my 2yr old wont sleep.....help needed!

[violet31]

Firstly, hello! have been a lurker for a while, taking various bits of advice from others threads but now i need some of my own!

My son is 2.8yrs old and if i am honest has never been the best sleeper in all this time. The problem has now come to a head and he is waking from about 4am and not settling back to sleep, eventually either me or DP getting up with him any time from 5.30am onwards.

He has a very solid bedtime routine and is no bother to get to sleep, he has bath etc then story in bed with milk and then its night night time and off to sleep he goes. then at about 3-4 am he wakes and crys and yells for me. We can go in his room up to 20 times trying to settle him, which he does do but only for 15mins or so then it all starts again.

We have tried allsorts without joy. the latest one is setting the alarm for 7.30am and making a real fuss over getting up as its NOW morning and we should get up!!

This is causing so much conflict between me and DP that this morning i feel like were on the brink of seperation. We tend to have a clear plan of what will happen when he wakes but its been going on for so long things have got confusing in that we have tried that now were doing it this way!!

I am starting to resent my son for what he is doing to us.

Any advice would be so appreciated x

[violet31]

Anyone????

[costamum]

Violet31 - you could be describing my DS who is 2.4yrs! He too goes to bed very well but with us it starts at around 1am! After spending half the night trying to settle him, we end up putting him in our bed - usually around 5.30am. We just don't know what to do and yes it does put a strain on day to day life. I am sorry I don't have any useful advice and I too look forward to hearing from anyone who does!

[violet31]

Thanks for the reply costamum, its a bit better knowing that its not just us in this situation!

I have put him in our bed before now out of sheer desperation and he does sleep but we dont so that didnt solve anything!

He's in bed now and im running round trying to get ready for work absolutly knackered, he has such a charmed life!!

[violet31]

Just bumping up for the evening MNetters!

[compo]

does he have a daytime nap?

[noonar]

i would be ruthless and put a stair gate on his door. ignore his yelling, but go to him every 5 mins or so to reassure him , as you would with controlled crying technique. i know this sounds harsh, but i've been there. you have to be firm and consistent.

ps i co slept with my dds at first- for 18mo with dd1, but there comes a time when you have to get tough, imo, if your welfare is at stake.

[violet31]

Hi and thanks for your replies. Sorry i have not got back sooner but sleep was more important!!

I have already got a stairgate accross the door, we put this on just after the waking first started, he just gets out of bed and cries at the gate! we have also done the controlled crying bit and the pretending he's not there!!

As for the daytime naps, he does have one on most days or else he becomes impossible to deal with come tea time. Having said that there are days when he doesnt have a nap either because he's been at nursery or we have had a busy day and i dont find that this makes a diffrence to the night waking.

We are away for a long weekend next week with all the family and i am dreading it, im hoping to have some form of plan to get myself through it!!

[beansprout]

I'm going to keep an eye on this thread as we are currently up at 4am with a 2.3yo who goes down in the evening, no problem. He does have a nap but would be willing to drop this and just get through the end of the day stuff, if I thought it would make all the difference.

[violet31]

hello beansprout, so your as knackered as me then!!

I nipped out of work earlier to the blooming marvellous shop and bought one of the bunny alarm clocks to see if that will train ds to wake up at a more respectable time. will let you know how it works!

[beansprout]

Ahhh, is that where you get them? I'm very interested in how that goes - good luck!

[violet31]

will let you know how it goes tonight beansprout.

Unfortunatly i have been working afternoons since thursday so havent been at home for bed time but have left instructions with dp and ds has been introduced to the bunny clock so hopefully it will be a more restfull night!

[becaroo]

Wish I had some advice to offer but I'm afraid you could be describing my 3.5 year old ds. He goes to bed OK but is always awake by midnight/1am and in our bed and up for 6am. We have tried everything. Nothing worked so we have reaached an impasse. He does still have an afternoon nap because he gets tired out at nursery in the morning and then falls asleep in his dinner at 5pm! Will watch this thread with interest, but be reassured Violet, you are not alone

[BuffysMum]

violet I think you have to knock the daytim nap on the head or literally let him have 15 minutes - I think you may be in a vicious circle that because of his day nap he is getting sufficient sleep in 24 hours?

Sleep experts say if you want to change their bed time to get them to sleep later you need to move it back by 5 mins only for a whole week and then another 5 mins for the following week etc. My dd3 had to five up her day naps at 2.3 as she doesn't need as much sleep as her older dd so if she had a day nap was ready and wide awake by 6 at the very latest.....

HTH

[violet31]

Thanks for your supportive messages, it does help knowning that others are in the same situation, i have felt a bit of a crappy mummy for a good while now due to this, unfortunatly the patience levels drop when ive not had my sleep quota leaving me a bit of a dragon!

We are away for the weekend next week so plan to not let ds have a sleep in the days for the whole of the time and see if it makes a diffrence to the night times. i will also try the 5mins extra before putting him to bed and see if this has an effect.

[bandbsmum]

Watching this thread with interest as having very similar problems with dd (2.3). She was a pretty good sleeper until she discovered she could climb out of her cot soon after her 2nd birthday, so transferred her to a bed,and after a couple of nights of cc, got her going off to sleep by herself at bedtime no problem, it's just getting her to stay there in the night that's the problem, she ususally wakes between 12 and 3am. 1st time she wakes we can usually get her to go back to bed with only a little struggle, but then she usually wakes again about an hour later, and we're usually so tired we just bring her in with us. But then she's awake again any time between 5 and 6am demanding her milk (and I mean demanding at the top of her voice), so we usually go and get it to avoid the risk of her waking ds (6). The last couple of nights she's even woken about 9pm, having night terrors I think as she's drenched in sweat at that time, and she's just sitting up in bed crying rather than standing at the stairgate at her bedroom door calling me as she does at 1am!!

[violet31]

Hi bandbsmum, thats exactly how my ds started this nightmare, but hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

We have had two good nights since the introduction of the bunny clock and a pair of socks!!

the bunny clock seems to have been a success, we have set it for 7.30am and then make a fuss when it goes off that ds is a big boy and how clever he is for getting up at a reasonable time!

We also put him to bed in socks (which we have done before) on sunday night and he slept loads better only waking up once.

Not sure if ds has just had a change of heart and decided to give us a break or whether the socks or clock are responsible but i dont care,i have had two ok'ish nights and i feel a lot better for the sleep.

Im keeping my fingers crossed that tonight goes smoothly, not sure were out of the woods yet!!