Advice needed re: dd2

[funkymumof4]

Hi there

I have a 6 year old daughter and I'm not sure where to start really!

Her school teacher seems to be struggling with her behaviour. One instance was pretending to be asleep on the carpet in the classroom and two teachers having to drag her out of the room (whilst still pretending to be asleep) as they thought something was seriously wrong with her.

She is very loud and SHOUTS ALL THE TIME is constantly active, running at inappropriate times and acting like a 'goon' in public.

She will not settle down at bedtime as is often awake at midnight and will jump out of bed at 7am.

Her teacher says when she starts being silly she doesn't know when to stop. She is under acheiving at school - cannot read or write without help - she doesn't really know her letters yet. It's not for the want of trying, but she has no attention span!

Apart from that she has an obsession with collecting obscure things. For instance we had a takeaway tonight and she wanted to keep the burger box?! She has it under her pillow.

She is also brutally honest with people, seeming to have no idea of how other people may feel when she says things. She is constantly telling her grandma she is old and will die soon and telling my friend her house is a mess and she should tidy it

She has a great sense of humour though and makes everyone laugh.

I have 4 children and she is the 2nd child - dd3 has SEN due to a motor co-ordination disorder (amongst other things).

The teacher has advised me in a roundabout way to see the GP, but I can't make my mind up whether she is just a lively child with no time for education, or there is something underlying.

The teacher seems young and inexperienced and often speaks to parents after cless about their behaviour. It's almost like if they don't fit 'into a box' then she doesn't have time for them.

Your opinions will be appreciated.

Thanks x

[Niecie]

Hi Funky,

I am not sure if there is anything to be concerned about in your DD's behaviour. She could be just a really active, spirited little girl or on the other hand she could have a problem. Difficult to tell. I can see why you might be worried though, and certain thoughts go through my head but then on the other hand you have posted in SEN and having a son with AS I have spent a few years sympton spotting even where there may not necessarily be sympton!

It is all a question of degree. For example, you say she is 6 and can't read or write but is she is yr1 or yr 2? Not knowing letters in Yr 1 is probably OK but more worrying if it is Yr 2 I would have thought. Or she seems very active and full-on but does she ever have quiet times when she does concentrate on anything, even if it is just the tv.

I think, if the teacher is suggesting that seeing the the GP might be a good idea, that perhaps you should give it a go. It depends, though, on how worried you really are and whether you thought there was a problem before the teacher mentioned it. Hopefully the teacher is being over-zealous and just needs to learn to handle your DD but if not then the sooner you get some help the better.

Hope it all works out for you.

[OverRated]

If the teacher is having trouble with her too, maybe she needs to talk to the SENco? Or perhaps you should ask for a meeting to see what they suggest?

From what you said, its hard to know if she is just a lively 6 yr old or if there is more to it than that. I think a chat with the GP mightn't be a bad idea to put your mind at rest or get a bit of help.

What happened re the sleeping incident? Why was she pretending to be asleep?

[funkymumof4]

Thanks for yur advice ladies. dd is in yr 1 she can concentrate on the tv yes (often gets obsessive though so we have to set limits which leads to major tantrums). In the old school she went to she had problems in reception such as swinging on the branch of a young tree and snapping it in half. Punching a boy really hard because he went in her drawer was another incident. I assume she pretended to be asleep for attention (or they were doing something in class that she didn't want to/couldn't do).

I have had discussions with the teacher about her almost every day but she doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. She keeps suggesting the senco teacher, which I agree to but she is doing nothing about it.

I know it sounds daft, but already having one disabled child, I don't want to be too quick to label dd2 if there is nothing really wrong with her.

[funkymumof4]

I should also mention I had her assessed when she was 3 because I was convinced something was wrong then. They seemed to think she was normal, which puts me off a bit.

[Peachy]

RE the lying down, have you looked at stories like the boy who cried wolf? Might help.

DS2- totally NT- would keep something like a food box. DS1 (ASD milder) would keep all the food scraps, burger box and whatever else was in the bin.

What does SENCO think?

[LIZS]

Can't you speak to the SENCO yourself ? Her behaviour does n't sound right even for a Year 1 child, but may be her perosnality which she might need help controlling or another issue. Either way an assessment wonlt hurt.

Also worth lookign at her diet and tv/video game usage , perhaps keeping a diary for a couple of weeks . Maybe she is sensitive to something she eats (takeaways are notorious) or is overstimulated visually which in turns disrupts her natural sleep pattern leading to overtired and excitable behaviour.

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

TBH I do think you need some sort of professional assessment. I wish you luck.

[nortynamechanger]

I agree with LIZS.

[TotalChaos]

I would speak to Senco first of all. I agree with NAB though - that seeing as there's educational problems as well as behaviour problems it would be worth going to see the GP.

[funkymumof4]

I don't think her diet is affecting her as she eats healthily apart from the odd takeaway and has school meals every day. She LOVES fruit and vegetables and if it is possible - eats too many lol!

She does frustrate me to tears sometimes though so i think I will go to the GP because it is affecting her education. Also she is really struggling to make friends at school, I think the other children find her too overpowering.

[cornsilk]

There's an article in the Times today about fruit making children boisterous after a meal if they're not directed by a teacher. Don't know what to think about that, but if the teacher is young and inexperienced it could be that she hasn't really got a handle on your ds's behaviour. Sometimes children will 'act out' if they don't feel secure in their classroom environment. Or because they have SEN that isn't being addressed. It's very difficult to say really. I can understand that you don't want to go back to the GP if you've been once. Perhaps you can ask SENCO to refer her through school instead.

[Peachy]

Actually funkymumof4- have you heard of salycylates (sp)? DS1 reacts to those- biggest sources include apples, apricots, citrus, tomatoes, etc etc etc- so yes you can actually eat too many, and the results often mimic the behaviours of ADHD kids.

Diet can be a blardy complex thing!

OK. Now, if the SENCO (and she is very much the one you should be chatting to here) thinks your dd has behaviou8r warranting a check up, I wuld follow it up- I know several (including one of mine) who were found NT as 3 year olds but it became apaprent later on they weren't; at this age a aoprent can often pick up more subtle abnormalities than the Professionals.

BUT a check up can also rule out any underlying issues. Its stressful having a sibling with sn, no matter how much we protect the other kids- my NT ds2 struggles immensely with this, and even when its not losing out on attention at home or wahtever, he also feels the strain from other kids at school who like to make snide comments (maninly about ds1).

[Niecie]

I agree with Peachy - if she has a mild problem it may have been too soon to get her assessed at 3. There are plenty of people on here with children who don't have them assessed until much later because their symptoms aren't really apparent at 3.

Also the professionals aren't always keen to give a dx at 3 for certain conditions because children can change so much in the early years. Certainly when DS1 was going through the assessment for AS/dyspraxia they were very non-commital at the beginning as he was only 3.9. Thankfully, I suppose, by the time he had seen everybody and been assessed properly he was 5.5 so they were more comfortable with giving us a proper DX but he is a mild case.

Definitely see the SENCO for coping strategies but I would still think you should see the GP to get a paeds referral. If you don't think the GP will take you seriously because you have seen him before, make a list of the problems as you have done here and, if the SENCO is willing, get them to write a letter to back you up so that the GP knows you aren't just an over-anxious parent.

I hope you get some help soon.

[LIZS]

ds was assessed by SALT at 3 and passed , just. It was what we wanted to hear and so we were happy to leave it . 2 years later he was assessed by an OT and found to have problems after all.

[funkymumof4]

We have parents evening in a couple of weeks so i might have a good chat with the teacher then. It just seems really hard to catch the teacher at hometime in private.

Thanks for all your comments. She has been really lovely this weekend though (apart from her sleeping!) And has just drawn me a picture saying Alufluw on it 'I love you' apparently . It's times like today that I think maybe there is nothing wrong after all.

x

[cory]

Some of the behaviour in the OP is rather reminiscent of my goddaughter who has mild Aspergers. In particular, not understanding the boundaries for appropriate behaviour, not understanding about other people's feelings and not seeing the consequences of your actions. My gdd spent the night with us at a similar age and horrified dd by getting up in the night and wanting to swing from the ceiling lamp, Tarzan-fashion. Fortunately, she couldn't quite reach. She also had difficulties understanding boundaries, personal space etc. I think her parents found things improved greatly with a diagnosis; it helped everybody to understand where she was coming from. She has done very well in junior school from what I understand and seems a happy and secure young lady.