Help !!! Just moved my 2.5 year old DS into a bed and having a nightmare!

[moneytree]

My DS used to sleep from 12 till 3ish every day and then go to bed at 8pm and sleep until 7. Fantastic as I am pregnant..bliss! We have now had to move him into a bed and he refuses to settle for a nap therefore is a monster for the rest of the day and difficult to settle at night. He also now regularly wakes in the middle of the night and v. difficult to settle. Any advice would be most welcome...I am exhausted & v. hormonal. I want my charming little fella back!

[bandbsmum]

Can't offer much help, but bumping for you as having similar problems with 2.2yr old dd. Although we now have her settling herself ok again, but waking more and more in the night and being so difficult to get off again, she ends up in with us most nights. We sat with her till she fell asleep for a few weeks, then put a stair gate on her door, now we put her lullaby on and walk out. Usually have to go back in once or twice to settle her back down, but she usually falls asleep on her own. I tell her I've got clothes to put away (constantly putting clothes away!! )

[moneytree]

Thanks, its challenging isnt it I just wish he would settle for his nap so he is bearable during the rest of the afternoon. He even tried to climb over the gate and it came loose! He is now kicking and biting me in the afternoon which is awful and really out of character. As I am so hormonal I am finding it really hard to keep my cool! I put him down now at 7pm and he crys by the door (I confess I now keep it shut by holding the door knob)for 5 mins then I go in and give him a cudddle...he passes out with exhaustion and I am not far off myself!

[compo]

Could you go out with the pushchair or in the car for his afternoon nap so that he still gets to sleep? For bedtime just keep putting him back. the frst couple of times say 'it's bedtime' then for the other times don't say anything at all. My ds did the same as yours but after a couple of weeks he got the idea that getting outof bed didn't mean he would be allowed downstairs and his toys etc so he stopped bothering

[marymillington]

We have a similar problem with the naps - have resorted to pushing him round in his buggy on a few occasions, or - and this is more pleasant, putting him in his sleeping bag, getting in the spare bed with him and looking at books until he finally submits.

Have also found that he definitely doesn't need a nap every day any more. Once or twice a week seems to be enough to keep him chipper all week.

Very sorry to see the back of those 3 hour rests though.

[clairemow]

hello, when we moved DS1 into a bed, he was just under 2, and we had exactly the same... I was pregnant too, so know what you're going through. I think it's a huge change for them, moving from cot to bed, and it's also really exciting, so it takes time for them to settle down, esp if you have to do it earlier than you'd really like (i.e. if you need the cot, like you do and we did!)

How long ago did the move happen? For a couple of weeks afterwards, I had a nightmare re. naps, and DS would scream, get up and down, throw nappies around the room, etc. I knew he still needed the nap, and it sounds like your DS still needs his too, so I got tough after spending a horrid few days putting him back in to bed whenever he got out (that quickly became a game that could have gone on all day and night...!).

Luckily our door handles are v. high so he can't open the door (but I have held the door shut with a broom handle at his grandad's house ...) At nap time, I'd take him up, put him in bed, say nap time, kiss him and leave. The first day, he went up around 12.30, and he stamped about until 2, before going to sleep finally. I went in once to check he hadn't done a poo while he was moving around (he had a tendancy to do that), but that was it. I woke him up again at 3, i.e. normal time. The next day, it was a shorter period, and by 2 weeks, he was back to getting into bed fine and sleeping for anything up to 2 hours.

Around the same time, he did start being scared of the dark as well, so we got a little nightlight - one of those tiny ones you plug into a socket. That helped at night.

I reckon it was about 6 weeks before he settled properly into his bed, and I'm sure it would have been longer without the "tough" approach at nap time. Now (9 months on) he's good as gold again, and has been for ages (although the lunchtime nap has sadly gone... ).

Sorry this is so long, but I remember being in floods of tears, listening to DS stamping in anger and shouting... I really feel for you, and hope that you can sort it out.

[moneytree]

Thank you all so much for your words of advice, so appreciated. It has been a week since the big move. I have tried pushing him in the pram for 3 hours for 2 days but no chance of him falling asleep (and I was shattered). I think I will try the tough approach at nap time and keep on with it. He has already trashed his room at nap time so now I have removed all toys, nappies etc. He (and I!) definately still needs his nap time.

[Drusilla]

My DS is 21 months and we put him in a bed two weeks ago as he was regularly climbing out of his cot. Previously he had always been a fantastic sleeper. Had a complete nightmare for the first week too! Like yours, he still needs an afternoon nap but was refusing to sleep. One night he didn't go to sleep until 3am! He pulled the stairgate away from the wall, trashed his room etc etc... In the end I read Toddler Taming and tied his door handle to the stairgate outside his door. He can open the door far enough to call us if he needs us, but not far enough to sit there and watch the world go by in his sleeping bag and it worked the first day. I'm expecting to be frowned upon for this but don;t care as I have my sanity back

[moneytree]

It seems the tough approach works in the end. I have to give it a go as I feel I cant go on like this and its only been a week.

[Drusilla]

Yes, I felt like a complete monster, as he stood there in his sleeping bag with tears in his eyes clutching his bear! You may have to harden your heart

[clairemow]

Drusilla, I'm with you, that's the same book I read, and I was just glad the door handles are so high, so no need for ropes! But I have tied his door shut at grandad's and other houses...

It's worth hardening your ears and heart for a week or so to see the benefits later as they return to napping and sleeping well, and being happy in the day instead of knackered and moody...

[boomie]

Hi

I had exactly the same problem with DD1 when I was pregnant. She used to have nearly 3 hours sleep in the day and sleep from 7 - 7. When we moved her into a bed when she was 2.9 the daytime naps ceased as there was no way she would go to bed in the day. I too was pregnant (and exhausted) so I used to play a little game with her. We'd snuggle up on the settee together with a blanket on watching Cbeebies and I'd yawn and say Mummys really tired now do you mind if I have a little sleep with you. For some reason she loved it and 9 times out of ten would fall asleep on the settee. I would then sneak off and do what I had to do. Although it's not as ideal as sleeping in their cot (or bed) its was better than nothing and at least she wasn't grumpy for the rest of the day.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and therefore with DD2 who is now 2.5, she will be staying in a cot for as long as possible (well, until the summer!!).

Good Luck!

[bertie1]

My little one is 3yrs and 2 months and still does not sleep through the night and will not stay in his own bed. I am prepared to be tough, but my husband gives in making a rod for my back. Can not lock the door and the handles can easily be reached. Any suggestions will be gratefully received.

[bandbsmum]

Boomie - I used to do the same with ds at that age. He was a nightmare to get to nap. Initially I used to drive round in the car until he dropped off, then carry him in and put him down on settee, then it got to stage where I'd be driving for miles before he went to sleep, and then he'd wake up as I tried to lift him out of car seat. So I used to lay on settee with him and put a nursery rymthes (sp?) cd on. Once he'd dropped off, I used to creep off to do my chores! So glad that dd does nap in her bed again now. Getting ds to nap used to be like a military exercise!

[judemum]

have read this with interest as just about to move DS1 into his big bed (he's just turned 2) as we need cot soon for DS2. Any suggestions as to anything I can do PRIOR to the move to make it go more smoothly??!! prepared to get tough if necessary but maybe I can avoid getting into trouble if I take some steps now??? Or is there nothing I can do to avoid this??

[crazylazydaisy]

I was going to say similar re the settling down together to both "have a nap", though i did this in our bed as more room when i was preg. DS would go to sleep after 10 mins of trying to get my attention and stroking my face, but if i ignored it and he really thought i was asleep he would always go to sleep too. When our 3rd child was born our wonderful midwife said to let them sleep with you/in your bed/in their bed/whatever it took to get what rest you needed. Dont feel guilty if its not what others do- just make sure everyone gets what sleep they need. It was fab advice, as i am very strict with bedtimes and it was all about finding a good balance.

[Twinkie1]

This is so interesting as DS webnt into his bed a few weeks ago and after a great start has started waking at 3 - 4am every morning - I only work 2 days a week but as he doesn't sleep everyday am finding it a nightmare - have even turned the heating up to come on an hour earlier as I thought he may be cold - so the rest of us are sweating under our winter duvets whilst the little sod lays there on top of his!!

Last night I was going to start the super nanny approach and be really tough with him - and the little bugger slept through - only till 6 but having a night without an interuption is great - although apparently according to my colleagues I still look crap!!

I do just think that you have to be super tough - for the few nights of your heart being ripped out and rung out whilst they scream blue murder you have to think of the next week when you will sleep like a normal person and not be woken up at all.

So heres to tonight and all of you others who are going to get tough - good luck!!

[fortyplus]

We used to have a story tape playing - that works for a lot of children. Use the same tape over and over again and it's so familiar it's not exciting - they just drift off.
If I ever start suffering from insomnia I'm going to buy Richard Briers reading Percy the Park Keeper!
Having said this - I've given this advice to several people over the years and some kids will lie wide awake and get up at the end of the story!
But it's got to be worth a try

[chalkie]

Oh i miss the charming stage it would be nice if they staied that way.
Get another cot bed and put him back on his old routine.
I must admit If I had my time again I would have done that untill mine was at least three. (And you can use it for the next ones bed)
Music boxes ,one they pull them selves are good
Or have you tried sticker black mail my three year old insists that i now sit with her until she is sleep I work on my lap top or do floor exercises when i was pregnant i kipped by her. The deal is if she waits for me to wake her in the morning she gets a row of stickers at breakfast. The lunch time nap moved to my bed and a dvd goes on and she drops off while i put my feet up or kip. We tried night lights decorating and none of it worked i tried walking in the park and now if she does need more sleep she drops off in the push chair and i dont fight her. for three months we put a mattress on the floor by my bed and she was told not to wake us but just to suggle down and that worked really well.I was worried that it will be habit forming but I just needed the sleep.

[moneytree]

Wow, great feedback. I tried the travel cot but he managed to climb in and out of it! As he wont settle with me next to him I have done the hard approach with the gate/rope and it has worked for the last 3 days. I have my charming little fella back. Fantastic!