Helpful advice requested!!! New to mumsnet...

[clarisa]

Hi, and thank you for taking the time to read this!! My son is 9 and is at last (after a long wait) going through the process of diagnosis for autism. He has been seen by paed's, ot's, spch th, etc etc and after a lot of pushing has eventually been accepted for the diagnosis stages. At the moment he is in mainstream primary, and has a full-time one-one,(which has very recently changed to a new person). I feel the school are very supportive in some ways (eg supplying a one-one, and keeping me up-to-date on the goings on) but not in others. A lot of problems are happening at the moment, but they never seem to look at the 'core' problem that instigated it in the first instance. eg: he has very poor balance, motor perception of which they are aware as he has had a diagnosis of 'damp' syndrome..... yet they try and get him to participate in gymnastics (of which he finds humiliating as he can't do things other children find simple....rolly pollys etc). So he has to sit dressed in gym kit and watch the class do these things, knowing he can't...... which obviously frustrates him. To me the simplest solution would be his one - one do something different with him when the class do gymnastics???? is this too much to ask???? well it seems it is. This hapened yesterday, he was asked if he wanted to join in, which he declined....so was told ok you don't have to. He took himself off and started getting changed back into his school clothes back in his classroom. his one-one approached his teacher to ask if she had let him leave the room, and was told no, so one-one went looking for him. (where was she when he left the hall?????) found him in classroom attempting to get changed (of which again he finds very difficult and time consuming) and told him to return to hall. He refused as he was getting dressed, so one-one got teacher who got him back in hall. To him he logically thought I have been told I do not have to participate so why am I in gym clothes????. In there eyes this was wrong.

Obviously this upset him, he returned to hall. Fell out with his one and only friend, as he was trying to console him but my son needed his space. This went on for a while...... I was informed him and his friend got back to class quickly and by the time his one-one and teacher had returned he was holding scissors asking his friend to leave him alone or else he would stab him.

I appologised sincerely to his mum (who I look at as a friend), and she has reasurred me not to worry. I have explained over and over to my son that this is totally unacceptable, and he understands totally now.but said he couldnt get him to leave him alone.

I am sure this will not happen again, but still put part blame on the situation before....does anyone agree with me???/ have any suggestions on what to do next. I feel like removing him from school and home tutoring (even though I have an 18mth at home and it would be very difficult)

[Piffle]

Just wanted to say hi and welcome
You have come to the right place. Mumsnet has an awesome group of people on SN board who know a lot about Autism ASD and so on

No experience myself ( my daugther has something altogether different) but wanted to say hi

[pagwatch]

Do post this on the SN section.
My son has profound ASD but is in an ASD school so I would not have to deal with this and am not sure how you should approach the school.
But if you post on there there are lots of mums with children in mainstream with support and would be able to offer advice.

welcome anyway

[Pwsimerimew]

Hi! I'm new to this site today - out of sheer desperation to find advice like your self.
My son has been diagnosed with mild aspergers and has just been given 26 hrs 1: 1 since November to help with his behaviour at school.
He's always complaining that he is not listened to at school, and that they say and do two different things,. When he does this he doesn't understand why he is told off!!
My son's school actually doesn't insist on him joining in with sport any more, I think they found it too stressful. ( He doesn't like football or any sports. ) Unfortunetly, my son's not happy about this either and is a bit confused why he's not invited to join in.(Even though he spent last term's sport classes avoiding getting changed, and standing on the line!!)
My problem is that he's well behaved and polite and loving at home, but we do not recognise the person he becomes at school. Did no work at all today, just played with his ruler. What do I do?
Well any way, it's all off my chest now so I'm already feeling better. Might be better off keeping a diary!
Hope to hear from you soon.

[discoverlife]

clarisa if you are interested in HE ing, ask julienoshoes about her experiences as she has SEN children who she HE's.

[needmorecoffee]

I HE'ed my son wtih Aspergers for 8 years.

[Peachy]

Hello and welcome

Have to pop off and deal with ds3 as he's doing the arm puling thing but will come back in a minute after some thought (ahve 2 sons with asd and a school nightmare so might have some ideas but will see what others have posted first)

[Julienoshoes]

There is a book you might be interested in reading
Home Educating Our Autistic Spectrum Children: Paths are made by walking:
Edited by Terri Dowty

Synopsis
Mainstream educational provision for children on the autistic spectrum can be inadequate or inappropriate. An increasing number of parents dissatisfied with the education system are looking elsewhere for an approach that will suit their children's needs. In "Home Educating Our Autistic Spectrum Children", parents who have chosen to home educate their children with autism or Asperger's syndrome candidly relate their experiences: how they reached the decision to educate at home, how they set about the task, and how it has affected their lives. Following these personal accounts, the final chapters offer practical advice on getting started with home education, legal advice from an expert in education law, and contact details of support organisations

You can get it from the website for families who Home Educate children with Special Educational Needs

There is a email support list link there to chat with other parents who home educate their children with difficulties like your son's. You could meet me and needmorecoffee there!

The list is open to parents who are home educating or who are thinking of home educating their child with SEN.
There seems to be a growing number of children being home educated these days-and many of them have difficulties in school such as you describe.

[Unfitmother]

Hello, sorry to hear about the problems you have encountered.
I have a 10yr old ds who is currently being assessed for a diagnosis of ASD and has had a statement since yr 1.
Have you asked to meet the Head or the SENCO to discuss your concerns? The way you have described them to us makes them sound very reasonable and fully justified. If your ds has a 1-2-1 there's no reason why he couldn't be doing something else.

[Peachy]

OK first thoughts- there is some literal understanding going on here (the changing out of sports clothes) which your son is going by as he would, but school is sticking tt he rules- as they would too- of no child elaving room etc. i wouldn't be too concerned where 1-1 was on a single occasion: quite often they take a break during a lesson in order to supervise throughout lunch or even just use the loo- how exactly a 1-1's hours are allocated allowing for breaks does vary.

I suspect teh reason that your son isn't allowed to just exempt himself from gym is related to national curriculum PE requirements? Just a guess though. I am surprised they ahevn't managed to find 6something^ theyc an do with him- my ds3 is autistic with severe language problems but they still manage to do some3thing even if its just running up and down the hall. And of course, some participatin will only help with his co-ordination skills. Humiliation is an issue as ASD kids do often suffer self esteem porblems but again finding the righta ctivity for your son would be extremely valuable- far more so than just eliminating physical activity from his day. Does he, btw, have a potential dx of dyspraxia? Not all ASD kids ahev co-ordination isues; ds1 has weak wrists (hypotonia) but is physically gifted despite his HFA (mind you, he cant read or write so it all balances).

concerned thats choola re paying for the one-one- what's the situation with regards to a statement? you don't need a dx to get one (though it can help), and as longa s school provide the help theya re also able to pull it at any moment of their choosing. I personally would want something more secure in palce though of course getting that canbe ahrd- we were initially offered 10 hours for ds3, we appealed and got 16, he's now being transfered out (hopefully to a specialist ASD unit) because school cant cope on that. Makes nos ense. Shoudl you want took at that further, you ahevmroe power if you apply yourself and www.ipsea.org are a great info resource.

AS for the stabbing incident- sounds very familiar. DS1 has a time out resource available now all the time (just a chair in the library, nothing elaborate) and carries a laminated card of steps to take when he feels anger or stress. Maybe that would help? Asking where on earth he got the scissors would seem reasonable for a non supervised child , of course! I would also be talking to the school about the possibility of ASD awareness traning for the kids- our school is considering it for ds1 (no names will be mentioned)a ndI think it can be invaluable anyhow for kids to elarn about thsi sort of need. The positive thingt hough is that whilst if it were ds1 I'd be going 'Oh not again', you seem quitre shocked so unless it did show signs of happening again, I would see it as a once off. maybe look up social stories though and use with ds about personal sapce and how tor eact when someone invades it?

[clarisa]

Thank you all for your thoughts, ideas etc... all taken onboard!!!

Just to keep you in picture, ds has now had 3 exclusions, all due to lack of understanding etc etc. I have just had an eye opener of a meeting with head,classroom teacher, but one-one couldnt make??? (as due back today...but I am not taking him back) I took along a fantastic lady from Parent Partnership (FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE OFFERED THIS, DO SO!!). As many of you may already be aware, they can offer a trained volunteer (Independent Parental Supporter) to support you personally in a variey of ways in discussing and considering your childs needs.

Well, opened quite a few alarming things that are/ or not as the case may be happening in class. Certain proffessional people had put in there ideas and stratagies to help ds, and these have gradually all been taken away????( all due to not having a diagnosis yet!!!) Eg visual timetable/ own area/ reward system/ Approach/ timeout/ Alert Alert 'Scaffolding removed'. They thought he was coping and "didnt need to be different from any other child in class". So quite frankly I blew my lid!!! Also I was advised that for social reasons ALL children change desks quite frequently, well you can just imagine my thoughts there.

We have the long awaited meeting next week where all pro's and I discuss and come to a diagnosis/plan of action for ds needs. For all you out there that are just beginning the process, keep a strong head on those shoulders, I know its easy to feel you are on your own, but believe me, there are lots of other people out there with the same difficulties you are facing.

I went along with a friend (after a lot of persuation)to a group meeting for parents with autistic children/awaiting diagnosis...... and it is one of the best things I have done, just like on here, you can air your thoughts, problems and concerns......and low and behold, someone else has been through it, and there are windows that will open, and light at the other end.xx

By the way have been advised to seek support from GP to sign ds off school as he is unfit to attend.......due to all this exclusion,lack of understading and support from the school ds comes up with things like.......if I stab myself, I can have time off school because I am ill, if I bang my head harder on the wall/desk I will get a headache and will not need to go to school. I hate school and I hate you (me) for taking me. So have to go and see her this afternoon. I am going to stand firm, I am not going to compromise anymore, he has missed nearly 2 years of the provided curriculum due to there lack of awareness,understanding and support.

Will keep you all updated, as and when things happen!! Again many thanks for all the support and advice and again like I said all has been taken onboard xxx

bye for now clarissa xx

[clarisa]

Sorry...... also I have now applied for a statement of education, as like many of you have said school can stop one-one at any time. So its another long wait for that now!!! But worth the wait if we get one.xx.