baby whisperer v no cry sleep solution

[moljam]

which would be best for nearly 10 month old baby?im getting desperate!we have no routine really at the moment,he slept well untill a month or 2 ago.we half co sleep but am open to suggestions.i do not want to do cc.help!

[99redballoons]

Hi moljam, both methods are similar, ie. getting baby to fall asleep by themselves. If you can borrow the books have a look through them. I think you need to write out a bedtime routine and stick to it for atleast a week to see if it has any effect. For both ds and dd we would stay with them whilst they learnt how to go to sleep by themselves, picking them up occasionally, patting them etc. It's hard, but you know they're safe and they know you're there. IMO I think any change to their current routine will involve some crying, so expect it. But you don't have to leave them alone to do it iykwim. It also involves very long nights for you so time any change with the weekend (eg. thurs to sun nights) or when you have time off. Hope you find what's right for you.

[Peridot30]

With my dd we put her in cot and we sat beside cot for 1st night, 2nd night sat a few steps from cot, 3rd night sat at door. before putting her in cot told her it was night time and time to go to sleep and once in cot while sitting in the room never made eye contact or talked to her. She could still see me and felt safe enabling her to go to sleep herself. Hope ive explained this ok

[moljam]

thankyou both of you.if sitting by cot,what do you do when theyre screaming pu pd or just shussing patting etc?

[Peridot30]

ONce i put her in cot 1st night she was screaming but did reasure her every few minutes. just said to her mummy is here but its sleep time night night. Never said anything else to her. I know its hard but in the long run its great for you. Good luck

[99redballoons]

Hi moljam, we too did a similar thing to peridot30, but when ds was a bit older (think he was about 20mo). That's what worked the best for us then (think he just moved from cot to first bed). I think some people call it the 'gradual withdrawl' technique . Not sure how effective it will be on a 10mo (my dd is 11mo and wouldn't understand it), but anything is worth a try. I did the soothing lullaby's and cuddles in the dark, then into the cot, out of the door. Queue crying, then I go back in 5 mins later and cuddle (maybe shhh's but no singing at this point) until they are calm, back into the cot, crying starts again, no eye contact, leave the room, and then just keep repeating this until they eventually start to understand what you're doing and they feel secure enough (or most likely shattered enough the first few times you do this) to fall asleep by themselves. I don't think we timed 5 mins, just went in when it felt right, could have been every 2-3mins. But I would leave some time to give them a chance to calm down by themselves. I found staying in the room at this age just confused them so I would always leave. But you may find your ds would prefer you to stay and see you and then drop off like peridot suggests.

I do think you need to think beforehand what you're going to do, ie. pickup, not pickup, just pat, or whatever, before you start the process. I used to chop and change with ds and I think it just slowed up the process.

Stick with it. Should take about 3-4 nights with a lo, but longer with a toddler. Let us know how you get on.

[MummyPig]

I like the no-cry-sleep solution because the author is far less prescriptive than Tracey Hogg. One of the things that put me off the Baby Whisperer was that she didn't believe in colic or reflux, and both my boys definitely had this. (Ds1 had colic because of a sensitivity to cow's milk and ds2 only came off his anti-reflux meds when he was 2yrs old.) The other thing about the no-cry sleep solution book is that Elizabeth Pantley doesn't just tell you a technique but also gets you to think about how sleep works and how you might be inadvertantly making it harder for your child to get to sleep - by giving them the wrong food, or food too close to bedtime, or because of the activities before bedtime etc. Then she gives you a whole load of suggestions for helping your child to sleep, and as it's not prescriptive you can choose the ones you think will work best.

I'm not sure if you're aware, but she also wrote a ncss book for toddlers and pre-schoolers. I wonder if this might be starting to be more appropriate for your 10 month old? And she doesn't dismiss co-sleeping either, just gives ideas for making it better for you - or moving them to their own bed completely, whichever you feel is best. Have lent my copy to a friend so I can't remember all the ideas but would definitely recommend it over the 'cry it out' approach, even with frequent visits and checking.

Pantley's approach has helped me with my boys, in any case. In fact one of the things I regret about the first year with ds1 is that I paid too much attention to the Baby Whisperer and was so determined to get ds1 to sleep on his own. I know other mums swear by these approaches but I look back on the hours spent with him standing up in his cot screaming and wish I could take them back .

[moljam]

thanks all!im feeling little more able to cope today,he was only up 3 times lastnight!no nap today though except whilst out!i waited for ages!think will go for ncss,sounds more relaxed.