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Would you be overly concerned?

7 replies

hebetalbot · 25/01/2008 15:01

Hi, I don't post very often and my problem is minor compared to some of the others I have read on this thread but I just feel confused and perplexed. My dd who has just turned 4 has an IEP (individual education plan) for her behaviour at nursery. She is bright and sociable, has no speech or language difficulties and iss meeting all her milestones. However, she can become very disruptive at Nursery - throwing toys, sometimes hitting other children and staff. The IEP has been set up to help DD with transition from one activity to another and small group work. Apparently she finds large group activity difficult and this is when she is likely to misbehave. We have also set up a positive reward system. DD gets a marble a day and when she gets 7 she can have a small packet of sweets. The nursery have implemented this as well although invariably she never gets one on the two days she is there. DD also goes to a pre-school 2 mornings a week and the contrast could not be more different. They say that DD sometimes finds large groupwork challanging but in the main she is well behaved and can be easily distracted into behaving well. I just don't get it - DH and I feel we are fairly consistent. The only thing I can think of is that the environments are different. Pre-school is more free flow and nursery has smaller rooms where 2-3 and 3 and over tend to be more separated. Advice and stratedgies would be welcome because she is due to start reception in Sept. Sorry for going on

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hebetalbot · 25/01/2008 15:14

bump.

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ancientmiddleagedmum · 25/01/2008 17:29

Hebetalbot, I don't know if I can offer much help, but IMHO, the reward system doesn't work for aggression like this. My DS is autistic, so it's a different situation, but we used aversive techniques to stop his aggression - I don't mean anything violent, I would NEVER hit a child, but every single time he showed aggression we washed his hair (which he hates). Of course you can't do that at school, but I wonder if there is some kind of "punishment" they can do, even if sitting on naughty step. Trouble is, schools are so confused nowadays that they only ever use the carrot part of carrot and stick, and I think some small children need both. If she ever hits at home, could you take her computer or Tv access away, and if you hear about it at school, do the same?? If she learns that it is ok to hit when frustrated, it's a behaviour which will be harder to crack later on. My DS doesn't hit anymore, as he has sort of unlearned the behaviour, which they told me is much easier to do before the kid is 5. I'm sorry if this isn't helpful, I just thought I'd share with you what we did, and I know some on here will not agree, but for me it was the best choice. We use a kind of therapy called ABA, and they believe that you can "unlearn" a behaviour if you tackle it early enough and consistently. When DS went to a special needs nusery, they too refused to punish, and his behaviour went downhill. The best they could offer was to praise him when he's "not hitting" - that to me showed how mad this obsession with not telling kids off has become!! Sorry for rant!

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magso · 27/01/2008 00:00

Hi Hebetalbot, I'm not much help (ds asd/sld so a different situation)but I would trust your gut feeling, - and not be overly concerned. If your dd behaves 'normally' at home and at preschool, but shows higher levels of aggression in nursery then its something about the nursery that affects her behaviour. (I am assuming both are morning activities.) This might be things she may have to learn to cope with (such as the stress of lots of other dcs in the same room/ sharing/ socialising in larger groups) or something that could be tweaked to make life less stressful. For instance is it too noisy, so she mishears instructions and feels confused, or is it crowded so she feels squashed or keeps getting bumped. Or it might be the more relaxed atmosphere at home and preschool suit her better.
I agree with MAM that some children need very clear consistent consiquences to learn to control impulses, as well as lots of encouragement and are confused if limits ( in a busy enviroment for instance)are vague! Is there anyway you could watch her unobserved and see if you can fathom it?

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colditz · 27/01/2008 00:05

Get her ears tested.

Plus tell nursery that 7 days for a packet of sweets for a 4 year old is unrealistic. 1 day, 1 sweet. And for at least 4 days, she MUST earn that sweet, even if it is just for 'good tidying'. If she never earns the marbles to earn the sweets, how the hell can she learn that actions have direct consequences? They evidently (to her) don't!

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smartiejake · 27/01/2008 00:13

A 4 year old with an IEP for this?! She is a very small child in an environment not suitable for her age or temperamant.

She is well behaved otherwise? Not problematic at the other preschool or at home?

Sorry IMHO it's the nursery that need an IEP as they obviously have no idea how to behave with a NORMAL 4 year old!!!!

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colditz · 27/01/2008 00:36

Sometimes a child having an IEP is a GOOD thing, because you can pick it apart at the seams if it's not working.

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colditz · 27/01/2008 00:38

And also, the nursery can be legally made to adhere to it if it IS working. Who wrote the IEP? Because although I have met some very intelligent, professional and diligent nursery staff, I've also met some some right turnips too, many of whom I would trust to change a nappy on their third try, with illustrated instructions, so it all depends who wrote the damn thing!

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