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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

Disagree with DH over breaking bedtime for MILs bday?

45 replies

emmajlh · 30/01/2007 13:49

Hi,

Our DD is 12 weeks old and since new year i've got her onto a bedtime routine which has been starting earlier and earlier as she has got tired earlier and having less sleep in the day etc. So she now goes to bed at 6pm. It works brilliantly and am chuffed to have the evenings to spend with DH

However, it has just dawned on my DH that this means we can't got out in the evening - for example over to his parents house this week as it's his mums bday. He suggested we could take her and just take a travel cot but i disagreed and said we should just see them at the weekend or alternatively he could pop over there by himself one evening this week.

As far as i'm concerned 'breaking bedtime' should only be for v special occasions such as xmas or new yrs eve.
Am i being unreasonable? on what grounds will you 'break the bedtime' routine for?

Since having our DD we haven't had to make huge life changes as we weren't big 'going out' type people so she has slotted in quite nicely however whereas i recognise the small areas in our lives that do need to change my DH seems to be resisting it and preferring the 'she needs to fit in with us' approach.

any views or similar experiences?

OP posts:

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justaphase · 30/01/2007 13:52

I think a birthday is special enough.

Especially a MIL's birthday... familly politics and all...

lulumama · 30/01/2007 13:55

i think it is a little unreasonable.....especially as babies change constantly, and what is a routine now is going to change when she has the next growth spurt...the thing i loved about newborns is the ability to tale them anywhere and for them to sleep anywhere !

IMO, encouraging baby only to sleep at home in the cot will make it difficult to ever settle her anywhere else....

at this age, i really wouldn't worry too much about strict routines....

Soapbox · 30/01/2007 13:55

I think being flexible will keep you all sane in the long run

A birthday is a pretty good excuse to start off with. Next time take her there and leave her for the evening while you and DH go out for a meal - there is life beyond babydom

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 30/01/2007 13:56

hmmm, can see arguments for both sides tbh. I know how important bed time was to me, even nap times during the day, and ds always slept better in his cot. But I have been known to take a travel cot to my mum's when going round there at lunchtime so he could have his nap. I still did everything as I normally would, changed him upstairs etc and then put him in travel cot up there and closed curtains, he was fine. I never did it at night but I could have if I'd needed to.

As your baby is still quite young she will most likely sleep in the travel cot, and if you're worried you can take the baby monitor with you just to be sure you can hear her. You can still put her upstairs to sleep so she'll still be "in bed" as it were. Also, if you didn't want to break the routine you could go to mil's a bit earlier and do her bath/feed there so all is still the same for her?

hth

zubb · 30/01/2007 13:56

if you take a travel cot it is still bedtime.
If you make it so that she only sleeps at home you won't be able to go and stay with friends / go on holiday etc

oliveoil · 30/01/2007 13:57

Take her, definitely, your inlaws will be DESPERATE to see her and coo and cluck and will be very upset if you don't.

I break routines to go for a pub lunch .

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/01/2007 13:58

I think you are being to rigid. At 12 weeks, they dont realise they are in a routine. They could be sleeping anywhere. So taking along a travel cot seems fine to me. I dont think it hurts to do this once in a while.

motherinferior · 30/01/2007 13:59

Sorry, I am still slightly overwhelmed by your declaration that your baby has required no 'huge life changes'.

God, I'd have killed for somewhere to leave my 12 week old with while I went out for meal....

Twiglett · 30/01/2007 13:59

take her and a moses basket / travel cot .. she'll be fine

percypig · 30/01/2007 13:59

I'm a big fan of routine, but I do think it's good to be flexible too. You say you'd break the routine for v special occasions such as New year, probably your MIL's birthday is a special occasion to both her and your dh. In fact, she's probably really looking forward to seeing her grandchild on her birthday.

My DS is now 10 months and has been in a routine since week 2...but he's also been all over Europe, stayed in relatives' houses, hotels etc. When away from home (whether just out for the day or for a longer time) we try to stick to roughly the same routine, which has meant planning when we'll travel, him sleeping in travel cots, his pram etc. This has meant that he's pretty adaptable and has the benefits of a routine, but we all get to be out of the house sometimes!

Could you go round to your MILs at about 5/5.30 to get cot set up etc then follow routine there so that your daughter can still go to bed at 6? If she isn't used to the travel cot you could let her nap in it a couple of times prior to the birthday.

Hope that helps!

Piffle · 30/01/2007 14:00

take her, it'll be fine...

misdee · 30/01/2007 14:01

its hardly breaking bedtime is it? take a travel cot, she will be fine. mine slept anywhere, especially dd3 as they had to slot into our lives.

oliveoil · 30/01/2007 14:02

also, a voice of doom :

dd1 was in a strict routine (I shan't mention which one) and as a result would be enraged if put down anywhere but her cot. Car, buggy, friend's sofa, forget it. So we couldn't go out for lunch for 2 and a half years as that was her naptime.

dd2 slotted in here there and everywhere and will now sleep on a washing line if needed.

So I think a bit of flexibility is a good thing.

xx

LIZS · 30/01/2007 14:03

I'd just take the travel cot tbh. Both of ours would sleep in their carrycot until we were ready to go home. The odd variation won't wreak your routine, honestly, and even if you nromally put her down at 6 you can still do so over there and then transfer her into her car seat to come home.

WigWamBam · 30/01/2007 14:05

Once dd was older and more settled, bedtime became sacrosanct ... but when she was tiny and more flexible, we used to take her everywhere. At 12 weeks it doesn't matter if she's not in bed by a particular time, she can and will sleep anywhere if she's tired. Being too rigid will eventually drive you mad when you realise you haven't been anywhere other than to Tescos for two years.

I have to say that it sounds to be as if you are using your daughter as a good excuse not to see your MIL ...

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 30/01/2007 14:05

I disagree that at twelve weeks they don't realize they're in a routine. we started bedtime routine with ds eg bath, then bottle in quiet place, then bed when he was 4 weeks old and the change was instant. But I do agree that they will sleep anywhere at that age.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/01/2007 14:08

Apparently, wannabe, its developmentally impossible to do so. So a medical professional told me. Hey ho. They're all funny buggers, just the same.

chai18 · 30/01/2007 14:08

Put her to bed there and stay the night.

MIL can do the 2am feed and if you're BF make sure to have expressed enough for two feeds.

Bozza · 30/01/2007 14:11

What about staying over at your MILs? Or you and DD going earlier in the day?

tortoiseSHELL · 30/01/2007 14:11

Agree that flexibility is the key! My children's bedtimes range from 6.30 to 10.00, which can be a bit of a pain at home but makes taking them out really easy!

If you're too strict and then for some reason the routine is broken there can be hell to pay!

marymillington · 30/01/2007 14:14

isn't the joy of a properly established routine is that you can break it? not that i'd know, we are a bit (ok a lot) more freeform....

take her, make everyone happy, she won't care where she sleeps....and if she does, its only for one night

amidaiwish · 30/01/2007 14:16

life shouldn't revolve around your baby's routine.... recipe for disaster imo.

she'll catch a cold, the clocks will change etc etc - all this will knock her out of routine. you will spend your whole time "following the routine"...

babies are flexible, go to your MILs! it will be good for her to get used to the travel cot anyway, or aren't you leaving the house at sleep time for the next 3 years?

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chopchopbusybusy · 30/01/2007 14:20

I would make the best of it now TBH. Young babies are very portable - toddlers less so and adolescents never want to go anywhere with their parents.

emmajlh · 30/01/2007 14:30

I guess thats a resounding 'you are being unreasonable' then ! DH is right again.

will suggest to DH that we go over on MILs bday (they are only 20 mins away so no need to stay over)

DH doesn't get home from work till half 6 so i guess i'll put DD to bed at 6 as usual and then put her into her car seat rather than her moses basket. As i'm still 'embedding' the bedtime routine i felt it would ruin it to 'break it' and it might be like starting from scratch the next day but i guess i'm being too unflexible.

thanks for your help and advice

OP posts:

ediemay · 30/01/2007 14:34

If it's any help, I never stuck to routines when DS was a baby - my work meant a lot of longhaul travelling when he was very young - but from 6 months he has slept through, wherever we are! I'm sure it would mean a lot to your MIL

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