who will join me on cosleeping thread?

(103 Posts)
bytheseaside Fri 07-Jun-13 10:08:20

Is there a general thread to chat and share cosleeping experiences? if not, anyone else want one? Im often trawling through looking for advice on this or that aspect. i have 8mo, cosleeping initially from necessity (needed some bloody sleep!) and now we mainly love it: feeding has been great and she seems so happy. I would like to move towards own bed / room though, just no faith this is achievable! having been a bit 'high needs' shall we say, dd hasn't ever been able to self settle or sleep alone (hence cosleeping) except in car or short daytime naps and i just can't face going to bed at 7 myself: i would never eat or see dp, so she naps /wakes downstairs with us until late then she and i usually sleep late (well she does anyway). not ideal, and impossible with visitors/going away. But we do generally all get relatively decent amount of sleep. hmmm. Would really like to hear other peoples experiences.

Andcake Fri 28-Jun-13 14:33:59

THats ok bytheseaside smile
The 7-10 bit is tricky. But we sidecar our cot so their is a rail at the side top and bottom of ds iykwim- but typically he only ever moves one way! So we put lots of pillows around and keep the monitor up high. He hasn't fallen out yet.

somewherebecomingrain Fri 28-Jun-13 17:23:06

andcake I just thought that over attachment doesn't sound bad enough to produce murderers (tho I'm no expert)and thought your parents must mean something worse but fair cop they didn't! Makes their comment less logical but funnier and more sweetly absurd.

Yes seaside is right. i meant Some therapists see the symbolism of co sleeping as wrong because it seperates the adults, rather than it being 'sexual'. And the non-shrink version of this view is that 'it will stop you having sex'. You try shagging on 3 hrs broken sleep a night is what I say. (Or living with your mother in law as we do!) I just got sidetracked on to this - you weren't talking about this andcake

munxx I have put some effort in to getting dd to nap alone and spend the first bit of the night alone. Once or twice putting her down 20 times in a row. It doesn't always work but it keep the door open. It's about teaching them. DON'T believe the 'if you do it this way you will always have to do it this way' brigade. Babies easily change their habits - they are babies not OAPs! Consistency is important but where there are two parents with different views or it is a first baby there will be trial an error. It's not easy for you to get the change - it can be back breaking and v v boring - but you just need to find the right way or persevere and the baby will probably change (there may be some exceptions). IMHO.

Xxx

justwondering72 Sun 30-Jun-13 08:20:07

Hi all

I'm kind of late to the party as my boys are 5.5 and 2.5, but we co slept with both of them from birth. We were four in a bed for a long time after ds2 was born, and they both moved into a shared bedroom, own beds at Xmas last year. It has been strange having our bed back - well for a while, the 5.5 year old still comes in around 4am. Ds2 is bf and although he's night weaned, he wakes at 5am for a feed them back to sleep- I usually finish the night in ds1s empty bed! Musical beds indeed!

And cake... Is your mum French? We are living in France just now and I find some attitudes over here very different to the UK. One of these is the importance placed on 'la vie du couple' and that this should, in many ways, have as high a priority as the mother - child attachment. Also I think the French see independence and bonding instead with a peer group as much more important than in the UK. Anyway, my impression us that Californian style AP would be viewed with suspicion over here!

The single best thing we did re. Cosleeping was to buy a superkingsize bed- 180cm of bed plus a sidecarred cot = plenty of room for all!

Last thing. When I got fed up relying on the sling for naps (both mine were very big heavy babies) I fed them to sleep on our big bed and sneaked away. It meant they got a chance to practice sleeping alone and I could choose whether to co nap or go do something else.

Enjoy the cuddles!

Well, looks like DTS has cracked this sleeping alone thing. He's learnt to roll onto his tummy and boom, he's out cold! Feel asleep at 8-ish, woke at 5 for a quick feed and then up at 7! Remarkable!

I still had DTD in the bed most of the night as her skin is annoying her and she needs getting back over to sleep repeatedly overnight. But only one baby waking is such a luxury and so easy to manage in bed. Ad DH didn't have to get kicked out! Lovely!

somewherebecomingrain Sun 30-Jun-13 08:32:18

freebuttonbee what fab news! Pleased to wake up to it.

justwondering73 many things strike chord there - musical beds and sneaking away are v much part of my practice. Also feed them to sleep without agonising. Also big bed - sadly we 're in rented accommodation and have tiny standard double. Hence musical beds is big for us!

absentmindeddooooodles Sun 30-Jun-13 08:33:12

Hiya can I join in?

Have co slept with ds since birth. Like you op was out of necessity to begin with. He fed every hour day and night so was the only way for me to get some sleep. He has never Ben able to self soothe. I think he has fallen asleep withoute to king or holding him once in his life ( apart from in the car) he is 2.3.

I thought is never ever get him into his own bed..... But a few months ago we did it!! I still have to rock or cuddle him to sleep, then put him into bed, but it's an improvement! He still comes in about 5 or 6 most mornings, and sometimes in the night for cuddles which I love :-). Now just to get him to sleep earlier! He has just never needed much sleep , and I have a battle of epic proportions trying to get h to sleep before 1130 at night. Exhausted is not the word haha x

PoppettyPing Thu 04-Jul-13 12:11:58

I also read somewhere that babies who co-sleep have much less trouble sleeping as adults. I thought that was interesting! My mum co-slept with me and I've always been a great sleeper..<anecdote>

As for the marital bed/sex thing...is bed the only place you can have sex?? Love Somewherebecomingrain's comment about it being as sexual as having a cute puppy or kitten in bed with you! Ha!
This thread is great. I'm learning so much. And thanks Alikat for the advice and the links to AP! I can't wait til this babe is born and we can cuddle.

Gherkinsmummy Tue 06-Aug-13 17:35:34

Another happy co-sleeper here. Always planned to co-sleep, had a bed nest which proved useful for books, muslins etc. Then a side-carred cot. DS has just turned three, and has spent the last two nights in his big boy bed. I'm now sleeping on the floor in his room until he gets used to it. He has always been a very good sleeper, who often plays at going to bed during the day. We've been talking about his new bed for weeks, and he loves it - its a cabin bed and he loves climbing up and jumping down the ladder.

Clarella Thu 08-Aug-13 17:10:08

hooray! ill join! I need reassurance it's all gonna be ok this way!

<toddles off to read rest of thread>

ds is 8 months and only slept 2 hours at a time since he was 3.5 months due to uti, antibiotics, thrush, reflux and now just seems to be in the habit. probably all teeth coming at once too! (first appears to be a molar?!). so only way to cope grin

yellowtiledfloor Thu 08-Aug-13 17:28:44

I love cosleeping at night and sling napping by day. Would be totally happy if i were a sahm but starting to get very nervous about ds starting nursery. How are they going to get him to nap? Does anyone have any experience of this?

fertilityFTW Thu 08-Aug-13 17:47:21

Great thread! I'm a big fan of co-sleeping, being from a culture where it's the norm and to do otherwise would invite all sorts of negative commentary! I slept in my parents' bed myself till I was six months old and now I sleep with my DD in the spare/nursery room while DH gets our room to himself. We have a co-sleeper cot and she's an easy baby so falls asleep there, I take her into my bed during nursing sessions and she sleeps the last stretch with me (also because the sunlight hits her cot in the early hours and that way she avoids that). A bit woo-sounding I suppose but she also hasn't been exposed to much artificial light (simply put - no curtains on the windows in her room) and wakes with the dawn and starts getting sleepy at dusk like clockwork, which is I guess her circadian rhythm establishing itself.

I'm sticking with what I know based on the upbringing in my culture. This article talks about that - i.e. A cross-cultural sample of 90 traditional human societies identified not a single one with mother and infant sleeping in separate rooms: that current Western practice is a recent invention responsible for the struggles at putting kids to bed that torment modern Western parents. American pediatricians now recommend not having an infant sleep in the same bed with its parents, because of occasional cases of the infant ending up crushed or else overheating; but virtually all infants in human history until the last few thousand years did sleep in the same bed with the mother and usually also with the father, without widespread reports of the dire consequences feared by pediatricians. That may be because hunter-gatherers sleep on the hard ground or on hard mats; a parent is more likely to roll over onto an infant in our modern soft beds.

I don't judge other cultures/styles of parenting, I figure everyone does what they feel is best for their own. For me it is this - to have my baby close by when she is at her most vulnerable and give her the security of my voice, smell and touch when she wakes. I'm much clingier in this aspect than she is and it suits my lifestyle and fits my vision of the early years.

Clarella Thu 08-Aug-13 17:55:30

yellow I'm worrying about that, though ds will sleep in buggy which lies flat (out n about) so I've asked if nursery could use that for now. would lo sleep in a buggy?

yellowtiledfloor Thu 08-Aug-13 18:52:30

Good idea clarella. We don't have a buggy but am thinking about borrowing one to try. Are your nursery willing to push him to sleep? One nursery manager basically told me off for carrying him to much when I asked about sleep worries. I might just try and crack the cot without the intermediary buggy stage! !

Clarella Thu 08-Aug-13 20:02:19

yes, at the time (and still now a bit) he can get refluxy with teething dribble so nap quality is better slightly inclined (plus he doesn't go near cot anymore) so I asked them and they said yes. they said the girls have a variety of ways to get them to sleep inc. birthing balls! thing is I know he will panic in a cot, he'll be ok in the buggy. I'm tempted to lend my sling too....

yellowtiledfloor Fri 09-Aug-13 07:15:24

Ah Thanks. Feeling a bit better now.

Clarella Sun 18-Aug-13 20:40:55

just bumping as I feel this is a good source of advice and support for those who worry about cosleeping long term (like me!!)

Clarella Wed 21-Aug-13 10:36:36

http://cosleeping.nd.edu/frequently-asked-questions/

very interesting points esp research findings about self esteem near the end.

Monikita Fri 30-Aug-13 10:49:36

Hello co-sleepers!
We've been co-sleeping since DD's last tongue-tie revision so that she had free access to the boob and could put on weight (about 5mo). She's now 7.5mo. It was initially going to be a short term thing once her weight was steady. We moved her back and she was fine for a week and then she started waking up every 2 hours (sometimes every hour!) about 3 weeks ago.

Last night I tried PUPD which left her pretty distressed and after reading this thread I realised that there was nothing wrong with co-sleeping. DH, DD and I all get more sleep, I feel closer to DD (which I'll need when I go back to work full time) and it feels much more in tune with my instincts - my parents are Indian so it's normal in our culture.

I'd like to know though, what do you do if your lo wakes up and wants to play? DD woke last night at 3am - she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to crawl everywhere! It took us an hour to get her back to sleep!

Clarella Sat 31-Aug-13 15:26:46

hi monikita!

I recently had a 'I've failed as a parent' wobble and thought I should be sleep training but good friends and mn helped me see the light! I've had a bit of pnd and actually cosleeping has helped me to regain stronger feelings for lo plus my supply is quite low following stress and illness and I'm back at work next week so actually do want to feed at night unlike many!

but yes the playtime hour is when I think what am I doing?! I have always pretended to stay asleep as much as possible and he tends to get the idea it's sleep time however lo is not yet mobile so I don't know how that will work!

Monikita Mon 02-Sep-13 23:32:55

Hi Clarella!

Yes, I feel slight disapproval from my mil and lots of disapproval from my sil (she gave us the Baby Whisperer when I was pregnant which nearly ruined bf for us). I was so happy to see this thread and my mum (bless her) has been really supportive too. I just can't bear to train my baby and hear her cry so much.

Unfortunately for the playtime hour issue, DD is extremely mobile. The ignoring trick used to work but no more alas. Last night DH took her onto his chest and rocked her back to sleep - for some reason she doesn't take me seriously, even if I feed her. Although at one point last night her feeding strategy seemed to involve chewing on my nipple to relieve teething. [ouch!]

wolfgirl83 Thu 16-Jan-14 17:52:07

Bump! My son is now 8 weeks and we have had a co-sleeper cot (BabyBay) since birth, but I bought it partly cos I knew we would likely want to cosleep at least some of the time. I agree it is def a pricy bedrail/moses basket stand at least some of the time! Although it was pricey I think it was/is really useful to give you confidence starting out with cosleeping as seems like a safe option. Also gives us flexibility to transfer between cot and bed easily which I love. Currently he gets fed to sleep and put down in Babybay, then generally transfers to bed either when he wakes 10 mins later/after next night feed/in early am after DH has left for work, depending on how he settles! Also he sleeps in a sleeping bag so I can grab a corner and basically (gently!) drag him towards me for a feed which is great! smile I'd say anyone unsure if co-sleeping is for them should consider a co-sleeper cot as an option.

wolfgirl83 Thu 16-Jan-14 17:59:05

Also would love to know what other cosleeper parents dress babies in? As DS does time in the babybay most nights, we have him in a longsleeved vest only then a 2.5tog sleeping bag. He's a 'hot' baby so if he sleeps a long stretch in the babybay he has cold hands but neck/body toasty. However I do worry he might overheat when we switch to our bed? He now always goes between me and the babybay (not bet me and DH since I read up on it), and try to keep covers off but he does generally end up with duvet over his legs or even waist. Is that really bad? I've found I seem to sleep utterly still and wake in exact same position, like I've been playing that kids game sleeping lions, so not worried I'll squish him! smile

Brackla Thu 16-Jan-14 21:14:19

I've just read through this thread and wish I'd found it a month ago. DS is 6mo and hasn't slept in his cot for over a month: he used to start the night in there and come to bed with us about 10pm but since he hit 5mo he won't sleep longer than 40 mins without me/boob available. The part I find hard is the his-bedtime-to-my-bedtime stretch. I bf him to sleep in our big bed after his bath but I can then be in and out of the room all evening, wolfing down some dinner in between and getting DH to cuddle him if he wakes while I'm eating, or later, getting ready for bed, and often my solution is just to come to bed early with the ipad and a book (or my German homework! Learning the language of our new home city with a 6mo is....challenging!). But I figure (hope!) this will get better naturally in time.

Me and DH both love bedsharing though, and since keeping DS in here all night I'm definitely getting more sleep overall (I try to co-nap too. All helping) just wish DS could go a little longer asleep alone but hey, he's so wee, it won't last forever so I'm trying to just enjoy the experience. Our current problem seems to be trapped wind keeping him awake when he wakes to feed in the night (which is often,every 90-120 mins, usually more like 90). After a mammoth farting session, often only after some bicycling legs, he goes back to sleep but kills the lovely sleep/feed thing we had going on!

wolfgirl83 I gave up on the sleeping bag when I started feeding him to sleep in our bed, but before then, I'd take him out when he woke up for the feed that signalled he was coming into our bed, if that makes sense? He'd definitely have been too warm in that plus our duvet. He now sleeps under our duvet up to his waist, I keep it tucked down and it has never ridden up. I'm the same with the single sleeping position, that's the only downside so far, I do get aching hips from sleeping on my side with my arm round DS. How do you avoid putting your LO in the middle though? DS inevitably ends up there some of the night when I switch sides to bf.

wolfgirl83 Fri 17-Jan-14 13:29:46

Hmm, maybe the sleeping bag is too much then...

Brackla, still struggling with the breastfeeding a bit in terms of positions and latch, and what previously put me off feeding lying down was having to turn over and switch him over to feed - and you're right, then of course they have to be in the middle of the bed.

But this week I have tried feeding from both breasts but lying on the same side. Basically I lie on my right side (facing the edge of bed/babybay) and lie him on his side facing me to feed from right boob (one lying on the bed) - think this is the 'normal' way? To feed from left (upper, as it were) boob, I sort of raise up on one elbow, tilt him partly onto his back so he's looking up towards the nipple, and sort of latch him on from above, kind of dangling boob in his face, if that makes any sense! Then I sort of wriggle into a lying down position. So he's basically ending up in a similar position to feeding from right/lower boob, but just tilted slightly to face upwards more. It's not perfect as he can make my nipple a bit sore due to the angle but hopefully practise will help. It is a LOT easier than all that shifting around tho, I found. But due to some ongoing latch/fussiness/big boobs/slightly flat nipples issues, basically whatever position I feed in it's still rarely entirely comfortable/pain free, so maybe I have become resigned to low level discomfort! smile Also I had bad pelvic girdle pain/SPD during pregnancy that hasn't entirely gone yet, so I also get achy hips/pelvis/back from lying on side. But as I get much more rest this way, 'tired' beats 'uncomfortable' apparently! smile

Brackla Fri 24-Jan-14 19:34:10

Hmm, might try that tonight! And yup, I will definitely take uncomfortable over tired right now!

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