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Should I or shouldn't I...naps/routine/cot/carrier two steps forward one step back...

6 replies

pebPEB1 · 22/07/2014 16:45

My DD is 12 weeks. Nights are improving but not very consistent eg some nights long sleep from 10 ish of 4-5 hrs, once 7 hours. Other nights feed after 3 hrs then 2.5 then 1.5...she is ebf. Always starts in cot, increasingly only coming in with me at about 6-7 ish in the morning.
Day times so hit & miss. I don't have a regular set get up time yet as depends on how the nights been for DD and me, plus I don't always get back to sleep quickly after feed, or wake to feed before she does etc.
If I put her in the carrier at an appropriate time she will always sleep, which is good and means dogs get walked, hands free for getting things done. Once she napped in the cot, she will sometimes rarely sleep in the pram but not for as long and as soon as I stop walking she's awake again. She will sleep in the car seat but I'm not often going out, we live on a farm so walks are at home.
I have no routine, some days we do a food shop, or a mums group, or a visit somewhere, other days we don't. This week is v quiet, last week busy.
Increasingly people are telling me to instigate a routine of daytime naps but I'm at a loss of how. Sometimes she sleeps a lot of the day, other times hardly at all (today) some days cluster feeding still but not everyday..
Is she too variable in her days, am I also too variable? Do I need to start a timetable approach or just go with it? I'd prefer to be led by her but equally would rather not be creating a rod for my own back for the future.
Any experiences or suggestions gratefully received!

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TiredOfSleep · 22/07/2014 17:33

The only thing I would suggest would be a regular start time to your day, within 30mins ish. This may then lead to a regular bedtime and you might see more of a routine emerge.

I presume you have a regular bedtime routine - not time but bath feed song bed or whatever.

My only concern for you is it sounds like most naps are to movement which might be an issue in the future but it's entirely up to you if it you want to change anything.

I think a lot of people prefer to have a routine as it takes the guess work out of a day and children do come to appreciate having an idea of how the day goes, but that may not work for you and that is fine.

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pebPEB1 · 22/07/2014 18:39

I would like some sort of routine, especially if children seem to prefer some structure. I suppose I'm just afraid of becoming paranoid about clock watching and then I worry how it works when some days are home and others include a morning out for example. She's really alert and watches everything going on around us when we're out now so I could see her 'missing' a nap and then our day becomes disjointed.
I think to start our day at a regular time makes sense, I do find we have better days if I get her up at 7-7.30.
I'm ashamed to say I don't have a bedtime routine, I shower then bath DD in the mornings, and evenings are either cluster feeding to sleep then put to bed when I go once she's asleep usually 10-10.30, or if really alert and awake a short walk In pram and then she falls asleep and I swaddled her and transfer her to her cot.
Reading my first post back it sounds completely haphazard,I feel guilty for that now but thought I was just going by her. Perhaps that's not the right thing to do.
The movement will obviously become an issue in time, especially with more children I imagine. Oh dear, I think I've already got a rod for my back. It seems I've made quite a problem.
Advice even more gratefully received. Thank you

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Misty9 · 22/07/2014 22:46

Please don't feel ashamed for not having a bedtime routine. My baby is 13 weeks and we definitely don't have such a thing yet (though I am starting to think about it). Being led by your baby is not wrong at all and if it's working for you then don't feel there's a need to drastically change what you're doing, please. Babies like predictability, yes, but meeting her needs counts as being predictable for now.

Fwiw, with my first we introduced a bedtime routine at around 5 months and he took to it like a duck to water. Maybe we could have done it earlier, but maybe he wouldn't have been ready.

We're still partly co sleeping and our wake up time depends on what I can get away with after my toddler gets up! Just enjoy your baby and the structure will come.

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Misty9 · 22/07/2014 22:50

And don't feel you've created a problem! Getting your baby to sleep anyway you can is the name of the game in the first few months. Mine will only fall asleep with boob or in the sling during the day. If that's still the case in a few months I might start addressing it. If it's an issue for us. There's no right way to parent, do what feels right for you and you're probably doing fine :)

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josephine1986 · 23/07/2014 09:29

Just do what you can to survive!
Ignore those telling you to get into a routine
Unless it is really bothering you, most babies tend to put themselves into a routine of sorts around the 4mth mark. And then the sleep regression tears it to shreds!
Routines from the books, gina ford et al, are really for bottle fed babies. If you are able to fit around her needs for on demand feeding etc, she will tell you when shes tired. You will then hopefully see a pattern emerhe, eg she gets tired 1 hour after waking, so go for a walk til she drops off, or go back to bed together!
That first nap after waking was the most important for my dd at that age - i was surpised how quickly she needed it after waking but most do!
Keep an eye on how long she has been awake for, i would guess 1-1.5 hrs at that age and ready for nap.

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pebPEB1 · 23/07/2014 10:30

Thank you for your replies and reassurance. I feel a lot better now that hopefully I'm not doing anything wrong. I will try for a more regular start to the day & expect the first nap to be earlier than I had realised. Then hopefully in time DD will find her own routine and we can structure our days. Thank you.

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