So I'm ready to F*CKING SCREAM

[Cbell]

I'm writing this so that I don't give into my urge to scream-kick-shout.

Middle of the night and into the second hour of my third wake up with my DS (1yo).

Up until a few weeks ago with a lot of effort he was sleeping from 7-4am, that was using various CC techniques.

Recently we've accepted using gentler techniques again and it jus leads to MORE FUCKING WAKE UPS.

Controlled crying = screaming hysterical child
BF sleep = more wake ups

I am going insane and feel so frustrated with this child.

When will it get better? How to make it get better?

Also co sleeping does not work for us = 2-3 hours awake

[WaffleWiffle]

Firstly for your own sanity, if your DC sleeps during the day then use the chance to sleep yourself.

At night time I don't know what to suggest. With mine I just bit the bullet and let them cry. It took less than a week to sort.

[unrealhousewife]

If you did CC hes pronably a bit traumatised and has developed a separation anxiety. The wake ups will continue for a while ubtil he feels confident again.

Best thing you can do is manage your own sleep by napping when possible during the day.

[sometimesyouwin]

If it helps I'm in exactly the same position right now with my 4mth old DS2. The only thing getting me through is remembering that it did eventually get better on it's own with DS1. I continued with all my bad habits of feeding to sleep and co-sleeping (far less stressful than dealing with any screaming) which got us both back to sleep quicker and I can tell you that he sleeps through like a log now. It just eventually happened on it's own. Hang in there, it's rough going but there is light at the end of the tunnel even without any intervention. Coming on mumsnet always helps as it makes you realise there are plenty of others going through the same thing. I really hope things improve for you soon.

[unrealhousewife]

I used to go to my Mum's crawl upstairs and sleep on her bed for sometimes 3 hours. It kept me sane as i knew she wouldnt wake me if dd cried.

[Eminybob]

I probably shouldn't have opened this thread as it makes me realise that I still have much worse to come! DS is 5 weeks and I'm having a nightmare with him tonight. He took forever to get to sleep last time, he's just woken for a feed but keeps fussing and falling asleep, then waking as soon as I try to put him back in the Moses basket. But even if he did go down I'm sure he'd be up again shortly as he hasn't had a proper feed

I adore him and enjoy the days so much, but am starting to dread the nights. I feel for you I really do. Sorry there was no advice there. Just empathy and

[MooseBeTimeForSpring]

DS didn't sleep through until we stopped bf. He was 2.4. Wondering if I should have stopped earlier. He now sleeps 11.5 hours.

[Secretblackandmidnighthag]

Is it definitely not teeth? My DS got his molars around that age and his sleep went to shite.

[allisgood1]

You went wrong by going from firm CC to "gentler techniques". Now he knows if he cries for so long you'll come and do X. Go back to what you were doing before but prepare that you'll have a few bad nights before it goes back to normal again. Don't worry, he WILL sleep again!!

[Madcat22]

Unrealhousewife.... not a helpful comment to a desperate mum trying to do her best regarding him being traumatised and separation anxiety. There is no evidence whatsoever for this. Keep your chin up OP.

If not teeth I would agree that softer technique may have confused him. If he can go from 7-4 then he doesn't need bf before then too so might just be waking to bf for comfort. Make sure he is eating enough so not hungry at bedtime then stick to CC is my advice.

[Cbell]

Sorry about the two posts...,potty brain at 2am.

Sleeping during the day is not an option I have a 3yo.

I agree that CC has probably upset his equilibrium and that we are now just confusing him without mixed bag of techniques.

The thought of riding it our possibly for another year is bloody horrible.

[unrealhousewife]

Madcat controlled crying a one year old is going to create separation anxiety. The truth might be hard to handle but that is what happens.

Only by being realistic and truthful can we find real solutions.

I suggested OP focuses on her own sleep in order to be able to deal with baby in the night. Focusing on fixing the baby isn't the only way forward. Parents need to rest to stay sane, but not always at night.

[unrealhousewife]

Cbell it will get better, try and get someone to look after the 3 year old while you get a good nap. Even if its just once a week it will help. Baby will calm down once he knows you are always there to respond. Gradual separation is the way forward.

A good night's sleep is a rare luxury when you have young dcs. Sod pampering and exercise, sleep is what mothers need most. Having a 3 year old as well is hard work, probably the hardest time you will have sleep wise.

[cakebaby]

OP I bloody feel for you

11.5 month ds has managed to ditch feeding to sleep & goes in cot awake with gradual retreat in last 4 weeks, also stopped 10pm feed & didn't feed\co sleep til 4am.

Then a week ago it all went to pot big style. Now we are back to howling at bedtime, waking 30, mins after bedtime then hourly. Cannot settle after 10pm, gave up after 3.5 hrs crying. Add in early waking at 445 too. This morning I had to leave him screaming in his cot for my own sanity. I very, very nearly lost my temper.

At. Wits. End. Where do we go from here?

You are not alone

[Sunshine200]

Am there with you right now. Dd (10 mths) screaming in cot whilst I'm arguing with DH about what to do - I want to scream too, sorry, I know that's no help to you!

I tried the no cry sleep solution and it led to more wake ups too.

All I know is I can't go on like this for another year as I'm shattered during the day and end up taking it out on dd1.

[Curiouslygrumpycola]

Just wanted to offer more empathy. Just an anecdote: My 14 month old is waking up around 4 times a night. This doesn't improve wether I co-sleep or not. He has never been left to cry...at all. Sometime they just go through stages of being shit sleepers! Teeth, needing a poo, too much sleep during the day, not enough sleep during the day, the stars not being aligned :(

Like you I'm struggling as I have a very active three year old during the day that only naps for 20 mins. No chance to catch up. He is also a light sleeper so ds2 waking up is making him upset in the night too.

Sorry this has turned into a rant.

I'm thinking some kind of gradual retreat to go to sleep and then work from there. Any ideas on how to do that without them screaming the place down?

[Curiouslygrumpycola]

On a more practical note op, is it worth trying to go to bed when both the kids do? Even every over night while you put a plan in place.

[Cbell]

Glad I'm not alone on this but sorry to hear so nany of us are struggling through the night.

The last few nights have been shit with two long wake ups. I seriously thought he was going to be up for the day at 3.30am yesterday. I was reminded what a friend of mine said "babies need sleep, they need sleep to be healthy and it's our job to help them get it"

I said this to myself over and over as we used CC and am saying it again tonight as DH sits with my DS WHIKE he screams.

Going to bed early sounds like a sensible option but what I find is that I am so anxious about the night that u can't sleep...arrgghhhh.

We're on our first wake up and it's 11.30am the earliest yet. Things are not getting better.

[Cbell]

Glad I'm not alone on this but sorry to hear so nany of us are struggling through the night.

The last few nights have been shit with two long wake ups. I seriously thought he was going to be up for the day at 3.30am yesterday. I was reminded what a friend of mine said "babies need sleep, they need sleep to be healthy and it's our job to help them get it"

I said this to myself over and over as we used CC and am saying it again tonight as DH sits with my DS WHIKE he screams.

Going to bed early sounds like a sensible option but what I find is that I am so anxious about the night that u can't sleep...arrgghhhh.

We're on our first wake up and it's 11.30am the earliest yet. Things are not getting better.

[Cbell]

So after a hour of upset I am back BF.

Who know how many times I will be up tonight. I feel so emotional about this for my DS who wakes, for my beautiful DD who gets a tired grumpy mother each day.

Our day lacks routine and fun because our nights are so screwed. I want to wait it out. I want to cosleep like lovely snugly folks. Why does nothing work.

[LAB123]

Cbell, can't offer any advice as my DD is only 5 weeks old but I'm having a shit night too and she won't settle 2.5 hours after a feed. Time for the next one to start soon! Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. It always feels harder and more lonely at night but remember there are mums all over the place doing exactly what you're doing. This too will pass x

[Curiouslygrumpycola]

Does you dc take a bottle (expressed)? With dc1 I switched to water at night time at a year. Dh and I split the night, so he was in charge until 1am and then I took over. Dh would offer water and sit rocking ds. I could sleep knowing ds wasn't being left to cry. Dc1 eventually woke less, so dh and I would end up with one wake up each.

Even now, dh says he will do first wake up as I just end up awake and anxious counting how little sleep time there is left.

Just a thought, but what is your day like? Is your little one eating well (quantity not healthy) and sleeping much during the day?

[Curiouslygrumpycola]

Lab123, I found following Kelly'smom advice of 2 hourly breast feeds during the day helped sort out night from day in those first few weeks.

All the problems came later on!

[unrealhousewife]

Cbel, tell your friend to come and babysit while you get some sleep. Its your ' job' to keep yourself sane so you can be there when baby wakes up. Your sleep is probably more important than your baby's.

Babies sleep on and off through the day, you deserve more than one chance in 24 hours as well.