Really struggling with my feelings towars DS1

[lifeslikethat]

Have name changed as I feel a bit embarassed about what I am going to post, however some of you may recognise me from my circumstances.

DS1 is 12 and diagnosed as ASD Aspergers Syndrome when he was 5, currently hormones have hit in, he is moody, rude and agressive, his short term memory has also become much worse and it's like living with someone with dementia. I am so fed up of the daily arguements and screaming matches I have with him, I have a DD (2.8) and DS2 8 months and I just feel like it's not good for them at all, DD can be quite aggressive but really is only copying what she has heard between myself, DS1 and DH. I just feel like the whole relationship has broken down and when he isn't around life is so much more plesant. There are days that I would seriously consider handing over the responsibility for his care to someone else. Please anyone who has been in this situation, tellme it does get better, I am really afraid about the future of our family unit.

[aquariusmum]

I really sympathise lifeslikethat. If everyone were honest, I wonder how many actually LIKE (as opposed to love) their teenage kids (ASD or not). I have a NF stepdaughter who can be an absolute xxxxx, but I think it is the hormones. I don't have any advice, just sympathy. Do any sanctions work (no computer time, no pocket money, no TV??). Or just saying your piece and then locking him in his room so his aggression doesn't disturb the other kids? I don't know, I have no answers really. I think I myself was a pretty awful teenager for my parents, looking back. They think they know it all, have absolutely no idea about the world, and are full of feelings of injustice!

[dgeorgea]

Hi lifeslikethat,

First of all your feelings are very common, so you are not alone. One of the most frustrating things for me, even now, is at times there is just no reasoning with them. Well beyond what you would find with normal functioning children.

One thing we discovered early on was we were taking a lot of flack for things that were happening at school. It was a huge shock to everyone when we discovered our daughter found it easier to write down her feelings. It was when we found out school was a living hell for her and the true amount of bullying and other issues she was facing.

Sanity was brought back to our home by accepting that she was putting a lot of effort into keeping control at school and deveoping our own strategies for her at home. Our approach was to accept she needed the room at the end of the day to let off steam. For us this means allowing her to come in and ignore us, stamp upstairs, the odd door slam and leaving her alone to listen to her music until she is ready to join us. Just as important is recognising when she doesn't want to talk to us and respecting that.

The way I explain it to others is we all have bad days and our own way of winding down once in the safety of our own homes. If she cannot be herself in her own home then where can she be? But there are some firm rules in place, one being if she wants to bang her door when she first comes in that is okay, if she keeps doing it then there are consequences.It has got better and we usually find out what we need to know in her good time.

I love Friday nights because I get time alone with her to watch tv and we laugh and joke about. If there is something else she wants to watch during the week with me it is an added bonus.