Help - keep falling asleep in bed feeding newborn

[Tinasan]

Hi,
My dd is 2 weeks old tomorrow and I am having lots of trouble getting her to sleep in her cradle at night. I'm so tired I have fallen asleep holding her in bed whilst breastfeeding her several times, and only woken up a few hours later when she is starting to fuss for another feed. I am really worried about this as I don't know how dangerous it is. Could anyone give me some advice on having her sleep in the bed with me (my dh is sleeping in the spare room at the moment) and if it is ok to fall asleep holding her like this?
Thanks

[ShowOfHands]

I think current advice is that you should not fall asleep with the baby in your arms, especially if you are exhausted.

I'm sure somebody will come along with ideas about how to settle your dd in a different way perhaps.

[lulumama]

co sleeping is a good idea if breast feeding....but i don;t think the idea is the baby falls asleep being held by you... i might be wrong! there are a lot of mums on here who can offer you advice on co -sleeping if that is what you want..or how to settle her to sleep in her cradle!!

i know there are cots you can buy that are designed to be pushed up against your bed so that you can sleep near but not in the same bed as your baby....

sorry not to be more help!

[HuwEdwards]

I know it can be hazardous, but I did this all the time, bfeeding acted like a sedative.

[CorrieDale]

God, I did this as well. Several times until I was ticked off by the HV. Co-sleeping is safe if done properly, but I'm not sure that accidental co-sleeping is that safe. Anyway, by a real effort of will, I managed to stop, but have decided that this time we get a bedside cot, like Lulumama suggests.

[Tommy]

if I hadn't done this, I wouldn't have had any sleep for the first 4 months or so!

If you're really worried about it and don't want to do it, you could get a chair to sit in in your bedroom and get out of bed to feed her?

[MamaG]

yes get out of bed = I HAD to with mine else I'd have been asleep too

[foxtrot]

And I did wake up in a complete panic several times too, but it still didn't stop me. I tried to feed lying on my side with baby on the mattress next to me, arranging it so he/she was on top of duvet covered in own blankets. Moses basket was pushed up right next to bed so he/she couldn't fall out (that shows you how lazy i was )

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

hmmmm. it is a difficult one.
to me, it feels like the most natural thing in the world and in my experience, I always seem to know he is there, almost as if i am not properly asleep. i wake up in exactly the same position as when i fell asleep, stiff neck, cramp in shoulder and all!!
i dont really know what to suggest and totally agree with others who have said if i didnt sleep like this i wouldnt sleep at all!

[MrsDoolittle]

I did this all the time, if I didn't I would have had no sleep for 4 months.
I have been led to understand that breast feeding Mothers will not lie on their babies. I'll see if I can find somethimg on it

[lulumama]

have a look at this!

this is a great website..been recommended by other mnetters.....hope it helps !

[MrsDoolittle]

Does this help?

[foxtrot]

i heard that too Mrs D. You adopt a position on your side with knees bent, which makes a barrier to stop the baby sliding down the bed. I still do it now when one of them is in bed with us, but get my knees kicked out of the way as they are far too tall for it now

[Heathcliffscathy]

this is what is meant to happen isn't it???

co-sleeping helps regulate their breathing too doesn't it?

i think it is absolutely fine to sleep with her.

the only caveat is not to have been drinking or taking drugs (!) a that is what might make you unconscious enough when sleeping not to notice that you were on top of her....

[tigertum]

Hi Tinasan

I've read up ALLOT on co-sleeping since I started doing it regularly with my DS. From the many studies and insights by parents, doctors - even historians (people have co-slept for as long as they have been about) and doing it with my DS I am 100% convinced that it is 100% safe and has so many benefits. People have always co-slept and its only until very recently and in the west that we have stopped doing it. In countries like China, co-sleeping is taken for granted and they don't even have a word for cot death as it is so rare. Recently I read about a detailed study from a group of scientists and phsyicologists that were so impressed by the health benefits of co-sleeping and that it seems to preserve breastfeeding, that they beleive health visitors should be actively enchouraging it!

Nature didn't intended for us mums to have to get in and out of bed or night or for our babies to be away from us. Just think of women who have to survive with babies in much harsher circumstances than us. We get exhausted and our babies cry because they want to be close to us. The trick is to learn to breastfeed lying down. With some practice you can actually do this without rolling on to another side when you change breasts. In this position - lying on your side, you will be naturally curved around your baby and will protect her from sliding down the bed or getting in a funny position. Studies have shown that women and their babies 'tune' into each other while the co-sleep and are very aware of each others movements. Woman are designed by nature to feed and sleep like this and it works!!! Well it did for me anyway.

I didn't start co-sleeping with my DS until he was much older after months and months of sleep deprevation. I regret this so much because now I've read up on it - as opposed to just accepting the myth that babies should always sleep in cots/baskets - if I had done it when he was small in would have saved us both so much stress and axhaustion. I was a danger to him feeding him sat upright in a chair, totally exhausted and ready to slumpt on top of him.

I know its a big lifestyle choice but if your only isse is safety, the studies that link co-sleeping to cot death don't differentiate between habitual co-sleepers who do it SAFELY and desperate, exhausted parents who taken a baby in to be with them and don't follow the guidlines. This is when douvets, pillows, saggy mattresses and dad's arms flaling around in their sleep are a hazard.

You could always mix cot & co-sleeping. That's what we do

The no-cry sleep solution is an excellent sleep-related book and can give you some ideas to put good sleeping practices in place now. It also has good advice on co-sleeping. Three in a Bed is also a fantastic book on the benefits of co-sleeping.

Sorry for long post but so much to say about how great co-sleeping is!!!

[foxtrot]

Mrs D's leaflet illustrates what i meant!

[harpsichordsgoingBANGandWHOOSH]

imo, it is absolutely fine to do this as long as you (or your partner if he ever comes back intot he bed) haven't been taking drugs or drinking and you follow some other basic safety stuff like no pillows or duvets around her. co-sleeping is the weay to go and the KEY to surviving the first few weeks imo. I don't think it could be described as dangerous by any stretch of the imagination.
yes, there is research to show that women who are bf and fall asleep while doing it naturally take up a protective position where they don't put the baby in any danger.
I did it with my two dds and my mother did it with her five children
congratulations on the birth of your dd and good luck with the bf and co-sleeping

[Gizmo]

Hello Tinasan,

Don't worry, you should be fine. I think the official advice is that it's best to have them in their own cradle in your room to start with, but if you want to bedshare, it can be done safely, as long as you follow a few guidelines for bed sharing. I'll see if I can find you a weblink for the guidelines, but the key ones are:

• make sure the baby can't roll out of the bed, or be squashed between two adults
  
• bed should have a firm flat mattress
  
• baby should not lie under an adult duvet or pillow (I use a sleeping bag on my DS and he lies beside me outside the duvet
  
• do not co-sleep if you have been drinking, have taken any drugs that might make you drowsy, or are so utterly exhausted that you might fall into exceptionally deep sleep
  
  I co-sleep with DS2, off and on, although theoretically he should be in his crib most of the night. It works fine, and actually we both sleep much better. Good luck!

[lori21]

I have also found the book 'the no-cry sleep solution' great on the issues to do with co-sleeping. How to make it safe and how to continue to do it and help the baby get themselves off to sleep and stay asleep. I wish I had bought the book before by lo was born as I could have tried the things suggested and would possibly not be having sleep problems now!

[megusta]

100%agree with tigertum. i co sleep with my 8 month old and it is BLISS. i started out like you falling asleep accidentally, then read dr sears' books and realised that it is a really wonderful thing you can do for your baby and not dangerous at all if you follow the rules. enjoy your baby.

[Tinasan]

I think I started another thread by mistake instead of posting here - sorry but terribly sleep deprived ! Thanks for all the help - I'm going to go and order that book now...