Well that went badly :(

(16 Posts)
JassyRadlett Sat 03-Aug-13 20:13:43

With pick up/put down you do your usual bedtime routine (invent a new one if you need it), put the baby into bed, pick them up if they cry and put them straight back down if they stop.

The 'official' version is here but I'll admit I didn't follow it exactly and did a 'softer' version - DS at over 8 months still needed to be picked up, calmed and then put back down rather than the version in the link. It worked, eventually - sons hiccups and regressions but much less traumatic and more productive than CC for us.

I think having DS in your room but not in your bed might be a good transition - can you bring his cot beside your bed so he can get used to it without being in room by himself so suddenly?

I also still swear by the white noise sheep which is a good sleep signal and still helps him to drift off.

Hoping you have a better night tonight - I agree you need more than one night a fortnight off.

UnevenTan Sat 03-Aug-13 18:52:31

Another option is to encourage more sleep during the daytime and see if our baby will happily stay up later.

Caring for a baby all day is full time work, where you are at someone else's beck and call 24/7. Don't kid yourself that you don't need wind down time just as much as him.

UnevenTan Sat 03-Aug-13 18:50:40

One option to avoid baby falling out of bed is simply to ditch the bed frame or base and pt our mattress flat on the floor. You could put a cot mattress alongside to give more room too. Bed rails can be useful, but once the baby's crawling it is more difficult.

This will pass, it is just a phase. At some point your baby will be able to go to sleep and stay asleep without you. I agree that if your dh can settle your dc in the evening, then one evening a fortnight is not enough. How about alternating nights?

AllIWant85 Sat 03-Aug-13 10:10:28

I have had blood tests done, they were all clear. DH works 6-6 and is on call 24/7 so the evening is often his wind down time. I would like more time off but I feel we have to find another way rather than what we are currently doing if that makes sense?

Jassy could you explain pick up put down to me please? That seems more gentle.

Alternatively would putting the cot mattress on the floor next to our bed be a good idea and then move the mattress slowly out of the room over time?

Thank you all for the support thanks

ShowOfHands Sat 03-Aug-13 09:42:43

Has your GP explored any other reasons for your symptoms? Because while sleep deprivation is terrible and can cause these symptoms (as can PND), they need to do some basic blood tests and rule out anaemia, thyroid issues etc.

I have a 22 month old. He still feeds to sleep and cosleeps and we go with it. His sister was still feeding to sleep until 2.4. We just make the sleeping environment safe and we all sleep well.

There are so many different avenues to try if you want to sleep train. Controlled crying is quite extreme to suddenly spring on a sensitive child.

Please don't punish yourself. You tried something which was recommended by a professional. It didn't work. You have not harmed your child.

One evening a fortnight nowhere near enough time off... could Dh do this every night or at least every other night? My DS was a horrendous sleeper, and DH doing the early part of the night so I could get 3-4 hours uninterrupted sleep saved my sanity. I'm assuming you do the rest of the night, so Dh would still get 11.30-morning, so not a bad deal for him!

JassyRadlett Sat 03-Aug-13 09:25:31

My DS was absolutely not built for CC. He just got increasingly hysterical.

Pick up put down was a godsend, especially when we were trying to stop feeding to sleep. Sometimes it feels like it will never end - one night it took at hour and a half.

But within a week it worked and he wasn't bouncing back up when put down, and was settling better when he woke in the night as well. For me, it was brilliant because one of us was always with him, and when he cried he got a cuddle.

bronya Sat 03-Aug-13 09:16:08

No solutions but you have my sympathy. We used to co-sleep and are now trying to get DS into a cot too! I have the cot next to my bed, cuddle DS to sleep, then transfer to cot. He goes to sleep at 9pm, wakes at 2am and then to get up at 7am. During the day he will happily go to sleep in the cot alone, but not at night!

AllIWant85 Sat 03-Aug-13 09:10:05

I will try and answer all questions. Sorry if I miss any...

Yes I have a DH. For the last 3 months I've had almost daily headaches, nausea, I am light and noise sensitive, and I just feel generally unwell most of the time. I am tired, I get about 5 hours sleep a night at best.

We coslept because that was the only way any of us got any sleep when DS was born. A couple of weeks ago DS fell off the bed for the first time. He was ok but it was a real shock for me, I didn't notice him wake up and he just crawled off. That plus the GP's diagnosis has kind of made me consider sleep training.

At the moment DS will only sleep if one of us is with him so at 8pm I go to bed with him. I bf him, he has a dummy and then goes to sleep fairly easily. If I was to get up and leave the room he would wake within 5 minutes and I'd have to start again. Between 8 and 11 he is restless. He'll be asleep but rolls over, takes his dummy in and out etc. At 11 he has another quick bf and then sleeps. It then takes me at least an hour to get to sleep myself. DS will sleep through until about 4 when he'll start the restless phase again until 7 when we get up. Nap times are an hour in the morning at 10 and an hour in the afternoon at 2 (if we are not out). Again for these I have to lay next to him, get up and he wakes. If we go in the car he might drop off but as soon as the engine stops, he wakes.

I get one evening every fortnight 'off' where I go out from 8 until 11:30 and DH goes to bed with DS.

I did try laying next to his cot a while ago but it took 2 and a half hours for him to settle and he slept for 40 minutes and was then wide awake. How does pick up, put down work?

Thank you for the virtual tea smile

SkinnyDecaffGiraffe Fri 02-Aug-13 23:08:32

Hi- I am doing it tonight too.

You haven't messed it up. Could be he was going to be sick anyway.

I am doing the same but staying in the room with Dd2.

It's hard hard hard.

Here for virtual cup of tea/ hand hold

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 02-Aug-13 23:04:54

Do you feel the lack of sleep is an issue or are you just feeling you have to sleep train because you've been told this is the best way?

Do you get more sleep when co-sleeping or not really?

You haven't messed up. It was worth a try, and now it's up to you how you want to proceed. Do you have a partner?

why not try gradual withdrawal or pick up/put down instead - both involve you staying in the room rather than leaving it. How does he normally get to sleep?

Shiraztastic Fri 02-Aug-13 23:01:34

No, you haven't. You did what you thought was right, based on opinions from health professionals. Your baby will be ok, and so will you smile.

You have tried this and know it doesn't work for you guys. So now you need some other options.

Can you tell us a little about night times and your headaches? It sounds horrid sad

AllIWant85 Fri 02-Aug-13 22:52:41

Have just laid down next to him and he's asleep already. Will get back up when I hear the washing machine do it's final spin.

Just feel like crying now sad I've messed this up so badly.

Shiraztastic Fri 02-Aug-13 22:42:09

1. Cuddle and feed baby
2. Get a second opinion from another gp.

You do not have to sleep train if it doesn't work for you and your baby.

AllIWant85 Fri 02-Aug-13 22:40:23

I went to the GP with headaches and got told sleep deprivation is causing PND so HV was sent round to teach me how to sleep train 12mo DS. She told me about 2 methods, CC and gradual retreat but advised that CC would be the best way for our situation.

We started tonight. I took DS into his room and bf him until drowsy. I then laid him in his cot, patted him and said goodnight and left the room. Went into the adjoining room and set the stopwatch. 2 minutes later (which DS had cried on and off through) I went back in to him (he was stood at the end of his cot) and I laid him back down, patted him and said goodnight. He was crying but as instructed I left the room and went back into mine and reset the stopwatch for 4 minutes.

1 minute in the cry became different and I realised DS was choking. I ran back into his room as he projectile vomited all over his cot and the carpet.

I've just spent the last hour and a half scrubbing carpets, blankets, toys, vest, Grobag, cot and matress. DS is now in our bed (as his matress is wet) still awake whilst I have to wait up for an hour for the washing machine to finish.

Grrrr angry

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