me bonkers. He is so violent when he doesn't get his own way. Now the rational part of my brain tells me he is angry I want him to, for example, pick up toys in his room because it is not part of his plan for the day and it is change.. But the limbic (I think) part of my brain goes into stress mode as soon as he starts shouting and I find myself making all sorts of ridiculous threats like if he doesn't help tidy I will tidy all his toys into the bin. (Yes, I know I'm stupid) Then he gets even more anxious and comes at me with an absoltely evil and viscious look on his face and it scares the shit out of me for 2 reasons - 1 is that he will hit and hurt me and 2 is that if I don't stop this he will hurt someone else one day..... So then I scream at him and manhandle him away from me and it all gets horrible. I don't hit. I smacked him once when he was 3 and he has never let me forget it. So if I can control myself enough not to hit why can I not stop yelling at him?
I know his temper is all my fault because I yelled at him so muhc when he was little and I didn't know he was ASC . I thought he was just naughty and was helpless at my inability to control a 3 year old... He learned to yell and shout.
So, what do I do? I realise we need a routine for room tidying so that it happens at the same time each week and it needs to be up on a timetable so he can see that, say, Tuesday is room tidying day. I can sort that easily and have begun to make a chart he can see and I can incorporate that into my weekly session of writing events onto a calendar. I can do that.
I know I need ot stay calm but I find that so hard. I am currently trying to imagine there is someone watching me....but that has a negative effective because I get so hung up on the invisible person judging me so I get even more stressed. So, that isn't the technique for me...
I don't want it to be my kids posting on mumsnet in a few years tiem about their abusive mother......
To be clear - I know I'm dreadful, I know it is wrong and I know I should be ashamed of myself and my lack of control over my temper - I am ashamed of myself. I can't talk to anyone in RL about this, i really can't. There is no one to help me. I was offered a 123 Magic course many years ago but then the HV got back to me and said it would be quicker if I just got the book myself from amazon.....
I want to be a better parent. I want my kids to grow up in a calm and peaceful household.
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32 replies
neverputasockinatoaster · 07/04/2013 18:49
OP posts:
justaboutalittlefrazzled ·
07/04/2013 21:54
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