Help getting 13 week to self soothe - long!

[OwlBeThereForYou]

I'm sorry if this is done and a bit long winded, please try and stay with me! I tried searching but there were too many different ages etc!
We're trying to put DS down "drowsy but awake" like I've read, but he starts kicking his legs out and rubbing his face which just makes him cry he's swaddled in a sleeping bag otherwise it would be fingers in his eyes and scrams all over his face sigh but he still manages to rub too hard.
I've tried leaving him to this but he just starts crying and screaming hysterically. We tried to leave him cry once but it just got worse, and I'm not comfortable letting him cry it out. He is my pfb too !
Sorry it's such a long post! But does anyone have any advice? I'm up 3 or 4 times in the early hours cuddling him back to sleep. He won't lay down until he's fast asleep or he'll start kicking and crying I'm getting really frustrated and I don't know what to do.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

He's only tiny, all three of mine needing cuddling to sleep at his age. Way past that age for two of them, but not the third.

I personally would not try to make such a young baby settle themselves/cry themselves to sleep. I may be totally wrong, but teeny babies need cuddles.

[Verycold]

Agree with Santas

[Moobieboobie]

There is no easy answer to this I'm afraid! I am currently posting with one hand with my 16 week old asleep in the other after being rocked to sleep.......this is DC3 and I have only achieved the 'drowsy but awake' status with DC2. It just has not worked with the others and I have given up trying :-) you are not doing anything wrong - I have found that I have had better albeit limited success during the day with self settling but only in the last couple of weeks and it is totally adhoc. I know it doesn't feel like it but this stage does pass and they are still really young and want to be held and I have found there is not much you can do.

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

I wouldn't recommend any sort of sleep training yet. This stage can be tough but it won't be long and it'll be easier.

If you're going to try putting him down drowsy, start with daytime naps only not at night when he's very tired and needs comfort and stay to shush pat imo.

I read Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. It was helpful.

[angelopal]

Sorry no advice. Dd was 5.5 months before she could self settle. I do sympathise as we had to sit up with her until she fell into a deep sleep. If we put her down to soon she woke up and had to start again.

Hang in there. It will get better.

[Handsoff7]

Have you tried a dummy?

It can be really helpful for self soothing.

[OwlBeThereForYou]

Thanks everyone! I'll try and not stress out too much. I'm not too bothered about the cuddling to sleep too much, it's the waking when being put down and waking through the night that's difficult.
It's great to know I'm not on my own tho, thanks all!
Dummy is a bit hit and miss, some days he loves it and it sends him right off, but most days he's not bothered with one

[iK8]

Co-sleeping worked for us. My eldest just screeched and cried when I tried to get him to sleep anywhere other than on or next to me and he'd only fall asleep on his on in a buggy or car. The transfer from me to cot was just impossible.

With my second we didn't even try any thing other than co-sleeping. It was much less stressful! Although I did wear her in a sling if I want able to sit or our with her on me. She's never been one for sleeping in the buggy or car though

It's not for everyone but it did work for us.

[dorasee]

Warm bath...then after a big snuggle, onto the bed for some bicycle kicking. He kicks and cycles, smiles and squeals, but as soon as he starts 'whinging' and getting fed up, I know he is worn out and ready to go down. I put my boy to sleep on his tummy. This is not recommended but I have done this with all 3 of my kids. I put his head to the side, ensure clear breathing, no blankets or other hazards. When he is sound asleep, I rest him on his side with support or place him on his back. My kids have always gone out like lights this way. Placing them straight onto their backs never settled them.

[blushingmare]

Might not be what you want to hear, but it's normal! Some babies (my DC2) lend themselves well to self-settling and will do it with a bit of gentle encouragement "like it says in the books", other babies (my DC1) won't self-settle for love nor money, no matter what the theories tell you. Your baby is tiny and needs cuddling to sleep - just do it, it won't last for ever I promise you, it just feels like it at the moment Could you try co-sleeping to try and get more rest?

[OwlBeThereForYou]

Secretly I'm loving the cuddling to sleep. I know it won't happen forever and I do enjoy the snuggles, but it's the putting down that's an issue! I know it's against the "rules" but we put him to sleep on his side, propped against a nursing pillow, he just doesn't like being on his back, but it's taking about 10 attempts to get him down. Even co sleeping doesn't work because it means he's not suspended in my arms
It's good to know I'm not on my own tho! And I'm lucky that I've got a DH who works enough odd hours to let me lie in most mornings!

[blushingmare]

Oh goodness I remember those times with DD, I really do! I don't know how I got through it, but I did somehow. As I say, it doesn't last forever! Great that you can have some lie ins - that must help a lot. Good luck