High Needs Baby Support Group (thread V)

(351 Posts)

A new thread for a new year! smile

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

Littlepige Mon 03-Jun-13 18:27:58

arseface my first reaction to reading your post was: this woman is incredible, you have twins, one HN, and they are ebf on demand. I hope enough people are telling you what an amazing job you are doing! I hope it goes well with the GP
My DS is nearly six months and something seemed to click about a month ago- he seemed more relaxed and smiley. We can manage short journeys in the car which is such a relief. The change seemed to coincide with us moving to a much sunnier part of the world...
As we have moved I lost my network of babies groups and echoing what others have said here... It is so much easier! No other babies to compare to! No leaving groups early or not being able to sit down because of the screaming! It feels a lot easier to just do what we are doing without constantly feeling like I am doing something wrong as everyone else's babies are so chilled out. Now, if we can just work on the hourly night waking...

Arseface Sat 01-Jun-13 02:28:28

Can I come and join you all?
I have 3month old non id twin boys and while one is a happy, sunny chap the other ticks all the HN boxes and finds daily life a real trial. It's tough as DT2 (easygoing) gets left on the play gym/bouncy chair cooing away to himself while I spend all my time calming DT1.

I also wanted to post as I'm living proof that it is nothing we are doing as parents making these babies demand so much from us. The DTs obviously had an identical antenatal environment, are both ebf on demand, had straightforward natural delivery and obv the same parenting from us.
One is the easiest baby you could hope to meet, his brother is inconsolable when not nursing or asleep!

Hope that helps when you're feeling judged with a screamer.

Am off to the GP on Weds as we're past the newborn stage now and I want to make sure there's definitely no way it's physical discomfort causing his misery.
Can't bear the idea that he's suffering chronic pain. He has even mastered being able to cry while feeding - you can hear him swallowing between each seperate wail!

CabbageHead Sat 11-May-13 14:38:18

PPS sorry if that post was incomprehensible its teh stupid word prompt on my iPad, if I had time I wld take it off, it's so annoying! Sorry about the gibberish everyone!

CabbageHead Sat 11-May-13 14:31:44

Oh PS the wedding made me laugh, because I refused to take DS anywhere as knew it wld compromise his sleep, but we went to a wedding when he was 8mths bits trial run... Left him with grandparents for evening, but had to leave wedding early, miss the good bits (drunken dancing), to drive back 2hrs to home. GP,s had managed to get him to sleep (god knows how!)

we got home at 12.30am to find DS happily wide awake in cot being entertained by his grandparents, poor grandma sitting on the floor hands thru cot trying to shush pat him, while grandad sang to him quietly while playing his ukulele!!!!!! Was so funny but painful!! He had been awake for 1.5hrs thinking it was a great lark! Little tyke!

CabbageHead Sat 11-May-13 14:23:55

Oh happydaze I'm so so sorry you have to go thru this... It truly is awful, the sleep deprivation and relentlessness of a HN bub cannot be underestimated. You def have a place on here to rant as much as you wish, I'm still ranting on here and although my DS is now 1yr old, he is still really hard work I am still in years, but the good news is I'm to in that horrible dark hole I was in from 4mths onwards...

i promise it will get better because as your DD is better able to interact and communicate with it, it will balance out a bit (I means will get smiles and fun, not just the relentless settling, etc). It's Mother's Day here tomorrow, and I can clearly remember how ironic I felt last year, finally a mother, something longed for so many years yet so unhappy!

And I heard EVERY SINGLE WORD U SAID...! The bit that resonates the most with me is to being able to do much because of the time it takes to feed, then settle battle HN bubs. My mothers group is great they don't care if I turn up late or leave early, but my inlaws don t getting at all.. Tomorrow for example DS will not have one nap because we are expected for Mother's Day celebrations in inlaws at 1.30pm which suits everyone up me of course! Wot they don't understand is I already battled DS all week due to some missed hours of sleep last week, and always takes about a fortnight to catch up, which I manage to by working my butt off all week only for the weekend or visit to grandparents to come around again, such catch 22..

I also have a messy house I seriously don't give a shit anymore, my sanity and resting became a major priority after I got really rundown and got shingles.. It was a big wake up call to how stressed I was. So now I rest whenever he is actually napping, just lie on my bed with my iPad, or lie n my bed eating snacks.. House remains a mess, DP picks up the slack.. It's only just the last month that I finally have energy because DS has starting mostly STTN so I have just started focusing on the house etc again.. My neighbours are elderly and they r so worried about me all the time they r so sweet . They can totally see the strain on me, and can also see how ugh needs DS is... Shame my inlaws can't but some people,are more perceptive than others I think... It's only now that he is older and more vocal that their starting to see what I'm going thru, as they r struggling to feed etc too ha ha! My friend the nurse used to say to me when he was young, laughingly when I was whingeing about inlaws not understanding, she wild say, ah just u wait until he is older, he is really going to stir the pot, and she was right!

I think hope ur dd will settle down a bit and feel more secure as time goes by.. DS was like this too, really clingy with me, and if we visited etc then the next day was payback with clingy out of control cranky anxious unsettled bub.. So tiring.. He had major sep anxiety until about 9mths then just grew out of it, now he is quite social as long as i haven't upset him with a nap time battle! Super sensitive !

I think there are 2things you need to do for ur sanity and health.. (Speaking from experience ) u need to get really pushy with doctors, do ur own research too (DP bought me an iPad, was a godsend, used it in room in dark while hand on DS for hours for nap time, did lots of my own research but also emailed my friends daily etc kept me sane)..

Sorry I digress, first off, u need to make sure there are no medical issues with DD.. If she had reflux, she could have ear issues and need grommets.. I have a close friend who is an ENT nurse who worked with reflux bubs, and swears most of them had issues with their ears.. Pls see RISA reflux website, good articles there, ESP about Eustachian tube irritation.. Also check for tongue tie, if she is frequently feeding is there a possibility that she is struggling to get the amount she needs? Or food intolerance? Or sensory processing disorder?

Can u offer her a bottle of formula? Maybe try weaning her onto formula and BM mix slowly.. We did bottle and BM and really helped me rest..

Next and more importantly, YOU need to seek help. You are under way too much strain and this has been ongoing and is not going to stop yet. You need to get ur self to GP and referred to counsellor if u r not seeing someone already. This isn't something u should be coping with on ur own. It's not ur fault or ur DD fault, but u do need to care for ur self as your DD is relying on you, no one else can do a better job than you in taking care if her.

But u probably need medication to take the edge off.. I am very anti drugs just because I'm a really natural person, even panadol, I only take one if really necessary.. I just like to be healthy that's all, but I take meds for Post natal anxiety and the reason I did, when I had the shingles and so run down, the GP gave me pain medication, which made me sleepy.

i couldn't believe how sleep deprived I was and how much I really needed that sleep, until after about 2weeks I started REALLY wishing I could take painkillers for ever ha ha! They just helped me go sleep and stay asleep. I realised I didn't want to become addicted to the painkillers, so when the paediatrician tentatively suggested I might think about PND meds I just said yep give them to me right now! Lol! I still get stressed and cry more than usual, but I don't feel guilty or bad about it, my DS is really hard work, I know that I'm am such a strong person and if I am struggling then he is hard work.

Sorry if this was long but you deserve someone to listen to you and reply in length because I can hear how u r at breaking point. I got DS into sleep school, at 4.5mths I was really struggling, so I made emergency call to the inlaws to help out in anyway they could, make food etc, my SIL couldn't understand why I couldn't make dinners etc cos she had an easy baby lol! Sleep school didn't help DS unit did help me by meeting other mothers with 'normal' unsettled babes, we bonded deeply and shared so many stories and laughs. We also got a break because the nurses took over a lot of the settling, and all our food was cooked for us.. That made the ingest difference, just having to not worry about making food for ur self or bub..

Anyway stay posting here with us, you are definitely not alone.. Sending you hugs, warm milk with nutmeg, magnesium and lavender for calming, and a foot massage for relaxation... flowers

happydaze77 Fri 10-May-13 17:06:55

Hi, I'm sorry this post is so long but I just need to talk to someone. I hope you don't mind me joining you. I'm currently at my wits end with my 6 month old dd.

She's always been a high needs baby, right from the start. She breastfed almost constantly for many weeks - so much so that whenever anybody came to visit I was stuck feeding them in front of them and nobody got to hold/cuddle her, even dh. We did try but she would literally go purple and scream. Looking back it was probably a lot of comfort suckling, rather than feeding, as she was quite a windy and refluxy baby. The witching hours were particularly hard -I used to joke (back when I still had a sense of humour) that I thought babies woke you up at 4am, not kept you up until 4am!?

Anyway, that's in the past now (thankfully), but overall I feel like things are getting harder, not easier. She has never been a good sleeper but she started really fighting sleep at around 6-8 weeks and we had to resort to walking her in the pram 4 times a day - sometimes walking for two hours just to get a measly half hour nap out of her. I lost all my pregnancy weight and then some - which was great at first but I am now bordering on underweight. Now she has outgrown the pram, doesn't nap in her pushchair, and still fights naps at home as much as ever. We have tried everything - swings, white noise, blackout blinds, lightshows etc etc, and I think we've read every sleepsite/high needs baby site too.

All my antenatal buddies have babies that just nod off as and when, so they can spend the afternoon hanging out together having coffee, or going to baby groups, while I have to make up more and more excuses each time they invite me. I have tried to go out with her, really I have, but as dd is only happy being awake for a couple of hours, our window of opportunity to get there/be there/get back is just too short. Add to that the fact that she will now only breastfeed well at home as she is so distractible, the introduction of solids 2-3 times per day, and the time taken to settle her for a nap, and that window quickly shrinks to nothing. Also, she isn't the type of baby to sit happily on your lap or in the pushchair, while out. Last time I met my fellow new mums, they all ordered and ate their food while I stood jigging my dd on my hip, looking on hungrily while they ate. I felt like everyone in there was staring at me as I was stood up with dd. I'm so bored and lonely stuck at home all day. I have thought about inviting them over to mine but I am so ashamed of how difficult a baby she is. I feel like it reflects badly on me as a mother. Also, my house is a mess as I cannot even find time to shower or cook a meal, let alone clean the bathroom!

My husband has been very supportive but I don't think anyone appreciates how unhappy I really am. I love dd to bits but some days my feelings towards her consist or either resenting her, or feeling desperately sorry for her (it's not her fault after all). I just wish I had a normal baby. I can't even take a break and let someone else look after her as she still breast feeds every couple of hours and nobody other than me can settle her for a nap - the longest I have ever left her for is about 90 minutes when I got a (much needed!) hair cut. I've tried espressing but haven't had much luck - especially as dd feeds so often there is very little opportunity to use the pump, and when I have it has left her short. I've even considered getting up in the night to do it but I am soooo tired I can't face that. DH and I have been invited to a wedding in 4 weeks time and there is simply no way we can go, which is depressing. Other people seem to be able to get out and about, with or without their baby but I seem capable of neither.

At my lowest points I have even considered suicide - I have a goodbye letter already written on my pc. I don't think I ever would though, as I love my dh and dd too much, but it scares me to think that I might.

Sorry this just sounds like a selfish rant. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks for listening.

CabbageHead Mon 06-May-13 12:33:30

He could just need u being there as reassurance, but if he screams in car/buggy he either doesn't like being confined or could have reflux, tummy issues as that position squishes their oesophagus, belly makes it really uncomfortable if they have this problem.

Re bedtime, I found with DS that it wasn't so much being OT, that was an issue but DEF overstimulated to the max.. He just couldn't handle much stimulation, I ended up turning off sound (tv or music) even during the day cos t wld make him fussy... (I too had visions of peaceful happy baby listening calmly to classical music...ha ha ha) even complex classical music irritates him. We have a creative household and so visually I know this has been an issue for him as we have lotsof junk stuff on display, so I think he was very overwhelmed by end of day..

Even now he still gets very overstimulated easily, because he takes much more in than the average baby it's like it has nowhere to go.. Then he can't calm down... Kind of like when u go shopping all day then go norm and the lights action is still in your head.. So I have learnt to let him play for a while, then take him outside or read or something like that to quiet him down in intervals then play again...etc.. It gets hard when family etc want to play with him cos they are totally oblivious to it.. But he will always signal to me that he has had enough and I have to be the 'control freak' and take him out of that situation.

The fussy baby book was def a help, and dr sears website of course and troublesome tots website is good too.. Found that one recently..

Ha ha DS used to spit his dummy out as far across the room as possible, it wld be bouncing off the walls, little tyke.. Now he has become VERY attached to it all of a sudden Hrumph! Typical!

Is ur DS wrapped? That helped so much wrapping arms by side as he wld escape otherwise.. I had him wrapped for a long time, but then he didn't learn to roll for a long time so I was lucky.. Have u tried putting him in cot on side and rocking his body, patting his bum? This works for DS now, but it didn't work at the start but maybe I didn't persevere enough.

CabbageHead Mon 06-May-13 11:36:17

Ha ha there could possibly be a link between High needs bubs and analytical mummies! It's just that u r consumed by the necessity of settling ur LO so try and think of every possible solution that's all... I have been accused of that and being controlling etc.. But I know I simply want to rest and want DS to rest as well!

I had a sling like baby born carrier at first, they are horrible to wear all weight on ur shoulders and back, and they are ergo incorrect for bubs cos their legs shouldn't dangle down like that put all their weight in crotch area bad for hips etc.. U might find a cheap one on eBay..

Yeh as I speak da is hyped up cos daddy took him for a walk to wind him down but he ALWAYS goes too long so now DS has his second wind and won't go down til after 9pm but will wake early still and ver 24hr period he loses more and more sleep until he is waking up all nite again, yawning but unable to get back to sleep. Drives me crazy when I know it's preventable but my OH has time management issues to the extreme!sad

I wld def try bringing bedtime forward, what time is his last nap? DS has always gone down between 6and 7pm.. Normally he is 7 to 7 sleeper if he is all good and not OT which is hardly EVER!!!! If I think he has had crap naps I will try and put him down earlier, makes such a difference.

Gotta check my omelet I'll be back.. smile

dribbledon Mon 06-May-13 09:41:04

Thank you so much. It really helps to hear from someone who's been there. I will definitely look at other slings. We have the baby Bjorn miracle carrier but it's a bit awkward as his legs are so long they almost reach my knees and this can wake him up when I go upstairs!

He def gets over tired in the evening and is a nightmare to get to bed when he is. I always thought bedtime would be this cosy, relaxing time and it's just a battle. Everyone keeps saying how it will get easier but...! I do his bath about 6 & then he's usually asleep by 8. My mum thinks I should bring bedtime back a bit to try and stop his current 4am-I'm-ready-to-play habit but I have thought about doing bath earlier so that he settles quickly. 2 hours of screaming-feeding-screaming in the dark with Ewan the musical sheep for company is quite depressing in this lovely weather!

I'm interested in what you say about being over-tired causing early waking. I think this may be the case with my DS. Well meaning friends have said not to worry if he doesn't sleep much in the day ad he'll sleep better at night, but the opposite seems true for him.

I will also look at the reflux website. It's something I had wondered about as when he wakes at 3-4am he grunts and thrashes around & doesn't seem to be wind. That said, the last few nights I've co-slept with him and he's dropped off almost straight away. Doesn't even want my finger to suck (why oh why won't you take a dummy or suck your thumb?!) which makes me think he isn't in physical discomfort. DH says I analyse everything too much

CabbageHead Mon 06-May-13 01:25:39

Firstly stargirl I'm so so damn excited for u!!!!yay!!! After all that ur poor bub is finally sorted... All the screaming and discomfort was down to medical reasons and it shits me so much that it took so long for your appointments to come up, so your family and poor bub suffered so much in meantime! Absolutely ridiculous! Anyway I'm so glad it's all good! Enjoy!

dribbledon u r def in the right place, come and tell us all about it anytime as we have ALL been there and NOONE can really understand wot u r talking about unless they have had a similar experience. Totally get everything u have posted about, been there...

Ur DS is very young, so that first 3mths is hideous torture... I don't even remember it it was so traumatic.

Main things is try and get DS sleep as much as possible as OT HN bubs are so so so difficult to settle. He is prob still in colic stage too, so just do whatever u can to get him to sleep. We played white noise REALLY loud... Experiment with diff ones, happiest. Baby on the block worked for me, the awful womb music calmed him enough to focus on me shushing patting him in my arms then...

Def get him checked out for reflux or silent reflux if u suspect it is possibly a problem.. (see RISA reflux website).. Or could be reacting to dairy via ur breastmilk?

Get a better sling... I had a wrap one, once he got too heavy I got a manduca carrier (or ergo) much better ergonomic ally, better weight distribution on ur hips not ur shoulders, and can be worn, side, front, back and up to toddlers.. Really worth the money.. I figured out too late that if I walked DS before bedtime in sling was so much easier to get him settled for bed...Also had to move bath time forward, none of this, put baby in bath to relax them...Nuh uh!!! Too exciting in bathtub!

I couldn't do naps in buggy or car So rocked and let him sleep upright on me while I very carefully lowered myself into chair, every time he wld wake stir I would jump up again until he fell asleep again ridiculous stuff! In hindsight I really wish I bought a mechanical swing, because lotsof the mothers in my m group did and I really think it helped bubs transition to cots and get off their mummies, give mummy a break, and most importantly break the OT cycle!

Yeh the rock til asleep then slowly transfer only works until a certain stage then they r just too aware of what u r doing, so try another method as this one won't work foreva, same as feeding to sleep wont work either they just get too clued up!

We had to and still have to feed in quiet dark room otherwise it's too distracting.. Don't feel bad about not going to groups u just need to do woteva u can to survive yourself, people put u under so much pressure to do groups and they do make u feel so much better but I worked out not to compromise on DS nap times so just missed a lot of groups or came later or before and didn't stay that long... Everyone understood I had the difficult one and were really good..

Even now DS is 1 yr old and I'm still trapped at home at nap times ur I wld rather that than end up with him awake at night unable to go back to sleep because he is too OT from day before ( such as his 3am waking this morn) back later DS awake early grrrrr

dribbledon Sat 04-May-13 14:32:11

Hi

Starting to think DS & I meet the criteria for joining this thread...was in fact pointed out by some other mumsnetters when I posted on the sleep forum yesterday. Before then, had not heard of HN babies.

DS is 11 weeks & from on the day he was born the midwives commented that he would be 'hard work' and asked if I had a sling as I would need it! I had forgotten this TBH until recently. He is a complete nightmare to settle. He fights sleep with ferocious intensity, getting over tired and cranky. The only place he will reliably nap is on me in the sling, but at 15lb I'm not sure how long I can carry that on for. He hates the buggy and the car. Today I tried an alternative to his nap in the sling. So I spent an hour trying to get him to sleep on me, and then lying on the bed next to me. He is EBF and refuses a dummy but will suck on my little finger, so we tried that. After an hour he was just screaming so I gave up. We played for a bit, then he fed and was then yawning so we went out in the car and he screamed do much he was sick. We came home and he fed again, this time to sleep. Arms were floppy so I very slowly transferred him onto bed next to me and eyes ping open and he starts screaming. Starting to worry about what this spells for bedtime, I put him in the sling with White noise and after 30 minutes rocking he is finally the a-word (I don't want to jinx it!)

He similarly takes ages to settle at bedtime-over 2hours at least. He has recently reduced waking from every 2 hours to 3, but is really hard to settle in the second half of the night and the other night stayed awake from 3am til 8am. I sometimes co-sleep but do worry about it and get little sleep myself when I do.

In the daytime he can be engaging and delightful, and seems ahead of his milestones but hates being held by anyone other than me. He manages about 5-10 mins with DH. He feeds frequently in the daytime but seems sensitive to any noise and will stop feeding if I talk. It's like we both have to focus 100% on the task in hand. He won't take a bottle of expressed milk-not that I have the time to express. We have stopped going to groups as he screams and I end up forcing back tears til we're out the door when I hear other mums describe how their LOs have slept through from 4 weeks. I have stopped asking other people where and how their baby naps as they look at me like I'm crazy. He is happiest at home, with me, all day but it's so draining with little night sleep (not the worst on here though, I know) I feel I should be out, doing more by now and have blamed myself for not coping but am starting to think he is HN.

Sorry for such a long rant. Just sometimes feel I can't take much more, but then immediately feel guilty as he is beautiful and healthy and so many of my friends have infertilty problems & we are so lucky to have him. I have to go back to work at the end of August and have no clue how I will do this. Family members are already saying that no childminder will have him, and I am also starting to feel that I wouldn't want a childminder to have him as they may not understand him. But then I feel bad labelling him in this way! I would love to just have even 20 minutes where he is asleep during the day and I am not having to invest huge amounts of energy into keeping him that way. Can anyone help ?! Many thanks x

dribbledon Sat 04-May-13 14:25:38

Hi

Starting to think DS & I meet the criteria for joining this thread...was in fact pointed out by some other mumsnetters when I posted on the sleep forum yesterday. Before then, had not heard of HN babies.

DS is 11 weeks & from on the day he was born the midwives commented that he would be 'hard work' and asked if I had a sling as I would need it! I had forgotten this TBH until recently. He is a complete nightmare to settle. He fights sleep with ferocious intensity, getting over tired and cranky. The only place he will reliably nap is on me in the sling, but at 15lb I'm not sure how long I can carry that on for. He hates the buggy and the car. Today I tried an alternative to his nap in the sling. So I spent an hour trying to get him to sleep on me, and then lying on the bed next to me. He is EBF and refuses a dummy but will suck on my little finger, so we tried that. After an hour he was just screaming so I gave up. We played for a bit, then he fed and was then yawning so we went out in the car and he screamed do much he was sick. We came home and he fed again, this time to sleep. Arms were floppy so I very slowly transferred him onto bed next to me and eyes ping open and he starts screaming. Starting to worry about what this spells for bedtime, I put him in the sling with White noise and after 30 minutes rocking he is finally the a-word (I don't want to jinx it!)

He similarly takes ages to settle at bedtime-over 2hours at least. He has recently reduced waking from every 2 hours to 3, but is really hard to settle in the second half of the night and the other night stayed awake from 3am til 8am. I sometimes co-sleep but do worry about it and get little sleep myself when I do.

In the daytime he can be engaging and delightful, and seems ahead of his milestones but hates being held by anyone other than me. He manages about 5-10 mins with DH. He feeds frequently in the daytime but seems sensitive to any noise and will stop feeding if I talk. It's like we both have to focus 100% on the task in hand. He won't take a bottle of expressed milk-not that I have the time to express. We have stopped going to groups as he screams and I end up forcing back tears til we're out the door when I hear other mums describe how their LOs have slept through from 4 weeks. I have stopped asking other people where and how their baby naps as they look at me like I'm crazy. He is happiest at home, with me, all day but it's so draining with little night sleep (not the worst on here though, I know) I feel I should be out, doing more by now and have blamed myself for not coping but am starting to think he is HN.

Sorry for such a long rant. Just sometimes feel I can't take much more, but then immediately feel guilty as he is beautiful and healthy and so many of my friends have infertilty problems & we are so lucky to have him. I have to go back to work at the end of August and have no clue how I will do this. Family members are already saying that no childminder will have him, and I am also starting to feel that I wouldn't want a childminder to have him as they may not understand him. But then I feel bad labelling him in this way! I would love to just have even 20 minutes where he is asleep during the day and I am not having to invest huge amounts of energy into keeping him that way. Can anyone help ?! Many thanks x

stargirl1701 Fri 03-May-13 20:37:46

Hello folks. Update. All is well! grin We saw the paediatrician and she seems to have sorted out DD's meds - both for the silent reflux & eczema. Within 48 hours, DD was sleeping with just one wakening overnight! That has now disappeared too and she is sleeping through from 7.30pm till 6.30am. She will go down for naps but the length is still variable.

Thank you all so much for your support. I think I might have ended up with PND without the support I got on Mumsnet.

CabbageHead Sat 27-Apr-13 12:48:15

Hi everyone, how r u all going? * absent* I just read some great stuff yesterday about HN toddlers... Didn't save the links sorry, but mostly everyone is saying get the 'raising your spirited child' book, seems to be the most effective.. Also have a look at fedup.com.au and read some of the parents comments, amazing what food additives and preservatives are doing to our kids behavior.... Hopefully something with those might help you...

DS has just turned 1, had his party today... He is STTN mostly now never thought it would happen, waking a bit hungry I think ur mostly exhausted from walking.. Day naps are a fight always he just can't or won't wind down... I have been rocking him to wind him down it's just faster than wasting an hour of my time shushing patting etc... So tiring either way... Once he can handle one nap it won't be so bad, my body aches everyday!

Still the upside for you mums with younger ones, is the settled nights and DS has become much more affectionate of late, really snugly with us, and much more social... Just want to give u hope! Still a nightmare at every mealtime, I have a box of distractions to get thru every meal! As well as many on the changeable. They are just such vocal and determined little creatures!

My SIL said today, well he went down easy for his nap... (while I gritted my teeth and tried not to snap 'yes that's Because I bloody rocked him in sedation for 20 mins and he was so tired becos he only had one nap today so I will pay for it for the next fortnight'!!!! Why bother there is No way she gets it...

Type A personalities is what the sleep nurse told me HN bubs are... Great lol!

Well the cake was lovely, bought one. As no time to make, but i decorated it in grass and flowers with DS crawling looking for ants... Was v cute and tasty! We had a nice day in our backyard with friends and family.

absentmindeddooooodles Wed 24-Apr-13 13:17:13

Hi Natmu. Thank you for the reply. I haven't had a look at the book, so may have to go get myself a copy! Yes distraction plays a huge part in our day! I literally have to have a bag of toys pens paper and snacks to hand regardless of the situation! I swear ds is going to turn in to a cherry tomato if I distract him with many more. Haha. Would love some ideas on discipline if anyone has any? The naughty step seems to be working (sometimes ) but other than that it ranges between me trying to explain to him, and ask him nicely not to do said thing again, to ignoring him, or if its a particularly awful day, trying for hours tongetna result, and ending up shouting at him. These situations usually end up with me being the one in tears while ye carries on causing whatever havoc he thinks is hilarious at the time. The joys eh?!

Natmu Wed 24-Apr-13 00:32:07

Welcome absentminded. You certainly are in the right place. Hand holding aplenty here. You sound like you're going through a really tough time. I think most people's LO's on here are a bit younger than your DS but I'm sure all the same rules apply.

Have you had a look at Sears and Sears The Fussy Baby Book? It's got some really good tips for dealing with HN children and also how to discipline older ones. I haven't read that section fully yet but it looks like it's going to be useful when DS gets older. From what I've read distraction is a key player in all this. I'm certainly learning that we can't do much with DS without numerous toys etc to hand.

Stick around and I'm sure someone will have some bright ideas. Good luck.

absentmindeddooooodles Tue 23-Apr-13 13:53:43

Just wondering if I could come and have a chat???:-) not so sure I'm in the right place as ds is 2 now, but from skimming through this he is definitely a hn baby!! Now he's older sleep is really improving but good god the day times are definitely worse! Don't get me wrong, he is the loveliest little boy (sometimes) but I literally cannot take him anywhere without a massive scene or some kind of issue verging on world war 3 proportions!! He WILL NOT stay still or do as he's told or co-operate in any way. I must be holding him at all times, day and night, and neither walking nor the pram is at all acceptable in his eyes! I don't really know how to explain the extent if it all. What I've written sounds to me like normal toddler behaviour, but honestly every other parent/family member/passer by just gives me either the pity look and days wow you've got your hands full there, or does the disapproving you obviously cannot discipline your child thing. Just wondering if anyone else has any experience of anything like this. Am a stay at home single mum, so it's really bloody exhausting tbh! I thought he wa displaying some ADHD traits, but hv says he's just a very hn child and will be hard work for a few years. Please come hold my hand!!!

CabbageHead Wed 17-Apr-13 13:08:19

Ha ha * nightmoves* I very nearly ran over a pedestrian at a crossing after mothers group once! DS was screaming in the backseat and I mistook the green walk sign sign for a green light for me... Oops... Lucky I was just outside the hospital if I had flattened him... Poor bloke gave him such a fright! Sleep dep is def disastrous...

My DS is 1yr tomorrow and is just starting to STTN mostly (over the last fortnight!) it's only taken 12mths of torture! Day naps are still a long drawn out battle every single day. But I am not complaining, finally catching up on sleep. I just try and wear him out with all the walking as much as possible.

The transition to one nap is hideous, still trying for 2each day as he needs it cannot survive on 1.20 min sleep per day, too cranky and then night waking..still can't sleep anywhere but at home.. Such is life..

I gave up on sleep training.. have been successful in past and know DS can go to sleep by himself but he cannot wind himself down still, so it's either shush, pat to sleep, at present even have to rock him during day to get him down, but that's because oif transition, but if I leave him in room to self settle he just jumps up and winds himself and wakes himself more so it's very tricky this phase. I just do woteva it takes and hope he will settle down once the novelty of walking wears off... hmm

I cannot believe I have just survived a whole effing year of this shite! He better be a good teenager or else!!! There is no way in hell anyone else could possibly understand what we have to go thru each day. I think it's a total miracle. Flowers and champers for us all!!!!! wine flowers

Nightmoves Wed 17-Apr-13 01:18:00

<sneaks in red-faced about appalling absence from MN forums>

Hello all! So glad youre all still here. Just checking in. DS sleep STILL rubbish and now we are 12m. He had been building up to some longer stretches but this week it's either teething or sleep regression as he is up all the bloody time. DH on a course this week and getting pelters like its all my fault. Ditto with the sleep training pressure. Am starting to consider it. Took wing mirror off car the other week, am asking myself if lack if sleep might have played a part???

Natmu Thu 11-Apr-13 03:24:01

Why is it that life always feels the need to redress the balance like that? You get a good night then SOMEONE has to pull the rug from under your feet again. I hope you get back to STTN quickly!

Things all the same as usual here. Rubbish sleep. Pressure from DH to start sleep training. Ho hum!

CabbageHead Wed 10-Apr-13 12:54:28

Ha ha ha, I had a crap sleep last night, had too much dairy spent half the night coughing... And spent at least 2.5hrs this arvo getting DS to nap... So... Very...annoying... Ended up refusing to give in and had to rock the little tyke to sleep!

Hope u all have a good day smile

CabbageHead Tue 09-Apr-13 10:45:08

Hey all, hey tickle Chichester is gorgeous place, I have a friend that lives there, few generations I think, such a nice place... Enjoy! And take care of yourself post relocation recovery!!!! DS should sleep well as its quiet (once u are in ur own home!) my DS slept best time of his life when we stayed with friend out in sticks (country) because it was so so quiet amazing. The difference it made to him...

Hey GUESS WHAT EVERYONE???......!!!!!

NO I'm DEFINITELY NOT PREGNANT HA HA HO HO...NOT ON UR LIFE!!!!

DS STTN last night!!!?..'!!!M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! YES IT'S TRUE!!!!!!!!

That's 3times in his nearly 12 month life!!!!! (all other bubs in my mothers group have been STTN from about 5 mths ... HO hum! WotEVA!!!!!

Doncha love love love learning. To walk... So much activity wearing them out... I have had 2nights of 6hours of sleep... Unblinking real...!!! I feel like a new person... So funny cos all this time I kept thinking I must take more vitamins, I constantly feel worn out... Today loads of energy, can't believe what a difference sleep makes to ur energy levels. (let alone cognitive thinking!!!)

Let's not get too excited... We did also have 2days this week of nightmarish loooooong night wakings... BUT STTN... I mean STTN.....!!!!
OMEFFING G...!

Sorry not bragging just in shock and awe at my creature....

Hope we all have a good night tonight... Even a half decent night is acceptable!

<brings in ginger gems with sparkly sticky jam centres and so soft pikelets with loads of cream and jam>

Natmu Mon 08-Apr-13 19:43:55

Tickle! Nice to see you!

Glad to hear the move went well. I'm very jealous of your peace and calm. We have a five year plan to move out from the big smoke to the country. Can't come soon enough.

Hope DS settles down for you quickly.

ticklemyboobsofsteel Mon 08-Apr-13 14:01:58

<peeks in> <waves>

Hello all. Sorry there are such tough times being experienced on so many levels sad Sending you all hugs and hoping things look a bit more positive for you soon.

We've just moved to Chichester, and are almost settled in now. DS's sleep has gone a bit backwards (but it would do, I guess, as it's all so new for him and there's a fair bit of noise in the flat in the evening, which he's not used to) but he did much better last night. I feel shattered though, DH and I did all the heavy lifting ourselves... next time, we are paying people to do it for us! It nearly killed me.

It's sooo lovely here though, so peaceful (not counting the door-banging herd of elephants that live upstairs!) and clean. We're hoping - finances permitting - to buy somewhere next year, as I hate renting - but it was a necessary evil to enable us to get here so I can get past it for now...!

Anyhoo, take care ladies.

<yawns, rubs eyes, tries to concentrate on work - fails miserably>

Natmu Mon 08-Apr-13 04:46:33

Thanks MXP. I try and remember how far we've come already and what he was like as a newborn to help myself realise that we are making progress. I guess the progress is so minutely slow that it's hard to see it day to day.

Thanks for supportive words everyone.

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