if i don't pick her up she just keeps crying.....

[booboobunny]

am i the only person this happens to??? most likely learned behaviour, but if i try this patting head/stroking head etc. when my little angel wakes up during the evening/night she just carries right on crying, getting progressively more upset. generally i'll have to feed her to calm her down. have i taught her this? and how do i unteach it? and does it matter if i can't? really worried about ending up on supernanny.....

[QuootieSpookypie]

How old is DS?

[hunkermunster]

How old is she?

DS2 is 9mo and I still feed him if he cries in the night.

[booboobunny]

hi, she's 19 weeks, but the various books i've picked up don't give the impression that age is a factor. if i put her down at 7pm i can reasonably expect to go back up to her about 3 times during the evening and i mainly will let her feed to get back to sleep. she is a tinker though because day or night she uses feeding as a way of getting to sleep and will rarely feed longer than 10 minutes. i have tried to keep her awake to feed longer but to no avail. she wakes up sooooo many times during the night it's just not funny. i am like the living dead this morning, which is pretty timely given the time of year....

[hunkermunker]

BBB, she's tiny still. You aren't getting her into bad habits and things change very fast at this age.

She's crying because she wants you - she's not being manipulative, she's not "trying it on", she's not old enough to be capable of that sort of thought. At this age, a baby's wants are their needs. If you answer them now, she'll be more content in the long run.

I do know how hard it is - but if she goes back to sleep if you feed her, just feed her - especially at this age - she still needs feeding at night IMO and IME.

[expatinscotland]

I agree w/HM 100%!

At this age, she knows you're her mummy, and nothing comforts her as much as being around her mummy or daddy.

You WON'T end up on Supernanny!

[nailpolish]

i agree with hunker

also wanted to say, they arent tiny for long, cuddle your baby as much as you can while she still is

[expatinscotland]

aw, naily, i remember how i'd fall asleep next to each warm little daughter of mine.

cherish this time, booboo!

[nailpolish]

yes

ill never forget dd2 when she was about this age, she had fallen asleep in my arms, it was about 10pm, dh went upstairs to bed, i fell asleep on the couch, woke again at 2am, it was the stillest night ever, i had dd2 curled up beside me like a little velvety bundle of squashiness, her teeny shoulders and wee froggy legs, i breathed in deeply that baby smell on the top of her head, i darent move cos i didnt want the moment to end

[moaningpaper]

She is just TINY

At this age - well at any age really - some nights will be HORRENDOUS but you never know what is bothering them

I was up ALL NIGHT with my 13 month-old who ONLY wanted to lie on my chest - GAH! But she was sick in the early hours so she must have been feeling crap and wanting cuddles.

KNACKERED TODAY!

[fluffyanimal]

Booboobunny, I don't know what books you've been reading but try Elizabeth Pantley's The No Cry Sleep Solution. It's got advice for gentle ways to help your baby go to sleep without need for feeding etc, and there is a great support thread for its users here. Everyone else is right, this is fairly normal for the age, but if you want to start forming good sleep habits now, Pantley's book might help you.

[fizzbuzz]

Hi Boo, Have you tried a dummy? She sounds like a sucky baby. Gave one to dd and she makes little crooning noises when she's dropping off. Very cute..

[Difers]

Agree with Fluffy animal. Try the No Cry Sleep Solution. My DS was like this too!

[hairymclary]

pick her up, she's just a tiny baby and she needs you to comfort her.
crying is the only way she can express herself and you have to teach her that you're there for her so she knows that she is safe and secure.

[booboobunny]

hi, thanks for the advice (another longnight last night). i have tried much of what has been suggested though. the pantley book gives some nice gentle tips, but hasn't really impacted on how well she sleeps. we've been trying it for a few weeks now and i can't see even minor improvements. i have tried to get her to take a dummy but she's just not having it (same as a bottle). have seen hv today and se has booked an appointment to come round and advise. really keeping my fngers crossed that this may be the breakthrough as i think we all need a good night's sleep. the trouble is that to some extent i know what i'm doing wrong, but when i try and do it right she just keeps on crying and i just have to pick her up. can't bear for her to cry bless her. this presumably just reinforces the message that if she carries on crying she'll get a cuddle, but i just don't have it in me to leave her to cry.

[Tatties]

My ds is 19mo and needs bf to sleep, also wakes in the night. I don't believe he is developmentally ready to spend the whole night on his own yet. He needs me during the day, so why shouldn't he need me if he wakes in the night?

I know it is hard. After trying EVERYTHING to get my ds to 'sleep through' I resigned myself to the fact that he just wasn't ready, and accepted the situation. Then suddenly I felt so much better, stopped feeling like I had done something wrong. It is tiring but you have to find ways of clawing back the sleep - try to nap when she naps during the day, go to bed early a couple of nights a week, co-sleep so you are less disturbed by night-wakings.

You might find this reassuring, also reading any of Deborah Jackson's books always made me feel normal and less freak-like

[fluffyanimal]

Booboobunny, you aren't doing anything wrong by picking up your baby if she is crying, and don't let anyone tell you different. Other parents may find they can leave their babies to cry and that is right for them, but it obviously isn't for you, so don't make yourself believe you are doing something wrong.

[booboobunny]

thanks folks. i have to say that while the lack of sleep is an issue, my over-riding reason for starting this conversation was that i was feeling like a bit of a failure - can't get her to sleep (i haven't taught her to sleep my hv tells me) and can't get her to bottle feed. all the other mums i meet seem to be doing so much better than me!!! so reassuring to hear that other folk have the same issues but have dealt with them or just decided not to worry about them. i think i just need to be more positive. she is still a little baby after all and very lovely to boot!

[Tatties]

Nooooo! You are not a failure! But I felt exactly the same you know. I felt that I should have been able to comfort ds in some other way. But all he wanted to do was feed Don't listen to your hv, she's talking rubbish. Relax and let your dd fall asleep in the lovliest way possible

[peekaboomum]

I know what you mean about feeling a failure - I feel like that everytime someone asks me if my baby sleeps well. I have to say not great and then feel like it is because of something I have done...

My lo was still waking at 19 weeks to be fed but soon started to go a bit longer without having to do anything so hold on in there. Now I have really early waking to contend with!