Is it true that many of the most heated(or even unpleasant) MN debates are to do with babies and toddlers?

[tigermoth]

OK, I know that religion, in-the-news topics, smacking older children, food, private versus state schools threads have all seen heated discussions..... BUT

How does this compare with discussions on weaning, breast versus bottle, caesarian, circumcisim, controlled crying etc. In fact many of the things concerning babies and toddlers?

If you had a heatometer, would the baby and toddler discussions score much higher than other discussion topics? If so, why is this?

I sometimes feel I inhabit a peaceful backwater here on mumsnet being a mother of older children and not reading the baby and toddler threads much.

[pooka]

I wonder whether it's because parents of toddlers and babies (including me) are still rather raw about their decisions and choices. Still finding their way? I am!

[NappiesGalore]

yep. by the time theyre a bit older we're all burnt out and cant be arsed to argue any more

[colditz]

Because of the stress of raising them, of course! Mothers of babies and toddlers get less sleep, less free time, less proper, muscle stretching exercise, and a heap more low level grinding stress.

[AitchTwoOh]

in addition to what everyone else has said, i wonder if it's because that stage comes before anyone else (nursery/school/the child/peers/tv/mags etc) has any major influence?

so if someone says 'i think that x is wrong and shouldn't be done' then it's easier to read it as 'i think that you are a bad parent' because at that stage you are the one taking all the decisions, maybe? it's an interesting thought, though... (the one about getting more sleep in the future, i mean...)

[MerryMarigold]

I think it's because many of the people in the baby/ toddler threads are first time mums which means
a) their babies are PFB's and
b) they are fairly insecure about motherhood

This equals being very opinionated about it - my way is best because I cannot tolerate thinking I am not doing THE BEST for my very precious child. And if your way is not my way then I will HAVE TO disagree.

I speak as a first time mum of course!

[MerryMarigold]

I think it's because many of the people in the baby/ toddler threads are first time mums which means
a) their babies are PFB's and
b) they are fairly insecure about motherhood

This equals being very opinionated about it - my way is best because I cannot tolerate thinking I am not doing THE BEST for my very precious child. And if your way is not my way then I will HAVE TO disagree.

I speak as a first time mum of course!

[PerfectMother]

Definitely, you can feel a bit raw if you feel there is (real or perceived) criticism of your choices for your child.

Plus you're knackered .

Then some old hand who's been there, done that, comes in and goes "get a grip, don't be daft, for fark's sake" and it all goes utterly Pete Tong

[hotbot]

yes being a mum is the hardest thing i have ever done......ever...ever

[motherinferior]

I think that at the moment the most inflamed threads are about sleep and about food. Sleep is definitely the New Childbirth, IMO, and at least part of the reason the debate gets so ahem heated is because at least half the posters are insane with sleep deprivation (they're the ones arguing against any sort of intervention whatsoever in their tormenters' sleep).

[Tamum]

I wonder if, in addition to a lot of the other good points here, it's because so many issues surrounding babies and toddlers are polarised into two extreme choices? Controlled crying/co-sleeping, breast/bottle, disposables/terries, smacking/no smacking and so on. I know I'm over-simplifying, but there are so few intermediate positions compared with things like politics, it's much less nuanced. And of course people feel so strongly and often feel a need to justify their own choices.

[AitchTwoOh]

or else, tamum, it's actually incredibly nuanced but because it's a chat forum a single poster can come along and be contentious (whether through belief or for sport) and then the debate becomes polarised about that one point, which makes a nonsense of the earlier discussion.
we are limited by the fact that if someone is rigourously sticking to a misunderstanding or untruth then everyone 'pro' a certain thing is then on the back foot trying to explain it. but that's chat forums for you...

[NadineBaggott]

I think debates go pear-shaped when the words 'guilt' and 'justify' are used by either camp.

It drives me to distraction and sometimes the words (imo) are used deliberately to inflame. The more a person says they don't feel guilty or need to justify the more it looks like they're digging a hole for themselves.

[AitchTwoOh]

agreed, NB. and 'superior' or 'inferior', yikes.

actually i'm not even sure i go along with the thesis, though. i've seen it all get very nasty on WOHM/SAHM threads, race/religion and lord knows Celebrity Big Brother felt like being in a war zone.

[Bucketsofdynomite]

Oh I don't know, we had quite a fierce one on Good Housekeeping on how to hang out your washing . You know, t-shirts upside down or pegged in the armpits, trousers by the waist or the ankles. That encompassed all ages and stages.

[nickytwotimes]

trousers by the ankles!!!!!aaaahhh!

i digress..
i'm a first time mummy and i am deffo sensitive, knackered, sleep deprived, paranoid, etc, etc. i try to be aware that other first timers feel the same and not wade in with my opinions....usually manage?

also. it is very easy to be misunderstood on a chat room.

[Tamum]

Aitch and I are still suffering from PTSD after the CBB threads, so I can't help but agree

[nickytwotimes]

what's cbb - apologise for ignorance, but little sleep last night!

[Tamum]

No, not really, but there was a bit of a massive divide about what constituted racism.

[Tamum]

Sorry, Celebrity Big Brother. All the big issues, doncha know.

[nickytwotimes]

ah, have worked out what cbb is!

[nickytwotimes]

x -post.
i know that one!