How do I make my parents understand that DS has special needs

[bigknickersbigknockers]

I know that sounds pathetic, but I have been going through the process of having Ds assessed sincejust before christmas last year. DS starts school in September and has been awarded EEYAP funding of 2 hours a day. Last friday there was a meeting which involved the Head teacher and DSs teacher at the school he will attend, nursery manager, nursery key worker, SENCO, and SALT, oh and me! The SENCO advised us to apply for more funding and then said that she thinks he shold be re assessed in Oct/Nov and if necassary(sp) try and get a statement. She said it was a very usefull tool to have and not to be alarmed.
I am slowly getting my head round the fact that DS has special needs, up until friday i didnt really think he had. I just thought he didnt talk very well!
Anyway my dad thinks that these people are just trying to justify their jobs and that DS is coming on and he will be ok and to stop worrying.
How can I make him see that his comments are not helpfull without getting angry and causing an argument. sorry for rambling on.

[frazzledbutcalm]

Can i ask what ds prob is?

[katw3kitts]

You know I think your dads heart is in the right place.

Things have moved on a lot since he was a parent with a young child starting school and he just doesnt realise exactly how much things have changed ie. that there is so much more specialised help out there.

Make it really clear that you are not at all anxious , and are infact really pleased that your DS is getting extra help.

Hope it goes well.

[HonoriaGlossop]

well you can quote me to him if you like - fair amount of experience as a children and families social worker, plus some time working as a social worker actually based in a school, plus am the daughter of two teachers;

SENCO support/statementing only happens for the children who REALLY need it. If the SENCO is suggesting it she will believe that he really needs it. SENCOs know how very hard it is to get a statement and she simply would not bother suggesting it unless she felt he may really need it.

Schools are hard pressed, and don't offer extra support unless they have to.

I think your dad needs to look at it from that point of view.

Good luck BTW, it's great the professionals are already talking about it with you and planning to help your DS - hope he thrives

[katw3kitts]

HG are you from there ?

[HonoriaGlossop]

Que?? from where?

[katw3kitts]

Glossop !

I assume not then

[TotalChaos]

stepdad is a bit like this - "there's nothing wrong the boy!" etc. I just nod and smile and don't discuss the issue with him, as at least if he doesn't think anything is up, he's not going to say anything unhelpful about it.

[HonoriaGlossop]

ah!

No

[sfxmum]

from year and years working in SN I can tell you often families say that all a person needs is a proper diet and the right kind of vitamins

It can be hard to take in and depending on cultural factors there are all sorts of emotional issues surrounding the issue, bottom line is with a caring family they will always want what is best for the child and will love regardless and that is what is important

[bigknickersbigknockers]

DS has "significant speech and language difficulties" (to quote the SALT) He's a lovely happy little boy but he doesnt speak very well and its becoming more obvious that he doesnt always understand whats said to him. I am lucky compared to some of the mums on here in that i havent had to fight for help (yet) for DS. My dad just doesnt see anything wrong with with DS and i get the feeling that he thinks I am being rail roaded into these assesments.

[bigknickersbigknockers]

thanks for all the replies, I think I am just a bit tired and down today There are people with far bigger problems than me out there.

[bigknickersbigknockers]

thanks for all the replies, I think I am just a bit tired and down today There are people with far bigger problems than me out there.

[bigknickersbigknockers]

oops

[ChickenWoman]

Special Needs to that generation isn't seen as a good thing. They 'made do', 'got on with things', 'stiff upper lip', 'didn't complain' etc.

To go against this was considered undesirable.

Whilst many parents would rather their children didn't have special needs, there are lots and lots of positives, particularly as we are striving to a standardised, common idea of 'normal'. The people who are 'special' will stand out in a good way. They will be more interesting to future employers, they will be able to see things differently, and make use of opportunities most of us don't even notice.

Can you explain this to your dad? That your LO is special? Why would he or you want him any other way?

[bigknickersbigknockers]

I definatly wouldnt change a thing about DS, he is a lovely placid boy, I will try and explain that to my dad. I think thats what it is with my dad, that special needs didnt exist when he was a lad. I know he means well but some days I just feel I am going to lose my temper when he says "theres nowt wrong with him"

[bigknickersbigknockers]

What exactly is a statement, and why is it different to the funding from EEYAP?

[ChickenWoman]

Well he's right, there's nowt wrong with him, - but he doesn't FIT well into our currently underfunded, culturally and socially biased education system, and so will need to be supported in the competitive environment that it has become, to achieve his potential.

[cory]

I think all grandparents struggle with this one. I've had my (lovely and supportive) Mum hint that if we had only stayed in my home country dd would have been all right (err, Mum... her disability is genetic...and there is good evidence it comes from your side of the family... )

What they are trying to express is their sadness that something should be wrong and some sort of wrongheaded-but-trying-to-be-helpful optimism. It never comes out right. But eventually you can train them to say the right thing. Felt I had a bit of a breakthrough with my Mum the other day when I told her we're applying for DLA and she actually said 'I'm glad to hear it, you need it and you deserve it!'.

[mumtofour]

Hi bigknickersbigknockers a Statement of Special Educational Needs is a legal document which outlines all of your childs needs and how these needs should be supported. The statement will also look at your childs non-educational needs such as social, emotional or physical. The statement is reviewed annually to keep it fully up-to-date. You have a say in the statements contents and the school stated on it. If at any point in your childs academic career you feel a special school will better meet his needs then he must have a statement as you cannot get into a special school without one. You are in a great position as you have the backing of school and professionals, many parents have to convince schools that their child needs a statement. It is as the SENCO stated a good tool however it does not come guaranteed with funding. If you can you need to try and get things stated specifically in the statement like number of hours support needed or hours with speech and language therapist etc as the school can then bid for the fundung specifically needed but this kind of specific information can be hard to get in some areas of the country.I suggest if you decide to get a statement you contact your local parent partnership as they will be able to offer advice and support. With regards to your dad he will deep down have you and your sons best interests at heart he is probably naive as to his needs. I just suggest you talk to him and make him aware of your concerns and what you think is best for your son and I am sure he will be there to support you.

[bigknickersbigknockers]

Yhanks mumtofour, you sound like you know your stuff (like many others on MN) I dont thing access to SALT here will be a problem, in fact I have only had to make one phone call where I had to be a little more forcefull to get what i want. I do find myself telling other mum's whats happening with DS but I am not sure if I should or not.
I just wanted to be able to explain what a statement was to my parents and anyone else who asks.

[mumtofour]

Glad access to SALT not a problem for you. With regards to what you tell other mums I would say if you want to tell them but don't feel you have to tell them. If I felt my son would benefit by others knowing then I said something but if I didn't feel it was necessary I didn't if that makes sense.