How should I behave?

[Lookingforinnerstrength]

Hi all.

Regular poster but have namechanged for this.

I work in a large secondary school, not teaching role. I'm a confident person but sometimes I feel so intimidated by the attitude of some of the pupils. I know it's nothing personal (most of them don't know me or what I do, they just know I'm staff).

Any hints on how I should act / come across?

Thank you!

[TheFallenMadonna]

I think you need to be pleasant as your default position, and speak as though you are completely confident that they will do as you (nicely) ask them.

[Lookingforinnerstrength]

Would like to add that it's not the school per se, there's just a few pupils who seem so confident they scare me!!

[janeiteisFedUp]

I agree with TheFallenMadonna. Do it all with a smile and say thank you before they do what you've asked them. It assumes that they will do it, so nine times out of ten they will! I also find that being very small is actually an advantage, so, if you are tall - I suggest shrinking!

Smiles are a major device though - oh and get them alone and say something nice - as a group of three individuals who have each had a pleasant conversation with you in the past, is no longer a scary group but three okay people looking more scary together!

[Lookingforinnerstrength]

Oh dear. I need to lose some height then?!

It's hard to talk to them individually as I don't teach, I deal more with other sides of the school.

Keep trying to tell myself it's very normal for teenagers / nearly teenagers to act like this! Hormones rampaging everywhere!!

[TheFallenMadonna]

I am 5 10. An I usually wear wedge heels. No problem with being tall

[janeiteisFedUp]

And there was me thinking they are nice to little me because they feel sorry for me!

LookingFor - have you mastered the sardonic eyebrow lift yet? I believe there is training available.

[Lookingforinnerstrength]

I'm 5ft 8 and one of the things I found difficult was they're often taller than me! En masse that can be a bit like having a herd of wild beasts bearing down on you!

Not mastered the sardonic eyebrow lift. More like the "eyes down and get through as quickly as possible without making specific eye contact".

Just read that back. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong...

[janeiteisFedUp]

I am 5'2 - even the Year Sevens are taller than me!

[iggi999]

Don't walk with your eyes down. They will smell the fear. Watch Arnie walking in a bar in the first terminator movie. Make him your role model (minus the gunning down of course).

[TheFallenMadonna]

Oh yes. Make eye contact. Smile and say "excuse me please", and "thank you" when they move. Most of them will be lovely. And call you Miss.

[Lookingforinnerstrength]

LOL at smelling the fear!

Pixie I completely agree, I don't think it's anything personal. I'm more in a business/admin role and can't run a club during my working hours.

It's weird, I'm completely comfortable with all the staff. Just not used to this, my children are still smaller than me and I'm in charge at home

[abbierhodes]

I would definitely have 'pleasant' as your default mode!

I'm a teacher, and have tried 'shouty' and find it just gets their backs up.

I find that'outside please lads' and 'tuck that shirt in sweetheart' does not invite confrontation, and they generally just do it, even the 'naughties'.

I agree they can smell fear!!!!

On the flip side...don't stand any nonsense. If they are rude, act extremely shocked that they would consider being rude to you (this compliments them in a way, as it suggests you expected better) and refer the incident to the appropriate teacher/pastoral care worker.

Refuse (with a smile!) any request that isn't followed by a 'please'.

[Lookingforinnerstrength]

abbie one of the difficulties for me is not knowing the students. Not by name/house or year group. We have a system whereby I can see a pic of them if I type their names in but can't do that for 1000+, and my role is sort of away from knowing the students personally.

I was reversing my car out from school today and some students were coming towards the car (it was on a direct route to a classroom). I stopped and waited and one of them walked really closely past my car, staring and grinning at me the whole time. Like he was daring me to move the car!

Ah well. Love the job and know the school would find these fears completely at odds with eveything I do but just need to grab my inner core. From somewhere.

[abbierhodes]

Ah, stuff like that needs ignoring! They will see how far they can push you...

Try and keep your sense of humour even when you don't feel like it. If you see the same student again, a cheery 'Oi, watch where you're going next time, I don't want to be scraping kids off my car!' might help.

Not knowing their names is difficult, but you learn the names of the most difficult ones more quickly than you expect.

Good luck, working woth young people can be great if you can get past the downsides! I often tell people who are moaning about their offices that I couldn't possibly be surrounded by grown-ups all day!!

[Inkpen]

Hi, LookingFor - when you find the inner strength, please pass some on to me! I am currently applying for support staff jobs and that's the bit that scares me too. Teenagers in small numbers I can cope with fine but put them all in a huge mass and I really have to work hard to remind myself that I'm a Grown Up. I think it's their boundless confidence and savvy attitude that does it for me - I was never that streetwise as a kid myself and I'm not sure I ever caught up on that one ... I so envy teacher friends with that effortless authority! The advice on this thread is great - I will store it away for use if I get the job.

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

Never ever been on this thread before, but there are some top tips.

My DSs school is opposite the High School, and I have to say, I agree - pleasant is the way to be. If they are blocking the path, I just say excuse me please very sweetly. 9/10 times they jump out of the way, or one of them will berate another "Mind out the lady's way Man !". I also ask them to pick up litter, and mostly they do it (only had abuse from some girls).

Also, I don't find teenage boys nearly as intimidating as girls, because I have boys. It helps me to see some of the lairier behaviour as simply a "big kid" extension of my 9 year old's boisterous and loud moments. Remember they are basically in groups because most of them aren't So confident on their own, basically.

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

< likes the word "basically" >

[janeiteisFedUp]

Boys deffo easier than girls!

[foxytocin]

I find being self deprecating helpful when building a relationship with a large mixed group. In small ways, in a drip drip fashion, over a period of months, not saying to make a spectacle of yourself.

as you get to know them and they you, you can then use some of your own phrases that you use on yourself, on them and they 'get it'.

hope that makes sense.

these work for more challenging and negative situations:

Whenever you feel like they are trying to attract their mates' attention by undermining your authority, separate them from the audience and talk to them inside another room if possible or around the corner, etc.

keep your voice low and moderated, drop the tone lower, speak slowly and clearly.

[Slambang]

Remember that these strapping, spotty, lairy and enormous kids are just that - enormous babies.

Teenagers aren't nearly as intimidating when you have one of your own and find out that they are still their adorable, funny, scatterbrained selves and they still want their cuddles and their mum's love (just as long as their friends don't see).