Nursery made me feel bad

[mummynumnum]

DD (7mths) has been at nursery for 3 weeks and has been napping q well there. the last two days she has not slept at all and they said obviously this was not ideal. DD has never been a good daytime napper and have often used the pushchair to get her to sleep. I have never forced her to sleep in cot in the day,as was just happy that she sleeps so well at night. The nursery made me feel bad though,like I should have got her into a better daytime sleeping habit. Should I have been tougher? Is there anything I can do to get a better day time sleeping habit or is it too late?

[Janbo25]

Don't you feel bad they are paid by yourself to manage the care for your daughter, just because it may inconvienient them slightly that she does not sleep is nothing for you to feel bad over, I think once she is more settled she will sleep anyway and fall into the routine of the other children, this is what happened with my son because he to was a fussy sleeper but he now as regular daytime naps at nursery.

[nearlythree]

My ds is 8 mo and naps when he wants to. mostly in his buggy. My dd1 napped in her cot like cklockwork from 6 mo, the same time each day or there was meltdown. Dd2 was and is a law unto herself and you never knew what she'd do until she was about 14 mo when she started regular after-lunch sleeps. What I am saying is, each baby is different. I expect the nursery like babies who nap at certain times and places b/c it's easier for them.

[Plibble]

My DD (7mo) naps very well at home, but barely manages 30 minutes a day at nursery (I think they pick her up too quickly, maybe).
My sister's DD never napped in the day but decided to conform when she went to nursery and napped regularly whenever she was there.

I have no advice, but just wanted illustrate how they way children sleep at nursery can bear so little resemblance to how they are at home. I suspect Janbo is right and your DD will settle down soon. With my DD I think that she won't be able to manage on so little sleep for long and will stop fighting it. Just relax and don't worry - your DD will sort herself out.

[nappyaddict]

how long do they expect her to sleep for?

[mummynumnum]

Thanks everyone that has made me feel better. I am a teacher but actually felt like a naughty pupil getting told off today. My husband was quite angry about it all and went with your idea janbo25 that they are paid to mange her care!

[mummynumnum]

she managed 10 mins today. i think they would like alot longer. She will sleep in their arms but wakes on being put down. She was sleeping well there, but she was feeling a bit rough over the wkd and this made her more cuddly than normal.

[choochootrain]

They really don't have a right to make you feel bad about it. And seven months is pretty young to be in a routine.
Looking at it from their point of view though, I'd say that babies sleeping or not during the day is probably a very big deal because when you're managing a whole room of them it's going to be really hard if they're tired and fractious. Have you tried suggesting they try her in the pram? This is what my nursery does with my son. He and about four of the other babies that don't 'do' cots, all get put in prams that they gently push back and forwards - that and a bottle of milk works a treat every day.

[mummynumnum]

I did suggest the pram. They did not seem keen, although at my induction meeting they said this would not be a problem. I may bring it up again tomorrow.

[sophiewd]

Our dd has just started nursery and although she does aleep at home they did say that it might not happen there which I expected as well. They have the attitude that if a baby will sleep then great and if not then equally as great, it also means that she gets about 3 careres to herself which being the little actress that she is adores.

[funnypeculiar]

Humm, don't think they should have made you feel bad - not much you can do about it! DS was a rubbishy daytime sleeper - my nursery regularly put him in a pram when he was having a grumpy day. Can understand it makes their days harder, but on the other hand, as others have said, um, that's what they're paid for....
3 weeks is very early days for her - hope she settles soon [smile}

[mummynumnum]

Thanks for all the advice. Feel much better

[DetentionGrrrl]

it's probably just easier for them if she sleeps. As long as she and you are happy, stuff em.

[nappyaddict]

a lot of nurseries including the one my cousins used to go to hold them down til they go to sleep

[pamirka]

my DD's with Plibble's - she has a 2 hour nap in the day when at home but barely manages more than 2 x 30 mins at nursery. Somehow she seems to cope and the nursery staff just have to get on with it. Sounds like your lot need to be a bit more flexible. Though don't ask them to hold the baby down as nappyaddict said!!

[belgo]

mummynumnum - I have a very similar problem - my dd never sleeps in the crêche. That's no problem for me, as it means that she sleeps better that night. But several times they have interrogated me about her sleeping habits, and it's very embarrassing. I find it hard to know what to suggest.

[FatFikAndFugly]

If she doesn't want to sleep, she shouldn't have to. I'd pull them up over that. My dd didn't always nap in the day as a baby but always slept 12-14hrs at night, she was ratty on the days she didn't sleep so no problem with me.. no problem with nursery either. They just took her into one of the other rooms

[Bozza]

If the ratio is one carer to 3 babies what happens to the other two while the baby is being held for the nap. I can see that is not possible on a regular basis. However it is up to the nursery to manage the situation. I think it is very likely that your DD will get used to the nursery and improve her naps over time. How was she in the evening? Presumably very tired? Both of mine had shorter sleeps on the days they went to nursery but not so short as that. Then when they turned one and moved into the next room all the children had a nap at the same time on big floor cushions after lunch. A sight to behold - a roomful of sleeping toddlers, all curled up and snuggly.

[nappyaddict]

i personally can't believe nurseries hold babies down and force them to sleep. i think its disgusting. it is for this reason i am going to use a cm when ds needs childcare.

[FairyMum]

Babies come to nurseries with all sorts of routines or no routines at all. My first 2 children were used to sleeping with me and I also used a pushchair or the car to make them sleep. This is completely normal and our nursery teachers were fine about and the children quickly established their own routine in nursery. My advice would be to look closely at your nursery if they have already made you feel this way.

Nappyaddict, this could just as well have happened at a CM. Sounds illegal and I would have reported it to Ofstead if true.

[nappyaddict]

yes but with childminder they only have 1 baby, so if the baby doesn't sleep its not that much of a problem. in a nursery lots of babie and they want them to all fit in with one another. don't know if it is illegal ... have spoke to a few people who work at different nurseries and say it is very common.

[Bozza]

Yes but possibly 2 13 month olds and 3 5yos after school/in the holidays.

[FairyMum]

A CM normally has other children too including toddlers so probably have even less time to focus on one baby. In a good nursery they will have enough staff for one teacher to spend some extra time with a new baby or if a baby is sick. This is something to look out for when looking for a good nursery IMO.

[decafskinnylatte]

Same here. Mine took a while to settle into naps at nursery as they were used to being cuddled, pushed, driven etc - we are always out and about in buggy/car on home days/weekends so have never imposed naps at home.

I'm sure it won't take too much longer for your DD to settle in (and for the need to sleep to take over!). I am amazed that for months now my DD (now 21 months) has been happily napping on a mat (!!) next to all of her friends at nursery from 12:30 til 1:30ish every day that she's there!

[mummynumnum]

DD slept today which was good, but dh and I had a chat and both agree to see how it goes and to be firm with them that they go with her flow and certainly do not hold her down!!!!! Even if she doesnt sleep all day she still is full of beans half an hour before bedtime. She has always been a brief power napper, but always slept at night!!