DS has "School Phobia"

[jenk1]

He is refusing to go to school tomorrow, crying punching himself in the head, saying he,s going to be sick etc etc

I dont know what to do, me and DH cant get him to tell us whats wrong, he has been bullied before but we were assured by the school that this had been sorted out.

When we asked him if anyone is bullying him he gets very distressed and starts hitting himself, he usually has trouble telling us difficulties at the best of times, he is at the moment downstairs with me and DH, we are trying to calm him down but doesnt seem to be working much, earlier this year i home schooled him for 2 months but HE wanted to go back, that was before we knew he was ASD/AS though.

Can anyone give me some advice, especially if you have been in this situation before.

TIA

[jenk1]

bump

[Tiggiwinkle]

How did it go this morning Jenk?
My DS (aged 6 with AS) was very frightened of going to school last year. It was also before his DX and it took a long time to sort out. He became phobic about a lot of things in school-the toilets, assemblies etc and was hysterical every morning.
Have you had a chance to ask the staff at school if they are aware of anything before half-term which may have upset him?
I ended up picking up my DS for lunch every day (he had also stopped eating) and this seemed to break up the day for him. The CDC were involved by then and advised using a star chart to help overcome the routines in the morning, and surprisingly this also helped with the anxiety. It also obviously requires the help of the school in order to get to the bottom of what is upsetting him there at the moment.

[coppertop]

Poor ds.

How did it go this morning?

[jenk1]

He was still upset this morning but i asked him to go in and see if he felt any better, in the playground he was tearful and didnt want to go inside but i told him if he felt anxious or upset during the day to tell his teacher or get her to phone me, i asked him if he wanted to come home for dinner but he said no.

When i was stood watching him in the playground, he was just stood biting his nails and watching the other kids- i saw a lad just go up to him and punch him in the back, i shouted DS over and asked the name of the boy but he got very upset and told me to leave it.

It looks like he is being bullied again, i have lost count of the number of times and the school dont seem to be interested, me and DH were talking about home schooling him again because he is depressed but i will see how he went on again today, feel a bit daunted TBH about home schooling, i know deep down its the best thing for DS, moving him to another school wouldnt help because its his ASD/AS that makes other kids pick on him.

[coppertop]

How awful. It somehow makes it even worse that the punch was so blatant, as though the other boy just knew that he wasn't going to get in trouble over it.

Have you looked round any other schools to get a feel for them? It doesn't necessarily follow that ds will be bullied wherever he goes. Other schools may be far less tolerant of that kind of behaviour.

Im sorry you and ds are going through all this.

[jenk1]

the other schools as well as ds,s school are closing down next year, at the end of our street they are building a "main primary school", it will house all of the 3 primary schools and ds,s school will shut down in a few months so its not really worth us moving him.

Have already said that we didnt think he will go to the new school as it will be too big and DS doesnt cope well with lots of people.

I havent had a phonecall yet from school so everything must be ok

[Tiggiwinkle]

The schools attitude to the bullying is not acceptable Jenk. Have you complained or tried to take it further?

[jenk1]

yes, been to see the head on a number of occasions, DS teacher is the SENCO, have had the behaviourment mentor involved, it still doesnt change, i think that they dont view little taps as bullying and think that DS is being oversensitive which sometimes he is due to him having AS, but until we get him statemented which we are waiting for they wont give him any special treatment, he is slowly getting more and more depressed and crying all the time when school is mentioned.

[spacedonkey]

The school's attitude is appalling jenks!

Have you considered taking him out of that school?

[jenk1]

yes, i took him out earlier this year for 2 months, it was really good but i let us be pressured into taking him back by the deputy head when i shouldnt have done really, she even got DS to say he wanted to go back, now he tells me that he didnt want to he just said it because he thought he had too, i think we will home educate him until next year when hopefully we should have a statement in place and we will see what provisions the new school have in place for SN kids

[jenk1]

Picked DS up from school yesterday and he said it was "all right, but i still hate it", anyway last night he starts with an upset tummy-he always does this when he,s anxious so i have kept him off this morning as i cant make him go in again crying etc.

[lars]

Jenk1, I just read your thread and I am appalled by the school's attitude. You can complain to the governors but to be honest this does not usually improve things.

I would speak to the Education welfare officer and tell her, how your son is feeling and what you saw in the playground. There is flexi schooling which somes LEA will agree too.

I do hope this works out for you. larsxx