2 year old so attached to me she won't sleep unless I'm with her!

[Jojo1234]

I have an amazing 2 year old daughter - she's great fun all day but bedtime is a nightmare. She won't even entertain sleep unless I put her to bed - daddy is no substitute in her book. I've never not put her to bed - in 2 years! She won't sleep unless I sit next to her bed (screams the house down if I so much as attempt to leave her room) and even tells me to lie down next to her. Trouble is, she falls asleep in her own time and that can take up to 2 hours. I end up frazzled, frustrated and angry with her which then leads to hideous feelings of guilt as I love her more than anything. Some times I even resent her as she's taking my free time away and I don't get the chance to relax or be 'me' anymore. Why won't she sleep without me at her side? Is it possible for a child to be too attached to a parent? I know I hate being without her and haven't ever been happy when we are seperated (I work 3 days a week) but she needs her sleep and I need time to get on with day to day stuff, eat dinner, be with my husband.... I am tired and dread her bedtime. What can I do? I've tried gradual withdrawl, I've tried controlled crying but none work. I can't sit with her for hours each night, its no good for any of us! She doesn't like it when I go out without her either, I am trying to run but some days she clings to my leg and won't let me out the door - just seeing her so distressed makes me feel guilty so I don't go..... Anyone else in the same boat? Any tips? Will it pass?

[lilybird]

i have this problem to a certain degree, dd won't let dh put her to bed if she knows i'm i the house. so i have nights off,where i go to the gym so she's got no option but her daddy to put her to bed, and she's fine she now waves me off.
it's horrible leaving them when their in such a state but you've got to be strong for your own sanity!

[YeahBat]

You're going to have to get tough.
She's associating bedtime with playing with mum and not sleeping. Getting your dh to put her to bed at this stage probably won't help - you need to be able to put her to bed, have her stay in her room and fall asleep on her own. IMO it means holding the door shut and putting up with screaming tantrums for a week a la Little Angels but you have to mean it and not cave in!

[Jojo1234]

Thanks for your advice. I tried the going out and giving her no choice but I found she'd still be awake when I came home and I ended up intervening anyway...... not sure I could do the shutting the door and letting her scream. I know it works for some but I would feel too cruel plus I can't seem to accept she's just being cheeky but think there must be a real reason why she doesn't want me to leave. Anyway, last week we started a rewards chart and boy oh boy what a difference its had!!!!!!! We made the chart together as a family so we were all involved and it was lots of fun. She decorated it with stickers while we explained what it was for. We only put a few 'activities' on it to keep it nice and simple - things like 'I brushed my teeth nicely', 'I put my PJs on' and the main one being 'I went to bed without a fuss'. We award stars for the pre-bedtime activities before lights out (so go through each stage giving a star if she does well) and the final 'going to bed' activity is appraised the following morning. First night, I don't think she really appreciated what was happening but we gave her a star for each stage and then rewarded her with a small gift the following morning. By night 2 she was so into getting her stars, she lay down straight away at bedtime and was asleep within 10 mins, with no chatter, objections or getting out of bed - we thought we were dreaming!!!!!! We gave another gift the next morning which she really seemed to appreciate (we kept reinforcing it was because she had been so good and went to bed without a fuss). By night 3 she was asleep in minutes, slept through till 8am (12.5 hours!)and amazingly when she came in to our room in the morning, the first thing she said was "can I have my star for staying in my bed please?" - AMAZING. She's only just 2 and we've tried everything. This is painless, lots of fun and yes, some nights we have a few minor set backs when she's running off rather than brushing her teeth or getting dressed but the main thing is she has REALLY responded to the focus (its helped us focus better through the bedtime routine too and keeps us calm)and she understands that there is lots to be gained by being good...... even better, she thinks the stars are good enough reward and doesn't even ask for presents!!!!!!!!!!! Definitely recommend it for anyone struggling to get little ones to sleep at night, we have our evenings back and feel so much calmer, plus she's happier because she's asleep at a sensible time (7.30pm not 9.30pm) without the exhausting struggle we used to have. Next thing we need to focus on is getting her to accept Daddy as a substitute and being able to leave her room before she's asleep. But its one major hurdle overcome at least....