4 w/o newborn sleep- me and her

[blondiebonce]

Sorry this is a bit long!
My DD is 4 weeks old and bottle fed. ATM she is mostly waking every 3-4 hours round the clock for a feed which I'm not sure is normal or not? She's on 5oz because she was draining 4 and I'd rather she had the option of taking less if she wants than wanting more.
Mostly a feed will get her to sleep and the more she drinks the longer she sleeps so we encourage her to by keeping her awake such as by changing her nappy half way, talking to her etc until it's obvious she doesn't want more.
However! She obv has awake time but this appears to be mostly at 1am for several hours which is generally her crying, and even if she stops crying in your arms it starts again full pelt if she's put down.
I'd really like (as much as possible with a newborn) to try and encourage better habits that even if don't make a difference to her help us to help her iykwim?

The other problem I'm finding is having energy and staying awake. I know that's really normal and obvious in the eRly days but it's getting to the point where my partner (who works as well!) is having to help me stay awake and do things I reLly feel I should have done whilst he's at work because I'm home all day. We take night feeds in turn apart from at weekends when he works 14 hour days.

After all of that rambling my issues are basically 1. How can I understand/help/influence my baby's sleep routine (I know she's only tiny and this might be a long shot) and 2. How can I deal with lack of sleep/waking in the night better?

Thank you for reading!

[hollie84]

I would offer feeds every 3 hours on the day. Keep the day time bright and have her sleep in the living room with you, noise around her, and keep feeds between say 11pm and 7am dark, quiet, stay in the bedroom if possible, no talking. They take a while to get day and night the right way round.

You can encourage some awake periods in the day by playing, chatting, giving her a bath etc - probably no more than 45 minutes at a time at this age though.

I'm afraid most newborns don't like to be put down at night - it's survival instinct! Have you tried swaddling her? And a dummy?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Not everyone will agree but with your first in these early days I'd just sleep when she sleeps. If you slept for two lots of 3 hours during the day then you only need 2 hours during the night right? And chores can be done when you are both awake!?

The hormones in your baby will sort themselves out especially if you keep the daytime hours when you are awake stimulating but the night time awake hours calm and dim.

[GingerRodgers]

Op- your baby is 4 weeks old. Relax and leave the jobs/housework/everything else either to dp, visitors or just alone until you're more able. You won't get this time (or your sleep) back. The rest will keep. You can not do it all so don't try.
Congrats on your new baby

[hollie84]

Oh yes, when she sleeps in the day definitely try to nap at least once yourself!

[startwig1982]

4 weeks is still very little. I wouldn't worry about trying to get her to have a routine as such. Feeding every 3/4 is normal.
I used to get ds up, have a feed and play before putting him back down again. It's really important that you try to sleep while she sleeps: forget the housework-it's more important that you get some rest.
As for nighttime, she's only little and it will get better.

[Littlef00t]

It sounds like she still doesn't know day from night so I'd make sure you are doing everything you can to emphasise the difference.

Exposing her to sunshine in the morning when you want the day to start (7/8ish?) even if just opening the curtains helps set her body clock, putting the radio on, being really chatty etc, making sure daytime naps are somewhere a bit busier, ideally downstairs with you.

Nighttime, minimum eye contact, low lighting (even nappy changes) minimum talking, if you're watching TV while feeding perhaps use headphones and iPad rather than big TV she can see and hear etc. basically nighttime is boring.

Sorry if you're already doing all this.

[Littlef00t]

For naps, we did a few weeks about this age of lots of naps with her out in the carrycot on the pushchair to encourage her to get used to not napping on us. She needed the prop of movement for her to put up with not being snuggled on my or DH chest.

Lots will say she is still to young, but we did find it helped and gave us the choice, as after a couple of weeks, we could take her out for 5 minutes and she would sleep for at least 30 mins in the hall.

I must say, at this age I was napping as much as possible, often 2 naps a day as I was ebf so doing all the night wakings. Please don't beat yourself up about chores, you can catch up in the future.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

What we did with FFd Dd at that age was to offer milk every three hours between 7am and 7pm, nice and light and bright etc. Then we would put her down after a bath at seven (and a feed) for a sleep and keep the lights and tv in the lounge low.

We would then wake her at 10.30/11pm and do a bum change, bright lights, chatter and smiles then swaddle her up and take her to our bedroom for a bottle. Down sleeping in the dark and she would then wake us about 1am then again at 4am then again at seven for the day. By eight weeks she had stopped the 1am and 4am and went 11pm, 3am, 7am, then by about twelve weeks she dropped the 3am and we stopped waking her at eleven and just lifted in the dark and offered milk to her asleep.

[AnythingNotEverything]

OP you're home all day looking after a baby. I got little done in the early days other than showering, having lunch, and keeping the baby alive. You don't need to achieve anything else. And don't even think about trying to keep your housekeeping standards up. That way madness lies. You aren't on Maid Leave

I used to watch tv/netflix on my phone at nighttime, with headphones in to keep it quiet and dark for baby. Some people read on a kindle or read news websites etc.

Great advice about teaching baby the difference between night and day. At about this age a lot of parents stop changing at every feed at nighttime unless there's a dirty nappy or you need to wake baby up a bit to get them to finish a bottle.

Try and relax. Just because your other half is back at work doesn't mean baby is entirely your responsibility at all times. It's early days though, perfect time to try find a balance that suits you both.

Congratulations!