Am I making a rod for my own back?

[Elf1981]

Okay, dd is nearly 11 months old. She's a pretty good sleeper, she used to go 7:30 - 6:00 which was fine for me! A couple of months ago we added a dream feed around 10:00 at night as she kept waking at 3:00 without it. We have recently dropped that dream feed, all going well.
My issue is that loads of people keep telling me that I am making a rod for my own back by letting dd fall asleep on the breast. She has a bath, then a feed and falls asleep. We then put her in her cot for the night.
People keep saying that I should feed her than bath her (which I am sure would result in a load of screams) or keep her awake while feeding her (how?!)
Am I doing wrong by letting her fall asleep on the breast? Personally I dont think that it is too bad, but I dont want her to be four and unable to fall asleep in any other way!
Am I damaging her teeth - just another thing for me to worry about!

[WideWebWitch]

Don't worry about it and keep doing what you're doing. Forget what people say, do what works for you and your dd!

[moondog]

Second WWW
If it works for you,then it's good.

[Quadrophenia]

Everyone always has an opinion on how you should parent your, child but follow your instincts and do whatever makes you and your dd happy

[Quadrophenia]

excuse the poor punctuation!

[Elf1981]

I plan to breastfeed at night and in the morning til she's at least two (I'm planning on dropping the expressed milk in the day, I'm exhausted doing it) so there's no immediate problem with changing her sleeping habits, I was just getting stressed with the idea of her not being able to fall asleep when she's older. I kept reassuring myself with the fact she'll be older so probably more acceptable as I'll be able to tell her what is going on rather than just withdrawing the milk, but then somebody added into the mix that I was going to damage her teeth or something.
It's a minefield!

[Elf1981]

thanks for the advice everybody
I love mumsnet for this type of thing!

[CorrieDale]

Well, it's working for me at 14 months! I, to increase the 'roddiness', sing DS lullabies (yes, more than one - a whole never-varying routine of them!) as well. I've had the same worries as you, but but last night I heard DS wake and start groaning rhythmically to himself (I think he was 'shushing' himself, which is what I do to get him back to sleep if he wakes in the night). He got himself nicely back to sleep that way, which was great. I'm not planning on weaning him anytime soon - I don't think I could cope with the upset that would ensue if we lost that last lovely cuddly feed! Mind you, I do still worry sometimes about his teeth. Though refusing to allow him to have sweets/chocolate/fruit juice/squash, etc., salves my conscience somewhat!

[TitianRed]

Do you put her down awake for naps during the day? If so, don't worry about letting her fall asleep on the breast at night. My DS used to fall asleep while I fed him and we've had very few problems with his sleeping since I stopped breastfeeding. I agree with the others - just go with what feels right for you.

[Spidermama]

I've always let mine 4 fall asleep on the breast if they wanted to. It's lovely. It feels so right. They've all been fine. I have no rod in my back (at least, not one related to this subject ).

People always say, 'You're making a rod for your back' IME. 99.8% of the time it's a load of bollocks.

[WideWebWitch]

Where tf did that expression come from, anyway?
It's always accompanied by a sucking of teeth and a shaking of the head

[WideWebWitch]

Oh and a tip I read here ages ago when someone says something you don't like, raise an eyebrow and say 'interesting' and leave it at that.

Well, it's that or fuck off and mind your own business

[Spidermama]

Yes I like 'interesting'. Another one is, 'really?' said with a total lack of interest.

I think making a rod for your own back has something to do with Victorians going to all sorts of hideous lengths to make sure they sit up straight. Or something.

[Monkeybar]

Surely your dd CAN settle herself back to sleep?! I was an avid reader of all the sleep training books when my lo was a bit younger and they all tell you that a sleep cycle is about 2 hrs long and although adults will come to conciousness and go back off without truly waking, children can get totally awake if they can't settle themselves back off without help. If your dd is sleeping for so long, I reckon she must be doing the self settling already. (my ds was a nightmare because when he woke during the night (usually every 1.5 to 2 hrs) he needed help to settle him back off although he'll now go 7.30 to 6 which is bliss!)

[Elf1981]

lol WWW. Shall try the "f off and mind your own business" line in future. And the sucking in of the breath when saying the sentence - perfect!!

TitianRed - During the week, she's at the childminders, she has expressed milk and never falls asleep on the bottle, she tends to fall asleep in the pushchair, in the car etc. If she wakes in the night, most times she'll get herself to sleep by herself, especially if she works out how to roll onto her belly, she seems to sleep a lot better like that!

Spidermama - I think I had made the rod for my back by letting DD eat off my plate at dinner, good job we dont use salt etc, she just prefers the dinner off my plate. I'll accept that "rod" if the sleep thing works out okay!

CorrieDale - my DH calls me a tryant for not letting her eat chocolate etc!

[Monkeybar]

P.S. I never got the feed then bath thing either! It's the same as being told you should brush your child's teeth AFTER the last feed of the day be it bottle or breast. Not a chance here, if ds is drowsy from his drink, great!

[moondog]

A bright smile and a 'I'll bear that in mind then' also works well.

[Elf1981]

Monkeybar - interesting comment. I think she can settle herself back to sleep, it's the actual getting her to sleep in the first place that was getting me worried.

[Spidermama]

Or a simple, 'Mm' if the advice persists.

[Monkeybar]

My ds doesn't always fall asleep immediately after his bottle, but if he doesn't, I stay with him until he IS asleep, either just being there, or with my hand laying on him until his breathing changes. Sometimes this takes a long time (20, 30 mins), sometimes only about 5. If I am making a rod for my own back so be it, but he's only ateny bit older than your dd and if he can't rely on me to be there for him now if he needs me, when can he?

[Monkeybar]

ooops, I meant a teeny bit

[Monkeybar]

Also agree that it's no one's business other than yours. (Just be prepared for a lot of 'I told you so's' if you ask the same people for advice later down the line!!!)

[Dearbhla]

Elf1981, I totally agree with all the others. You do what works best for you and your children. I have two DD's one of 6 and one of 20 months and I had PND after DD2. My GP told me that every child is different and you have to do what you think is right which I always keep in mind. My DD2 is in a bed now since the weekend and I lie down with her until she is asleep. I did this with DD1 and now she has no problems, goes off to sleep after her story and we don't see her again until the morning, so there is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck

[oliveoil]

Do you know the advert for Shredded Wheat where the teenage girl is saying "and Sara's mum says this and Sara's mum is reeeeeallly cool"? Well, picture the mum's face when she says "good for her" in a non-interested annoyed way. That is the tone and expression you are looking for.

Both mine feel asleep on the breast or bottle - dd1 is a fantastic sleeper, dd2 is far from it so it doesn't make a difference imo.

[nailpolish]

oh God i LOVE that advert oo

[Spidermama]

Me too. The actress who plays the mum should get an Oscar for that line.