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Help! My 12 year old DS was given a black eye yesterday

6 replies

CDMforever · 09/02/2010 11:53

He has Aspergers Syndrome and was involved in a fight with another boy after having been goaded into it.
I think the school have dealt with it correctly. The other boy was suspended for the day and will stay in the Behaviour Unit for 2 days. My DS has been very brave and gone back to school today though he is understandably shaken up. He's a sensitive boy and would never ever instigate a fight of any kind. Though I think he did retaliate yesterday.
I just need to know what my rights are as a parent should this happen again. My DH thinks that the boy would be excluded if he hurt DS again but I doubt that very much.
Maybe I need to ask to see a copy of their Bullying Policy.
DS has only just started at secondary school and this has really knocked his confidence.

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aSilverLining · 09/02/2010 11:56

My DS has HFA and has had two black eyes at school - he is 5!

I would go into school and say you are happy with how they handled the incident, but would like reassurances about how a future incident will be avoided, and also what would happen if an incident where to occur again. Hopefully this will put your mind at ease. Is he in a mainstream school?

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frakkinaround · 09/02/2010 11:58

I have no real advice other than you def need to see a copy of the bullying policy. As your DS has AS you may want to go through the socially appropriate things to do if someone starts on him with him. We had a scout with AS who would very maturely and reasonably and logically try to sort things out which pissed other boys off. I don't mean to say that he's in the wrong in any way, btw, in case you took it that way, just he may need reminding that people deal with things differently and not always very logically. Some children with AS have an extremely adult way of looking at things that gets to other kids.

Your DS is very brave and I hope today goes much better.

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CDMforever · 09/02/2010 12:00

Yes he's at a mainstream secondary. His Aspergers always seemed very mild at primary but now somehow seems more severe. Sorry, I don't know what HFA is. And very sorry to hear about your poor boy. I was so emotional yesterday I was considering home-tutoring DS yet obviously this is rather extreme and wouldn't be great socially, tho neither is getting a shiner.
I will do what you said, which I think is very reasonable. Thank you.

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frakkinaround · 09/02/2010 12:51

HFA = high functioning autism usually.

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frakkinaround · 09/02/2010 12:52

Bugger, pressed post.

Meant to add that it really doesn't sound like it's you DS who has the problem here, despite his DX, and that the school needs to deal with the other child involved, which it seems they are doing so that bodes well for the future.

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CDMforever · 09/02/2010 20:57

Thanx frak. Yes I think they are dealing with it appropriately. I spoke to the Headteacher today who explained the procedures regarding behaviour. I think exclusion is definitely out of the question!
All was fine at school. A couple of lads boosted DS's confidence by saying that DS nearly won the fight!!
He seems okish tho did break down earlier and said that his school can be a horrible place sometimes. I think he'll probably get the mickey taken out of him alot because of his AS. I wish I could find a way for him not to let it get to him. He's such a sensitive, lovely soul. I haven't brought him up to be a toughie and sometimes I wish I had!