Been bullied-now they want HIM to change groups

[brightspark2]

My DS has been consistently bullied by a group of six boys - I have contacted the school each time, they discipline the perpetrator then another of the group takes over. One of the ringleaders has urged my 12yo to commit suicide. It culminated in internal exclusion for 1 day for two of them. Now the (new) Head of Year wants to move my DS into a differnet group, cahnging classes and classmates and teachers and swapping one language for another, wasting 18 months of study and isolating and disrupting my son further.

Apparently it's too complicated to separate and move the main three perpetrators.

Surely my son shouldn't be traumatised further like this - he needs what friends he's got around him, not just at break and lunch! He's unsure and reluctant enough as it is.

Can I insist the otheres are moved? Any teachers - what is the likely effect on my son if they override me and move him anyway?

[brightspark2]

I would really value any opinions before I go into school tomorrow.

[ben5]

i would stand your groud. why should your son be punished even more? he's done nothing wrong. good luck.

[SofiaAmes]

Yes, you are absolutely right. It's not right that your son should be moved. By doing so the school is giving him the message that he has done something wrong which is of course incorrect and a seriously bad message to give to a child. I don't know too much about how these things work in the UK, but surely you can take a complaint to the board of governors. Here in the usa you just threaten to sue for discrimination or some such and they listen to you.

[probono]

Hi, hope you manage to see this before you go to school.

I completely agree. If you have confidence that he will be happier staying then you should fight for it.

The school should have sorted this out a long, long time ago -- and if they have to pay the price now then so be it.

The three boys should be separated anyway, not left together to pick on someone else.

You are absolutely right. Stand your ground. Complain, complain, threaten complaints to the governor, to the LEA, threaten legal action if you have to. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Those nasty boys are being squeaky right now and they are getting the grease. Well it's time for YOU to be squeaky so that you and your child get the grease.

Good luck. One day of internal exclusion is wanky. I would be threatening with the police.

[brightspark2]

Just got back from meeting with the Head. They have dropped the idea of moving my son - but they are not moving the bullies either. In the Head's considerable experience, this doesn't work.

They are interviewing the perpetrators individually and calling in their parents. They are to be given specific instructions by the Headmaster - apparently contravening these would be a serios matter, which can then go to LEA level.

And the Head is going to have my DS sent to him 3xdaily for a week for a "wellbeing check" to make sure any incidents, no matter how slight are flagged up and dealt with immediately.

Not all I'd hoped for, but a start - and I will be told later today what the boys had to say for themselves - although this ha been going on for a year and a half.

[Sonnet]

Gosh - I am surprised by the head actually
I would have thought that those 3 boys needed splitting up - they may just pick on someone else
Hope it works for your Ds's sake

[probono]

Best wishes for your ds BrightSparks. Do feel taken seriously?

[deaddei]

I can sympathise brightsparks.
dd in year 8 has 8 disruptive girls in her teaching group- they made a teacher cry last term.
Have had meetings with head of year etc, and finally 3 of them have been moved into other groups. I was adamant dd and her best friend were not to be moved- why should they be disrupted??
We shall see how it pans out this half term....but it makes me so cross that all attention is given to the needs of the troublemakers- my girl has rights too!
Personally I would put them all in a room together and get them to do some basket weaving - but I know that's not PC.

[brightspark2]

I've been way more unPC than that, believe me!

I suppose I feel a bit taken seriously in that the Head has put the boys under Headmaster's sanctions and they cannot violate that without being severely punished.

He's seeing my DS at lunchtime every day to check on him and build a rapport with him.

He's not moving them either - although I would prefer they be split up he is a very experienced Head and says that just drives it undergroud, better to confront it and keep it out in the open - I suppose he has a point. The parents aren't happy with their boys bringing shame on the family name. I will seeing the exec Head and the Board of Governors if it happens again.

And he said he wants more parents like me and asked me to volunteer at the school so is CRB checking me so I can be on hand and become more a part of the school commuinty - and there may be a job at the end of it.

[SofiaAmes]

What the head is saying is a load of nonsense. The boys should be split up. My ds had a group of 3 boys bullying him in 1st grade and teacher split them up seating wise, did a buddy system for a week here and there (at lunch and recess each child had to pair up with an assigned child play with them during the break). And then the next year the 3 boys were split up. It helped enormously.

[brightspark2]

I must admit I would prefer it, but for now it seems to be working - two bullying free days and now he says he likes school! And wants to do his A-Levels therere. Poor little sod, it's not much to ask, is it?