Help, sleep time is a nightmare

[Saacsmum]

My son is 20wks old. He takes between 15mins to an hour of grizzling, crying, screaming to go to sleep. I go in every 2 mins and comfort him without picking him up and he does eventually go to sleep. Could I be getting his cues wrong? I hate nap time as it breaks my heart to see him upset, but if I get him up he doesnt want to play or feed just wants to be held. He doesnt have a pacifier but sucks his thumb and sheet (kind of like Linus from Peanuts). Any suggestions?

[TracyK]

my ds hardly ever had naps anywhere except on me when he was this little. Even if he fell asleep on me and I tried to put him down on the couch or cot - after 2 mins he was howling. I just let him sleep on me - even if it meant me sitting watching tv for 2 hours - hee hee.
He wouldn't really go to sleep at night until he was really, really full of milk and then it was like a little full up sign came on and he'd crash out.
is your ds bf or formula? I used to bf and then top him up with 1 or 2 oz of formula.

[Saacsmum]

Hi, he is bf, feeds every two hours day and night (yawn!!!) mum is very tired.

[nicky111]

my daughter is six months and is the same - in fact she wakes up crying at various intervals in the evening too. I always go in and pick her up and comfort her ( not sure if this is the right thing to do but it makes us both feel better) I think that sometimes they need a bit of a cry to release emotions and relax enough into sleep. Totally understand how you feel tho.

[TracyK]

how is he after his 2 hours - is he starving hungry or just grazing. one thing my hv suggested was to not feed for 3 hours so he was really hungry and get a good feed as my ds was a bit of a snacker and never really got very full.
I know some people have different views - but i just fed ds in bed with me during the night - it meant I got better sleep, plus during the day sometimes I'd lie down to feed ds and we'd both fall asleep for a couple of hours.

[Saacsmum]

Hi, he feeds really well most times, occasionally during the day he will just snack and then go another 2 hours before asking for a full feed. I dont like the idea of co sleeping much in our position,
First I am a really light sleeper so would wake at the slightest murmur from ds
Second as he has reflux, I need to sit up and feed him so have to wake up fully anyway
Third dh is opposite to me and a very deep sleeper, am scared he would roll on ds. Thanks for replying though.

[TracyK]

have you read the babywhisperer? its good for identifying the sleep signals?
they have a web site too like this one with a forum.
www.thebabywhisperer.com i think

[Saacsmum]

Hi, thanks for that link. Generally he seems tired, grizzly, frowning, fists tight, jerky. Put him to bed, reassure him, turn on his music, tell him it is nap time and leave room, 2 mins later go in pat him, recover him and leave room etc etc, as I say it can take 15mins to an hour and after an hour I get him up. This morning got him up after the hour, the nappy was fine, cuddled and he was calm, put him down and he cried till I picked him up again. After he had been 2 hours since last sleep put him in bed again, asleep in 10 mins! ARG,.

[hermykne]

saacsmum
i haveto echo the others here, i too breastfeed, and stretched the feeds out by 20wks, ds not 6mths, so can you at all do this? what time is he up in the morn and how does his day go?

[Saacsmum]

Hi, have been trying to stretch feeds out with little success. His day is generally like this...
5.45 wakes and feeds, dressed and changed, up for 1-2 hours. Feed. Change. Bed and sleep for about 11/2 to 2 hours. Feed, change and up for 1-2 hours.
Feed, bed. Will sleep about 45 minutes this time then up. This continues in this pattern until about 6 when he has a bath and stories and calm play time and goes down about 7.30/8pm. Wakes at 10 for feed, 2,4ish,and then 5.45. We start again.

[TracyK]

What sleep is his problem - is it his day time naps, night time sleep or both??

[Saacsmum]

It varies, usually his first nap is fine after that day time naps are a battle and night time is sometimes great like tonight other times dreadful like last night, no change in routine or signals from him. I am wondering if he just hasnt figured out ways to communicate other needs like bored and is using tired cues instead?

[TracyK]

He is still very little - my ds was (is) a little horror when trying to get him to nap during the day. I used to try and get him to a routine and he just wasn't having it - maybe just try and go with his timings and not by any of the books. I was desperate for mine to do Gina Ford times - but no chance!
Babywhisperer is the only one that seems a bit more relaxed as in - watch for the sleepy cues and go with them 'whenever your baby shows them' - not when you think they should be showing them. iykwim. I used to take ds out of his cot if he wasn't going to sleep and try again later - unless I knew he was really tired and was just fighting it.
also - within reason - leave you baby to sleep and wake when they want. some days ds will have a total of 3 hrs naps and sometimes 1 hour.
The only routine to stick to rigidly is the nightime one. Same routine at around the same times and he'll get used to it very quickly. It's the only time my ds goes to sleep without a whimper.