last night i wanted to cry, dread bed time now

[TheLadyVanishes]

dd won't go to sleep if we aren't in the room as soon as one of us leaves she starts screaming and i'm at my wits end. I started to do PU/PD and sitting at the end of the cot (and she would settle) did this for a week and moved further to the door she could still she me but she started screaming again. I just seem to spend most of the evening trying to get her settled and I'm don't like the idea of cc but i can't think of any other option. Any advice please

[sparkler1]

Sounds like you need a bit of time to yourself - can you get someone to watch dd for an hour or two today so that you are nice and refreshed ready for tonights challenge?
Even better see if you can get someone to try the bedtime routine for you and let you go out for a break.

[throckenholt]

I went through this with one of mine - I just had to sit on the floor in the darkened room - and as soon as they made a noise I would say quietly - "time for sleep" - very slowly I moved out of the room. It took ages to begin with but over a week or two reduced to nothing. It drove me mad - but it did work - you just have to keep at it and keep calm (both difficult !).

[Chandra]

In the case of DS, PU/PD only unsettled him more (it was as given him hope that he was coming into out arms just to put him down a few seconds afterwards. What worked for us was to stay with him for a few minutes, pat his back without taking him out the cot and avoid eye contact (for some reason the moment he cought our eye he went into fully awake mode). Apart of a calming "sh, sh, sh" along patting his back we didn't say other things (he wouldn't understand much either and I guess he would become interested and more awake trying to decipher the variety of interesting noises that works are) HTH.

[monkeytrousers]

How old is she Lady? I agree with both Sparkler and Throckenholt. I don't think there is any real solution other than just being there when she needs you..but I agree that just having a break can do wonders. Can you and DP take turns?

It's been such a long process with DS who's now 22 months. About two months ago I took the front off the cot and laid a mattress down in front to stop him falling out. Now when I put him to bed I lie with him and he cuddles me to sleep. But just very recently I've been leaving after he's settled but not asleep. I tell him I'm mummy's downstairs and he's not to worry. I'll be back if he needs me. It is a faff but he's slowly learnt to trust that he's not alone and is starting to be happy on his own.

It's a long road but I find it better that leaving him to cry. I enjoy the half hour rest actually. Sometimes he grizzles but I don't leave him if he's very upset. It just seems counterintuitive to me.

[monkeytrousers]

She's not teething either?

[tenalady]

How old is she? Depending on the age I would do the cc. If she is old enough to know she can get what she wants then she is playing with you. I assume she isnt unwell of course. It worked for my little headstrong ds after a few days.

[hermykne]

theladyvanishes
dont forget look at the whole day when building up to bedtime, when does she nap in the day and what time do you start the bedtime ritual.
it'll take maybe a week with whatevermethod you use, maybe longer , so odont give up, its hard but you'll do it.
when she day naps is it in the cot? if not where and how, and if it is does she settle in it then?

[TheLadyVanishes]

thanks all she is one, and she does have 2 top teeth on their way thro but earlier today i felt 2 more on the bottom coming thro but even without teething its always like this, her naps are usually 1/2 to 1hr morning and 1 1/2 to 2hrs afternoon. If i leave dh to do it he ends up chatting away to her so i end taking over again. Think I will press on with what we are doing and if in a week its not worked then i will do my research on CC