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Goes to sleep for Daddy (grrr....)

7 replies

Smee · 03/07/2006 21:13

DS (2), goes to bed, stays there and lets his dad leave the room. For me, he screams if I leave, needs "more milk" / "blanket"/ "nappy change", won't lie still, climbs out of bed, blah, blah.

  • yes, obviously I ignore him, do put back and quietly repeat, but then he just gets hysterical. Tonight I was calm and reasonable for so long, but when he started laughing at me, I lost it and yelled at him that I'd had enough - nothing more than that, but cue more hysteria and his dad having a go at me for speaking to him like that. Then dad takes over - and guess what - the little darling's asleep.
    So suggestions please - obviously I know it's best not to yell, and yes to stay calm, but what else?! + Just for info. dad's away four nights a week, so I guess DS is always far more likely to play me up than him - I think this probably all started from insecurity at his dad going away, but now he's definitely just trying it on...
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ilovecaboose · 04/07/2006 19:07

Don't have any advice really, but thought I'd offer sympathy as ds is the same. And Oh has just started working different shifts so 3 nights a week he won't be there. Hopefully someone will have some advice.

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Smee · 04/07/2006 20:10

Good to know I'm not the only one...! Have gone for a different approach tonight, though who knows if it'll work longterm.
We did normal bedtime ritual, which normally ends with a bit of milk in bed, and one final small story. But he wouldn't lie down even - which I have to say is a first. I wasn't sure what to do, so decided to leave him to it. Kept v.calm and simply said that when he was ready I'd come back and he could have his milk/ story. After five minutes of yelps and pleas (him, not me!) I went back and he was as meek as a lamb.

But then, usual stuff kicked off - "I want more milk", "I need nappy changed". I ignored him, but sat close so he wouldn't get hysterical. Did the no eye contact thing so he couldn't get a reaction. He raged around the bed for a bit, but when he saw that I meant it, he snuggled down by himself and miracles of miracles was asleep within five minutes. And yeah, okay I had to sit right by the bed, but I think I have to go with it for now and then slowly start to back out once he's realised bedtime isn't negotiable.
In truth I've probably made him think some things were up for grabs - I know I over compensated for his dad going away when he first started not to be here, but then he was genuinely upset. Actually now I think this is more about the fact that he's two and is finding out what the boundaries are. Apart from tying him down and gagging him/ drugging him, I suppose I have to let him work it out himself. I only have to keep cool, not show any reaction and remember that I'm in charge not him!
what d'you think? Good tactic/ bad tactic/ not a chance in hell of working..?

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ilovecaboose · 04/07/2006 21:56

Sounds like a good plan to me - I may nick some of your ideas!

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PrettyCandles · 04/07/2006 22:03

Sounds good. A different way of not rewarding his behaviur, without pushing him to tantrum. When the time comes for you to try leaving the room while he is still awake, you might like to try the tactic of "I'm going to the loo/put the beaker away/load the washing machine, and I'll be back to give you another kiss in a few minutes. Please wait lying down in bed for me/cuddle your bear until I return." or similar words. Then you go out for a few minutes and return to give him his last kiss. Verbal reward, and show pleasure if he has waited nicely in bed. That way he will know he can trust you to return and doesn't need to fuss. Then after some evenings of doing this you can gradually extend the time you're out of the room, until eventually you don't return. But of course in the mornign you tell him hwo you returned and he was asleep so you gave him a kiss. I've done this with dd, and it's very effective. The whole 'withdrawal' strategy took less than 2wks from begining to her falling asleep alone regularly.

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Smee · 05/07/2006 20:11

Might be jumping the gun, but he's in his room, awake but seemingly content to go to sleep by himself.
Interestingly tonight, I did the same thing when he started playing up - ie left the room and just said he could call me back for his final story/ milk, when he was ready and he called me back in seconds and lay down like a little angel.

  • then after the story he stayed there - tried nothing on. I sat there for ten minutes, and then did exactly as his dad does - gave him a final kiss, said I'd be back to check on him in a bit and here I am. YEAY! Will go back once he's been alone for five minutes and reassure him/ kiss him again.

    Tbh, I can't believe that this is the end of it - it's a one-off, but then it does show me and him that he can/ will do it. I promised him a sticker tomorrow morning if he went to bed like he does with daddy, so perhaps that's it. Who cares, eh..
    I'll let you know if it works, but fingers crossed and thanks for words of support! Honestly, if I can crack this, I'll feel like a new woman
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Smee · 05/07/2006 21:10

He's ASLEEP Though who knows what tomorrow will bring...

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PrettyCandles · 05/07/2006 21:44

Wa-hay! Keep it up - be boring, it works!

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